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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex Husband taking advantage?

5 replies

bellx · 18/09/2025 21:17

My ex husband used to live 5 mins away so we used to share the pick ups and drop off for my son who’s 7. He then decided to move 20 mins away a few months ago as it benefited him and his wife, he wanted me to share the pick ups and drops off bare in mind my son goes to his dads Tuesday and Thursday after school and just Saturday during the day. He would pick him and I’d collect him in the evening. At the start of the summer holidays his car was stolen and ofcourse he hasn’t got any courtesy car cover, which meant he had no car and as he works from home I guess it didn’t affect him. I agreed to cover the drop offs for my little one until he got his new car. It’s been 8 weeks 🙃 I’m still waiting for him to get a new car ! When I ask him about his car it’s alwys some excuse. Now as schools are back on it affects my sons daily routine and quiet frankly I don’t really feel like driving after the school run for 40 mins to drop him to his dads and then again 40 mins to pick him up to get him home for bedtime at 8 especially when he hasn’t fed even him his dinner properly and today apparently my ex husband just didn’t know where the time went and sent his dinner in a to go box when I went to collect him at 7!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to stop the weekly visits and just take him Saturdays? I feel like my ex husband is taking advantage of the situation and if I say anything to him he isn’t very nice, I used to have a restraining order against him for 2 years which stopped in 2023.

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 18/09/2025 21:20

Is the contact court ordered? If not, I don’t see why you can’t change it til force him to sort out his car. If it is, you may have to go back to court as he might manipulate it to make you look like the bad guy.

i don’t know much about the system though, so it might actually be fine.

Katflapkit · 18/09/2025 21:28

Yes, I would stop weekday visits under those circumstances. He can have longer at the weekends or school holidays.

bellx · 19/09/2025 09:54

Tillow4ever · 18/09/2025 21:20

Is the contact court ordered? If not, I don’t see why you can’t change it til force him to sort out his car. If it is, you may have to go back to court as he might manipulate it to make you look like the bad guy.

i don’t know much about the system though, so it might actually be fine.

No it’s not a court order, I will definitely stop the weekly contact x

OP posts:
TreeDudette · 19/09/2025 09:57

Not at all! If he wants to see his kid he can contribute half the labour required to do so. Just be aware that this may mean he never bothers to see your kid in the week again. My exH dropped more and more visits with DD whenever I wouldn't facilitate his life. He was welcome to have her up to 50% of the time but I wasn't doing all the work to make that happen. Now he sees her once a month at best. She is here, he can see her whenever he likes, all he has to do is text her and organise it... but he doesn't.

AnSolas · 19/09/2025 10:15

The not feeding DS plus that Ex is abusive would lead me to not supporting Ex by doing the driving.

As he is abusive I would taper contact over a few weeks eg you cant do next Thusday and see what happens. If Ex organises DSs pickup you have a solution without conflict

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