Neighbours shouting at kids daily

[LMSLMS]

We're in a semi and got new neighbours about a year ago. We get on with them really well, they're pretty noisy (lots of thumping up and down stairs and banging) but have got over that as it's usually what happens in a new build semi 😅 they have two young boys and she's said they can be a handful but the last couple of months or so we can hear proper screaming and shouting at them both, with so much thumping. In the evenings it's so loud we can hear it above our TV turned right up loud. They honestly sound at their wits end with the boys and the shouting sessions can last for up to half an hour. Would you say anything? I'm so torn as I don't want to ruin our relationship but equally it feels like it's just getting worse. I've already said to have a chat with me if she wants to and that I'm always here...Any advice welcome

SS are not always professionals. They are not there to support a regular family. They will find issuers and create hell for you. Unless you have facts you’re playing a very dangerous game.

I’ve lost the rag and shouted at my kids plenty of times but shouting for half an hour isn’t just losing your rag, that’s violent and abusive.

That’s just paranoid nonsense.

never leave a child at risk from harm by believing this.

You’re quite obviously never seen the pure devastation false accusations and unnecessary involvement from SS can cause. They do often destroy families lives and cause more trauma for children than being shouted at to do what’s expected of any child.

That’s just not true.

you've obviously had social services involvement in your family and are projecting.

Absolutely not, but I’ve seen first hand from my job how awful they treat good people. They have targets to meet, if you’re deemed an ‘easy target’ they’ll use you to meet those targets. You’ve no idea the level of corruption within them.

This isn’t dreadful advice. The threshold for social care to do anymore than call for a chat is so high that calling won’t do any harm and could potentially be an opportunity for early intervention.

See I think the problem, is that you can’t go in there and investigate what’s happening. You clearly have the concern on your mind. It’s an ongoing issue. I don’t know what else you can do.. except ask people who have the authority to investigate what’s happening..which are social workers.

Are you my neighbour?! 😂

i would slip it in casually as sometimes hearing it from someone can be a wake up call..

Maybe rather than SS you could have a chat with someone at their school. They may have more of a handle on things as they know the boys. With the shouting. Is it just the parents? Or are the boys shouting back? Some families are just very shouty. Shouting is not just damaging but also becomes ineffective after a while anyway, so if it is just the parents shouting that is a concern.

It won’t meet any threshold for intervention. I doubt it will get past triage. If it does and they do come round it’s likely to cause horrible distress.
mid the OP has described anything other than shouting that’s different. It’s a long thread so it’s possible things have moved in.
Shouting is horrible and it shouldn’t happen but it does. If we had a system whereby the social would pop by and offer kindly support and resources, a call to them would be great.

Could I ask what part of the country you are in please

Agree! This is so irresponsible. The first thing to do is get to know her better and be a big supportive. But boys are difficult and often noisy- so it all depends on what kind of shouting it is.

Reporting the neighbours will
cause awful distress and also ensure you have a terrible relationship. Not saying it should never be done but you have to be a bit more sure. And if you’re worried knock on the door and ask if they need any help

I’d knock on the front door and speak to the mum on her own and just ask “is everything ok” before doing anything

nobody knows people’s personal circumstances or what they’re maybe going through and I’d do that before contacting SS

they might be absolutely at breaking point

If they genuinely are shouting non stop for 30 minutes and you can hear it sounds abusive, and the banging is the kids being abused then absolutely!

If you’re hearing the ‘witching hour’ where the kids are being yelled at to come back, brush your teeth now, I’ve asked you a million times nicely, come and get a bath now type thing …for 30 minutes while the parents chase them around, then I’d say that’s fairly normal especially with two young boys!

I know someone who was reported to Social Services for shouting at her kids and they did call her and tell her that a neighbour reported and she needed to stop shouting.

The called her? So they did nothing then. Thats the smallest thing they can do apart from file the report as nfa. Your friend could have hung up on them. That’s worse than nothing imo. If SS felt it was worth responding they should have done it properly

That sounds more like someone calling pretending to be from social services to get her to shut up. Nobody from ss is going to call someone randomly without any background and say stop shouting at your kids

Anyone who knows anything about SW knows how enormous and unworkable caseloads are, how unsuited some are to the job (which is what happens in any profession where there are staffing shortages and high demand - see also teaching, medicine, etc) and how training isn’t always adequate. Of course there are some excellent SWs and they aren’t all bogeymen going round taking kids into care, but to imply that the system is infallible and that mistakes/overreach/ignorance/prejudice never happen is ridiculous.

OP, I’d second PPs advising you to knock round and ask if everything’s ok because you heard shouting, then you can you get a better idea of how serious this is (and perhaps ascertain what support she has) and it might be enough to make your neighbour rethink how she interacts with her kids. At this point I’d only call SS if I had reason to suspect violence. Of course if the shouting then continued regularly and seemed genuinely harmful, I might reconsider.

I mean it was a bit more nuanced than that 🤣 but essentially nothing came from it, there was no investigation - they advised she ask the children's centre about parenting classes but essentially just suggested not shouting.
Of course it just made her more stressed.

Where in the UK is this? We have a very similar situation and its awful to hear