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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit like the Shark Vacuum Thread but life in general.

61 replies

chipsticksmammy · 19/09/2025 13:44

I seem to spend my life these days chasing things with companies or wondering what the fuck now. It’s like everything you do/touch/buy falls apart or ends up causing endless problems.

Am I being too sensitive and therefore unreasonable? Is this normal? I’m currently on HRT and I don’t know if things have shifted with me.

Is this a reasonable amount of challenge or have things changed for the worst? Or maybe it’s just bad luck?

My examples:
I’ve been fighting since April with Fenwicks and Whistles for a refund on a dress. Worn once, fell apart on the night out.
Etsy order from UK seller turns out to be coming from China. Month overdue, no sign of a refund. Messages ignored.
Handbag I bought was posted weeks later and will cost me money to return.
I am in an endless spiral with my utility billing. They just keep increasing the DD but my spend remains unchanged.
No local pharmacy has my HRT, I run out on Monday…
Washing machine threw a fit, stopped working two weeks after JL installed it. Getting them to have someone look at it has been a total grind. The big washing machines at the petrol station are cool though.
BUPA claim was billed wrongly by the hospital in July. Nobody at the hospital seems to know how to fix it with BUPA. Nobody replies to emails or answers the phones. So it’s showing as an overdue bill with me. At this rate the poor lad at BUPA will be on our Christmas card list. He phones me more than my husband.

I could write these out all day. I seem to have a permanent list that never really gets shorter.

Is this just life now? Do we all have a list like this? I don’t lead an exciting life, I do have kids who take up most of my time and I would just like something/anything to work and stay working 🤣

FYI my shark hoover is bloody rubbish.

(This is lighthearted, I know there is so much going on in the fairly horrible world at the moment. I just need a whinge about the list of little stuff as I block out the big stuff of care homes and elderly parents)

YABU - Welcome to Middle Age
YANBU - Nope, we’re all going slowly down the drain too.

OP posts:
Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 24/09/2025 18:44

Fillybuster · 24/09/2025 18:34

It’s so true, even with companies that have strong brand / customer loyalty focus. I’ve been under-refunded on returns to Xalando and Adidas over the past few months, and in each case have spent weeks in what feels like a total death-loop of form-filling and customer service calls before they eventually concluded that the case was closed, and that was that. In the first instance, I even had a customer service advisor tell me on my first call that she could see the error, and would fix it, but whatever it was that she did, made it worse, and they refused to review the call. It’s incredibly frustrating and just makes me want to cry. In the end, I’ve just given up on both. It was all too hard and not worth the effort.

That sounds bloody awful, I’m sorry x

OP posts:
Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 24/09/2025 18:47

Lincslady53 · 24/09/2025 18:43

During Covid, and looking after a vulnerable 96 year old, we tried to avoid mixing with as many people as possible. The local pharmacy, which we had used for years, had a long, snaking queue, of people collecting prescriptions, many of whom would have had all sorts of illnesses. So we moved our pharmacy to an online company, pharmacy2u.com, and they are brilliant for repeat prescriptions. Order via NHS app, and the drugs turn up in the post a few days later. We had a few supply issues in the months after lockdown, but since then worked very smoothly. You order each item each month, so you know if you have missed anything.

Edited
Show quote history

Sounds brilliant but I’m in Scotland, the NHS app/Pharmacy 2U doesn’t work here.

OP posts:
ForestAtTheSea · 25/09/2025 00:16

Teafortime · 19/09/2025 16:49

I have a similar issue with attempting to sort loads of admin things out for my Mum following my Dad's death. Mum has problems with her hearing and vision so Dad organised everything and had almost all the household bills etc in his sole name. Obviously I understand that businesses need to make sure my request to change things are legitimate and I expect to be asked for a copy of the death certificate etc but some places seem to make it incomprehensibly difficult to deal with what must surely be a fairly common situation (ie death of a customer).

