Brothers death

[Hulugubu]

I found out today my younger Brother has died he has had a LOT of trouble with drugs over the years starting from when he was 16 he is or was 31 over the years he has been in and out of prison some years I’ve hardly seen him other years I see him6 or 7 times always asking for money always looking truly awful last time I saw him when I refused to give him money he trashed my home and kicked my dog very hard in the stomach all while my poor mother watched who had dementia at the time and was terrified.

my mom died only last year and now this has affected me terribly my older brother is in contact with him and went to his house to see how he is we hadn’t heard from him in a while when he got there he was dead and had been for some time there were a lot of drugs round his home my older brother called and told me this has left me feeling awful and I know I shouldn’t but I truly feel guilty and sick I knew this day was going to come and now it has I was so close to him when we were younger shared rooms I’m terribly sad how this has ended for him.

my trouble is I’m due at work Monday and genuinely don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind I’ve had a lot of health trouble over the past 2 year and my work are fed up even though I’ve supplied hospital letters they still can’t figure out what’s wrong with me my Bradford factor score is at 800 and my boss has already said it can go to dismissal I’m only on a stage 1.

im terrified of phoning in and asking for a few days even though I think I need it I only took a week off when my mom died I took care of her full time when she had dementia and I don’t feel like I’ve fully grieved through that now this I’m worried they will think I’m lieing I mentioned yesterday I didn’t feel well and consideried phoning in so actually scared they will just think oh she’s making it up to get more time off management in the past have discussed my illness with other staff members now no one believes me when I call in to say I can’t come last month I was off for two weeks while I was in hospital with a infected gallbladder I’m just scared to even call and ask for time off.

what would you do?

So sorry about your brother, I'd be tempted to ring your employers and explain, to be honest I'm not sure what else you can do. Take care of yourself

See your GP and get signed off for a couple of weeks for mental health reasons. Think about getting some counselling too, it will help you work through your feelings and stop the guilt. Your brother made his choices in life and from how you've described his behaviour you did absolutely the right thing in cutting contact in order to protect yourself.

Are you entitled to Bereavement or compassionate leave. Some companies give you up to 3 days for close family without it being classed as sick

Please take some leave. You should be entitled to it, and you need it.
Sorry you're going through all of this.

Sending a massive hug. So sorry for your loss. Really difficult losing someone under those circumstances. Agree with others speak to your work with the truth - it’s up to them if they don’t believe you but they can’t prove you’re lying. I have heard that some companies do ask for a death certificate which is shocking so just be aware of that.

your mental health is more important than any job and it sounds realistiscally like you wouldn’t be able to focus anyway - not sure what you do but I would prefer for staff to not be in than in and grieving such a big loss.

sorry again x x

Don’t worry if they think you are making it up, it can easily be proved with a death certificate if it comes to it.
Your GP can sign you off after you’ve self certified for a week, do that first. As far as I am aware you aren’t obliged to tell your manager what is wrong with you, just that you aren’t fit for duty. So call in as soon as you can Monday morning and say I’m sorry I’m not fit for duty, I don’t expect to be fit for at least a week when I will get my GP to provide you with an unfitness to work certificate.

I am so very sorry for your losses. Please put yourself first, no matter what your health comes first.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Take time to process the news and definitely don’t go into work. A sibling’s sad death should enable you to take compassionate leave and you might need a bit more than that before you’re feeling resilient enough to go back to work. Allow yourself to grieve.

Go to the GP you might be stressed or depressed. Depression/MH difficulties are a protected characteristic and dismissing you for such could actually be illegal.

I'm so sorry you lost your brother.

TBH I think I'd go into work if staying home meant risking my job. I know it's really tough but you don't want to give yourself even more trouble.