To be worried about my husband

[Hattieholi]

I feel very sorry for him at the moment. He's a good man and has worked full time since I've known him (met him at 26, he's 40 next year) he's quite shy and introverted, very intelligent but definitely lacking in common sense sometimes.

He's struggled in his last 3 jobs. One he was in for 5 years, then got promoted to a role he was not remotely experienced enough for and the stress was too much so he found a new job. This wasn't a good fit as he was an external hire and the the role required a lot of existing knowledge. His current role seems to be a struggle for him too, it's very detailed work and I think he loses focus easily. He seems depressed every time Sunday night comes around.

He set his mind to learning to drive after being too nervous when he was younger. I was really proud of him but he has now failed three times and clammed up and won't talk about it anymore.

His brothers are both very high achieving high earners. We are both in low paid jobs and struggle to make ends meet sometimes. His mum is very passive aggressive about how well they've both done.

He seems to have lost all his self confidence now and has a sadness about him and I'm worried about him.

Any good advise and I guess am I being unreasonable to worry?

Was he driving a manual? Tell him to go for an automatic license. Most cars built these days are automatic anyway.

It’s much easier to pass an automatic test.

If he's been job hopping for 13 years and you're both in low paid jobs, could you concentrate on studying/getting a higher paid job yourself OP?

It sounds very frustrating.

Might be worth him having assessments for autism and ADHD. That was me prior to my diagnoses, and now I have the right support in work, I'm succeeding and have grown in confidence.

It was automatic unfortunately. He doesn't have great spacial awareness I think. Each time he's failed it's been one major and no minors so big mistakes I think.

I did start my masters to unskill my mum.died halfway through and l dropped out as my own mental health took a real nosedive.

He is super hardworking in some respects like he will commute long journeys no complaints etc but then appears lazy in others like he needs regular breaks to read the news, music on while he's working etc and I think he's going to be let go on Monday for making too many mistakes and not passing probation.

I am worried about the effect this will have on not only our finances but his mental health.

I can tell he really feels pretty useless at the moment. He really has tried hard in these last 2 roles and the first one he actually done really well in and was promoted twice. But the final promotion was way too corporate for someone with his shyness and limited experience.

He has a degree from a red brick although one that usually leads to writing or teaching rather than a vocation.

What does he like doing? Any chance he could offer freelance services like tutoring? Any other business possible? Ideally he needs to give up the stressful job for his own health and wellbeing.