I think there should be a list of companies who deal with these things sensitively and quickly, and those who make it as difficult as possible. The best I've dealt with have been Octopus energy and Virgin money. Most difficult have been

  • 02 (had to make 3 different calls to get through to someone who could deal with the idea that no, I did not know the passcode and no, I they could not speak to the account holder)
  • Sky TV/phone/broadband- still getting nowhere. There was a fault on the landline (important for an elderly person who struggles with mobiles) that was not fixed for months. They promised a refund of the landline charges that has still not happened. Also realised that because parents are out of contract they have been charged over 3 x the advertised price for what they receive. Every time I call I need to put Mum on the phone to go through security authorise them to speak to me. They will do this each time but will not put a note on the file to allow them to speak to me every time which means I can only deal with this when I visit mum (2 hours away). Every time we are on hold for ages then told someone in another department needs to look at it and get back to me. No one ever calls back and I never speak to the same person twice. Each time they send a letter to say they tried to call back but no one answered so they assume the 'query' is now dealt with. Each time I call they seem surprised that Mum is not keen to sign up to a new 24 month contract.

Sorry for you loss.

Do you have a similar voice to your mother? Could you not just call them as her? Will it matter that it is from a different phone number? She could tell you the security answers as it will save a lot of time. And if there is a different customer service person each time anyways, it won't matter that you don't sound exactly the same.
I understand that "impersonating" people is not a good thing, but as it's family and for a good cause, see it as exception? It doesn't seem as if the companies act in good faith or with reasonable internal processes, so it disadvantages the honest customer who just wants their problem dealt with.

My experience was that I took out travel insurance for medical expenses and treatment, for the part that wasn't covered by EU agreements between countries (I'm in EU). Needed medication on the trip, prescribed by a doctor (no self-diagnosis); sent the payment receipt to the insurance company, it was refused.

I read the T&C and that was the whole point of the insurance. I complained, the refund was then accepted. I had the impression that refusal was their first point of action, and the complaint was a necessary step to get them to adhere to the contract. Very annoying.

I get the impression that these rigmaroles are a vital part of company operations to cut costs; often in breach of laws. Only those who persevere will be successful. It's intentional.

Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 25/09/2025 09:18

This - I get the impression that these rigmaroles are a vital part of company operations to cut costs; often in breach of laws. Only those who persevere will be successful. It's intentional.

I fully agree with this now, all customer service powers seems to have been removed that allow agents to give refunds or replacements. By making the 'contact us' process impossible to follow or get an answer from most people just say sod it and give in.

The company is never out of pocket, we get crap goods and services, there are no costs incurred on processing refunds or returns and the defective goods pile up in landfill or the services just die off.

Buying anything these days is a massive scam.

For the NHS - people are getting sicker as its so hard to see a GP, obtain a prescription, get it filled, get it repeated, see someone else further up the chain. How can that be a viable model? Surely the most cost effective way is the primary point of contact and things are not allowed to deteriorate. Its madness.

OP posts:
Libertylawn · 25/09/2025 09:29

My local authority. They cannot deal with the fact that twins who are (obviously) the same age and postcode and have the same adult mum (me) might want TWO bus passes. I am sick to the teeth of calling them and trying to sort this out. Mine are not the only twins on the planet. I even had one div suggesting he issue two passes both in the name of “JakeOrJessie”. Currently Jake has one with his name on but his twin’s photo and only one of them gets the discount. It is driving me to the edge of reason.

Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 25/09/2025 11:56

Libertylawn · 25/09/2025 09:29

My local authority. They cannot deal with the fact that twins who are (obviously) the same age and postcode and have the same adult mum (me) might want TWO bus passes. I am sick to the teeth of calling them and trying to sort this out. Mine are not the only twins on the planet. I even had one div suggesting he issue two passes both in the name of “JakeOrJessie”. Currently Jake has one with his name on but his twin’s photo and only one of them gets the discount. It is driving me to the edge of reason.

Oh I have had this, we couldnt get a new bus pass issued when the passes changed to be contactless as DD still had hers.

