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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Strange Birthday Greetings…

17 replies

Daisydoggs · 19/09/2025 19:41

I have an old friend who has a few issues. Her marriage has been in a bad way for a while and her and her husband are constantly at each others throats.

I got divorced a few years ago and am currently happily single. My DDs have flown the nest.

Anyway, for my birthday, she sent flowers with the message ‘Hi… I didn’t know if you’d be on your lonesome so, thought these may help you have a happy birthday’!

I actually had a lovely day out with friends and my daughters. When I txted her to thank her for the flowers, I said that I had had a lovely day out to which she replied, ‘Well, I would have quite fancied doing that myself. TBH!’

I went out with a close group of friends that she doesn’t know and who are also close to my daughters.

I am annoyed…AIBU?

OP posts:

Toddlerteaplease · 19/09/2025 19:43

I’m not sure what the issue is. I’d be just happy she sent me the flowers.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 19/09/2025 19:44

Maybe I’m not completely understanding your OP but it seems you’re looking for ways to be upset with this friend.

Katflapkit · 19/09/2025 19:46

Over thinking OP. Saying I would have liked to do that myself - doesn't mean she's miffed that she wasn't invited. You did something that sounds great.

youalright · 19/09/2025 19:46

What is it your actually annoyed about apart from being mad for the sake of it

HateThursdays · 19/09/2025 19:47

You are picking holes in her marriage, took offence at her use of the word lonesome even though she kindly sent you flowers and then you left her out of your birthday celebration. I think a bit of self reflection is needed here rather than criticism of your friend!

AmyDuPlantier · 19/09/2025 20:25

Nah you’re reading things that aren’t there

Original poster

Daisydoggs · 19/09/2025 20:32

To be fair, in isolation, it sounds really harsh. The flowers were lovely and it was really kind of her to send them.

There is much more to it….

OP posts:

mindutopia · 19/09/2025 20:32

I think the flowers were a nice gesture and the message is a little weird, but I can see how she might have been trying to be nice in case you really were on your own for your birthday.

But honestly, her response to what you did for your birthday to me reads like someone who is disappointed that you did something nice. It gives a bit of a passive aggressive tinge of someone who maybe gets solace that you are lonely because she is. It sounds like she’s annoyed you had a nice birthday when she was hoping you’d be all sad at home with your flowers. I’d expect a response more along the lines of ‘you’re very welcome! Glad you like them and you had a lovely day out to celebrate. xx’

Pollqueen · 19/09/2025 20:34

Yep, this is a you issue. Hope you thanked her for the flowers

NinaGeiger · 19/09/2025 20:46

Really surprised at the other responses. I totally get it. Both are weird things to say.

I had a friend who was a supportive when I was going through a rough time and things were good for her, but over the years I realised she didn't like it when it was the other way round and things were good for me and she was the one going through a rough time.

The 'lonesome' comment totally reminded me of when I had bought my own flat in London and my job was going well and I had a new boyfriend and she came to see me with her little boy when she was going through a divorce and she kept going on about how her son thought it was "so so sad" that I live alone.

KilkennyCats · 19/09/2025 20:49

Daisydoggs · 19/09/2025 20:32

To be fair, in isolation, it sounds really harsh. The flowers were lovely and it was really kind of her to send them.

There is much more to it….

So why post the bit that isn’t actually an issue?

AmyDuPlantier · 19/09/2025 20:55

Daisydoggs · 19/09/2025 20:32

To be fair, in isolation, it sounds really harsh. The flowers were lovely and it was really kind of her to send them.

There is much more to it….

Well in that case don’t post a pointlessly small snapshot of the situation?

Mollymolloy · 19/09/2025 23:29

Thanks @NinaGeiger and @mindutopia … you have hit the nail right on the head!

I did thank her for the flowers and, thinking about it, if the message was from anyone else, it wouldn’t have registered and I would have taken it as a lovely gesture.

Even the florist, who is a friend of mine, thought that the message on the flowers was a bit unnecessary.. a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ would have sufficed…

KilkennyCats · 19/09/2025 23:56

I wonder why you felt the need to name change, op.

LaughingAloudAsWeGoInsane · 20/09/2025 10:19

Mollymolloy · 19/09/2025 23:29

Thanks @NinaGeiger and @mindutopia … you have hit the nail right on the head!

I did thank her for the flowers and, thinking about it, if the message was from anyone else, it wouldn’t have registered and I would have taken it as a lovely gesture.

Even the florist, who is a friend of mine, thought that the message on the flowers was a bit unnecessary.. a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ would have sufficed…

Are you the OP? You can’t name change on the same thread anymore so you have more than one account???

KilkennyCats · 20/09/2025 10:22

Bloody sock puppet. How juvenile.

KilkennyCats · 20/09/2025 10:23

No wonder you weren’t alone on your birthday, op, you had all your alter egos with you.

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