To say to DS 'no alcohol in this house?'

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For context 4 adults in the house. Myself, DH and 2 Adult children (19 & 22)

Myself and 22yo naturally teetotal
DH teetotal for 3 years after some addiction.

DS 19 is autistic and drinking increasingly. Spirits. Several times hes shouted me because hes thrown up in his room from excessive drinking.

I'm worried about him and he is getting help in other areas but WIBU to just out a blanket ban on alcohol in the house which would only really affect him as he is the only drinker.

He has some additional needs and would not be able to support himself so he wouldn't have the ability to leave and set up home alone.

I have spoken to him many times about his alcohol intake but nothing changes so WIBU to just say I don't want any alcohol in the house from now on?

No alcohol in the house on these circumstances is a no-brainer. Could be stressful enforcing it though.

I was about to say that sounds incredibly controlling however under the circumstances I think a blanket ban on alcohol at home would be the only sensible option.
Whether he follows the new rule without causing mayhem (you say he shouted at you because he was sick in his room?) remains to be seen so I would suggest you have your husband with you when you speak to your son and your husband understands he needs to be a firm presence and back you all the way.

I would ban/limit the alcohol but ensure he is getting the right help to deal with his alcohol issues. If you just ban it and he doesn't get help he will likely start drinking elsewhere and I'd be more worried about a vulnerable person drinking like that away from home where they can't be checked on to see they are okay

Easy to say, hard to enforce.

It’s a pity it wasn’t in place earlier, but yes, and in part maybe exposing it’s not good for an ex addict to have it available.

I think that would not solve the issue though which is that your son is medicating through alcohol and part of that will be no alcohol in the house but also address why he is drinking

Is he drinking alone in his room or out partying with mates and coming home drunk? Big difference in my opinion.

I think that given he has a father who is an alcoholic, more attention needs to be paid to his increase in drinking.
I do think you need to ban alcohol from the house, but I don’t think that will solve the problem.

Agree with the rule but it needs to come from a place of concern and helping him address everything rather than “laying down the law”

what are his additional needs? Is it that they aren’t managed / medicated so if you can do some more work in that area he may rely less on alcohol to cope with his feelings

Two issues here. You need to deal with your DS’ alcohol consumption regardless of where that is. I.e. you need to look for the causes behind it.

Re no alcohol, previous addiction issues is valid enough reason to ban all alcohol in the house where said addict lives.

TBH addictive traits can be genetic, so it’s possible that your DS simply has an addictive personality. Not everyone becomes addicted because they’re seeking an out, some just are wired that way.

As a Muslim family. Alcohol is a big no no.

Thats a little unfair as he only started drinking after he was 18.

He may be Autistic but he is still an 18 yo and its quite normal for teenagers to dry and drink alcohol (often younger than 18!)

I didn't feel it was fair to never allow him that right of passage and at first it was very normal/acceptable level.

It's not exactly unreasonable, but a total ban on alcohol will not help your son to learn the tricky path of how to enjoy things in moderation, which can be particularly difficult for neurodiverse brains.

A better rule would be to say no alcohol in bedrooms, and to facilitate a sensible level of moderate alcohol intake with meals eg a pint of beer with dinner on alternate days. You could get some alcohol-free beers too if you can find one that at least some of the teetotal family members enjoy, so that you can normalise the mechanism of enjoying a beer together and then stopping.

You cannot force your son to decide to become teetotal too, and an absolute ban will push him faster towards alcoholism than support to learn a more gentle self-restraint.

His father was never an alcoholic, I worded that very badly. He was becoming increasingly dependent on alcohol in the evenings to relax and gave it up completely before it became and addiction.

He now chooses to abstain completely as its easier for him than going down the slippery slope to what I would call 'mild dependency' rather than addiction. He wasn't day drinking or anything!

On a tangent, is it time to explore supported living for DS2?

Is he drinking while out, coming back, being sick?

Or is he drinking by himself in his room to the point where he’s vomiting?
I know someone with 19 year old who drinks all night by himself until he passes out next to a pile of sick - she has a very odd “oh what’s he like!” attitude to it, when what he’s actually like is an alcoholic.
But if your son is drinking out with friends and then coming home drunk then it’s probably less of a worry, although he can clean up his own vomit!!

Good luck, hopefully it works before he becomes an alcoholic

A lad like him isn't going to take orders from a 'mere woman' such as yourself op, you will only be able to enforce this if your male partner backs you up.
( Edited for speech typos)

Huh?
I don't understand this at all. Where do you get the idea that he views women that way??

I imagine she’s maybe wondering how often he shouts to your husband to come and clean up his vomit.

Of course you can ban it from the house. But that would possibly mean rifling through his room. And it wouldn't stop him getting drunk elsewhere.

Maybe he might benefit from seeing a therapist if the drinking started happening and he's doing of alone it must be because something changed.

I've never seen the point in alcohol and any intoxicants really. Causes so much damage to the person and to society as a whole.

He shouted both of us. My husband was helping him get out of his clothes and also helped clear up the vomit. I didnt do it alone.