The system couldnt recognise that the pass wasnt registered as lost and nobody had updated it to issue new ones when the card wasnt lost.

Result - DD started getting a lift with me and now doesnt get the bus at all. I love our chats in the car in the morning, she picks a decent playlist and she isnt frozen at the bus stop.

Its not great for the environment though.

OP posts:
wobbegong · 25/09/2025 13:03

You wait guys till you have to do all this for your parents as well using power of attorney. Most companies have apparently never fucking heard of it, assume you are a gigantic fraudster, and will pass you from pillar to post refusing to deal. It is a total nightmare. I need two lunchbreaks- one for my life admin and one for theirs.

Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 25/09/2025 13:47

wobbegong · 25/09/2025 13:03

You wait guys till you have to do all this for your parents as well using power of attorney. Most companies have apparently never fucking heard of it, assume you are a gigantic fraudster, and will pass you from pillar to post refusing to deal. It is a total nightmare. I need two lunchbreaks- one for my life admin and one for theirs.

I was a bit light hearted at the top of the thread as this was me having a moan on top of all the other crap in life.

We are getting POA organised for parents on both sides. Sending you all the love if companies just make a hard situation worse ❤

I do most things for my mum, she’s got cancer, she’s a bit deaf and she cannot navigate the internet that well. Yes she’s still providing the bank details and knows what we are paying for, but it’s me online finding her car, travel, home insurance, booking her car in for a service etc.

My mother in law always has me sit down and explain new things to her when I go round. We help with her internet, tv set up, finding trades for work, being there when things are done.
My SIL has things like her mobile phone contract, routine prescriptions and dentist visits organised.

If there were shops to visit and people you could speak with I am sure they would need a lot less help x

OP posts:
katmarie · 25/09/2025 15:53

I share the pain of all of you on this thread. I have to get in touch with DWP for something, it's an hour wait on the phone just to get through to someone. I have a slow puncture on a tyre I had fitted three weeks ago, I need to book it in and then actually take it back to the garage and get it sorted, but when do I have the time to do that? Ovo have emailed me to say my smart meter is not working and they need to send an engineer out to fix it, so apparently I need to call them to book an engineer. Why they couldn't just offer me a time slot on an email, I don't know. Oh and my Direct Debit for my water bill has apparently been cancelled and despite it saying you can set one up on the website, you can't. And they won't speak to me because the account has husband's name on it. And the call centre is open 9-5 Monday to Friday only. I have a pile of returns to take to the post office (again, whennnnnn?)

One day I will get to take a lunch break where I sit back, and read a book while I eat my lunch. But not this week.

KrankyKumquat · 25/09/2025 16:15

@Teafortime
Bit late to this but I'm sorry about your dad.

I'm currently anticipating the end of life of my father in law and practically hyperventilating at the prospect of sorting everything out, probably quite soon. Between my partner and me, we've lost 3 out of 4 parents in the last 4 years so I should be well-practised in all the admin, but partner's dad is the only one with some money, some valuable possessions/collections (which i definitely dont want in my house - military stuff and old fashioned ornaments and pictures) and a house to sell, 4 hours from us, so it'll involve probate and, I guess, inheritance tax on top of all the other usual stuff to sort. Partner is the executor but will be completely hopeless so it'll fall to me. Absolutely dreading it.

Original poster
chipsticksmammy · 25/09/2025 17:30

I’m sorry to everyone on this thread who’ve lost someone or going through it 💐

I also dread the loss of parents. I got mauled on a thread a few months ago as I took on clearing my aunts house and helping my cousin who couldn’t manage it. I was told I should just have walked away. It was simple enough but a mess and I wanted to give my aunt some dignity rather than have someone skip it all in a day. She wouldn’t have liked that.

I got quite a lot of abuse and was told I should have just gone down the house clearers route but that didn’t feel right.

MILs house might end me though. I’ve no idea what we will find when we start.

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