To start over again

[Loopinlouie92]

I've been with my DP 2.5 years. He is happy in his job for the most part. His wage is not awful but we live in a very expensive area in the south east and he is struggling a bit with money, has been thinking about taking extra shifts at the weekend etc. His job is very specific to our location and it would be very difficult for him to find something similar elsewhere. There is also little room for him to progress at work and it is unlikely that is his wage will ever be much higher than it is if he stays there.

I am coming to the end of a training where I will be on a decent salary when I finish and should have the ability to find a job vacancy anywhere in the country. I am keen to move elsewhere as I feel that I am just pouring money down the drain here and I know that my salary would go much further if I lived elsewhere.

DP does not want to move as he has friends here and likes his job and isn't too bothered about progression. We've talked about having kids but I feel as though I would have to go back to work immediately as the main breadwinner and I feel resentful about that. DP grew up working class and my background was more middle class so I think our standards of a good salary/life are different. I am working a lot of hours at the moment to try to pass my training and I find it hard seeing DP have such a laid back attitude to life with no concerns about the future.

He's a great partner in many ways but I don't know if I'll just always feel resentful settling down here. On the other hand, I'm coming up to my mid-thirties and if I move up north on my own now, I feel that I'm leaving it late to meet someone new and have children.

Differences in character are differences in character. They really cannot move much.

It’s up to you to decide if you are compatible or incompatible. Your differing ambition for life seems like a basic incompatibility. One of you will be pushed out of his comfort zone or the other will be held back. Both mean eventual resentment which means the relationship is unlikely to survive.

However, if you can find a common ground and both work at sustaining that common ground, the relationship may work. This will be difficult and needs recognition and commitment.

You need a clear look at what you have learnt about your partner in the past two years, where you see yourself growing towards and whether you are travelling in the same direction.

I will just add, having children is always something I have believed is the cherry on top of a cake made of a good relationship. If the relationship isn’t good or is unlikely to be good (see resentment in my post above), children are a bad idea.

Or you could cut your losses, move to where your work and progression is and see what’s out there,

Its a big ask of someone to move away from their family & friends & a job they like to a place where they would struggle to find a job in current field.

If I a man did it, some would view it as an attempt to isolate & financially control.

You already resent him. It’s not going to get better as you become more entrenched with him, have kids etc. It’s a recipe for disaster.

If you are going to leave, do it now. The clock is ticking.