How to enforce child arrangement?

[exhaustedmummm]

Is there any way of enforcing a child care arrangement?

I am a full time single mother to a 2.5 year old.

I look after him 99.9% of the week, the father will come for a couple of hours over the weekend and take him out for food/park (expects me to be grateful for him giving me a “break”).

I am just so fed up and exhausted.

I barely sleep, I get colds often from lack of sleep, I am run down.

When I explain this to my ex all he can say is “Be grateful you have a child”.

It took us 10 years to conceive (naturally) and I’ll DC very much but I am a human and I am allowed to feel exhausted and fed up because I am sleep deprived.

He doesn’t understand how hard and draining it is to look after a child, to cook and keep the house clean, he has no idea.

When I ask him to put himself in my shoes all he says is “He would ask his family for help” (they wouldn’t be able to help him as they are busy with their own lives/kids).

It is like banging my head against a brick wall.

I want to know how I would go about enforcing a childcare arrangement, I am mentally and physically exhausted.

I am just so fed up and depressed.
Its not post natal depression it’s just a combination of lack of help, support and understanding from my ex.

Unfortunately there is no way to enforce shared care if he is unwilling to have his child. It's absolutely crap but that's the way it is 😡 does your child go to nursery? Can you get any help and support from family?

Could you look at hiring a local student to give you a few hours childcare? Look at local colleges that run early years qualifications.

If you are run down and getting ill often, look at your diet and consider a multivitamin supplement. You can also try a tonic such as metatone or sambucol.

Your best bet would be to try and sort out your sleep issues - have a good, consistent bedtime routine and have a consistent strategy for night-time waking.

You cant force a parent have a child even legally

You can’t. What you can do is your best to ensure the sperm doner pays maximum child support and as much as you can selqueeze out of him on top so you have a chance of being abod to afford somd support.

He won't solve this for you, he sounds perfectly happy to see you suffering. Did your relationship end badly from his point of view?

Get other support in place and don't ever rely on him for anything. You don't want someone looking after your DC who doesn't want them, for one thing.

You can’t. My ex moved abroad and had the children one week a year, if he bothered to even come back to the country. Nothing I could do about it.

The relationship ended due to me leaving.
When DC was born his life practically carried on as normal and all he did was make me feel bad about asking him for help.

He took 3 months of work (unpaid) and claimed to of lost 30k in savings because I needed help.

He blames the distance on why he dosent look after DC (45 minutes away) more.

DC is a terrible sleeper hence my lack of sleep.

I don’t even know who I am anymore, all my hobbies and interests have stopped, I am just grateful to have the time for a shower as DC is very demanding.

My parents are retired and travelling and my siblings are busy with their own kids and lives.

I am looking at childcare options now, I wanted to spend much time with DC before he went school but it’s just becoming to much for me.

You can't force him OP. My ex did the same. My ds is 17 now and ex has never managed more than 20 nights a year and a couple of hours a week. He didn't do a single night until ds was 5. ie toilet trained, dry at night, sleeping through and could use a knife & fork.

Forget about your ex. He's useless. You need to focus on how to make your life easier. I co-slept with my ds. He slept much better if I was beside him, so if he was asleep, I was either lying beside him or asleep myself.

I worked full time, so ds went to a brilliant childminder 5 days a week. I used my lunch hours to go for a 45 min run, or meet a friend for coffee. Do the weekly shop or order some clothes. Then spent weekends with DS.

You need to give yourself equal priority to your child. Every decision must be good for you as well as him. And be kind to yourself. Let the housework slip a little if it helps. Things will get much easier in 2 years.

You cant force someone to be a decent parent unfortunatelyz

There you go then - he's punishing you for leaving. How dare you decide that you weren't happy with the miniscule support he was generous enough to provide while you were together?! You can't change how he feels and acts - but you can disengage from him, remove his power to hurt you or lord it over you.

2.5 is an exhausting age at the best of times...definitely look at getting childcare support in place, and getting back a tiny bit of time and care for yourself. You'll feel so much better for it, and your DC will be happier when his mum is happier. Also...sleep training. Again, getting DC into better sleep habits will really help both of you.

You can’t make him I’m afraid.

do you work?

You should have thought of that before having a child, shocked you are moaning about looking after your own child.

@Skybluepinkyim shocked at your nastiness and rudeness, you sound delightful lol.