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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be worried about husband fidelity?

4 replies

shouldibeworriedaboutit · 20/09/2025 16:05

I’ll try and keep this as short as possible. There is some history with my husbands fidelity. About 2 years ago I found a search on my husbands computer for “discrete STI tests”. He claimed he’d been at a strip club that offered “extras”, and that he hadn’t had sex with anyone else. It was an awful time when we had issues with our house, work and money and it nearly broke us. The story seemed to check out as he’d been out with a guy that I know visits those kind of places. We worked through it, but I’ve obviously since struggled with trust. Although he’s never given me any other reason to think he’s been unfaithful.

Yesterday we were in the middle of sex, and he just stopped and said he wanted to finish later. He’s not done that in the 10+ years of us being together and it has just sent alarm bells ringing. Because of everything that happened before, the only reason I can put it down to is that he’d already had sex earlier in the day. Am I going mad? Or should I actually be concerned about this?

please be gentle 😔

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 20/09/2025 16:09

That wouldn’t be my first thought if my DH did this, but I have to admit, he never has. I also think most men can have sex twice in a day with no issues.
Did he say why? Has he done this before? And by “finish later” did he mean with you or on his own?

Charliec12 · 20/09/2025 16:10

I get why you are concerned, your trust has been broken. I wouldn’t be mega concerned about the latest incident. If that was my hubbie I would of asked him why. My hubbie can do this at times and sometimes he is tired or has released himself earlier in the day.

Original poster
shouldibeworriedaboutit · 20/09/2025 16:20

Buildingthefuture · 20/09/2025 16:09

That wouldn’t be my first thought if my DH did this, but I have to admit, he never has. I also think most men can have sex twice in a day with no issues.
Did he say why? Has he done this before? And by “finish later” did he mean with you or on his own?

He said with me, but he wasn’t interested. Which I get is fine, just not like him…

OP posts:
JLou08 · 20/09/2025 16:29

Yes, you should be worried. Not so much about this incident but the last one. I doubt it's just a sex worker he slept with, they'd be using protection so it doesn't really explain STI tests, he's probably been having it away with lots of women over the years. Even if he is telling the truth, what he did is vile. I could never come back from that.

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