to consider separation/divorce when Ds15 is in ASD burnout?

[soimtheasshole]

DS15 is in the middle of a long and difficult autistic burnout

Marriage has been pretty dysfunctional for a while, we barely manage to communicate about care of DS, otherwise, we're living separate lives and mostly struggle to maintain basic civility.

We've been living like this thinking it's the best thing for DS, to have two parents around, but I'm wondering if he'd actually better off if we really separated.

I sway between thinking things are so bad for DS we should not rock the boat and thinking that maybe his parents' poor relationship is making things worse.

Has anyone been here and come out the other side?

Do you think it's possible that the dysfunctional relationship is contributing to his burnout? X

@Beachtastic
Yes, this is the point.

I wonder if its possible for him to recover while living with the pair of us.

I've been in an unhappy marriage but without children, so I can't comment on that, but it sounds as though the only thing keeping you together is fear of change? I'd be taking steps towards freeing yourself and your son from this unpleasant situation.

I also don't know anything about ASD, so might have got this wrong, but I have the impression that they find bullshit situations deeply uncomfortable so maybe you and DH pretending to have a harmonious home life is really doing a number on DS. If that's so, then perhaps focusing on doing it for his welfare might help you to overcome the natural emotional obstacles to separating (no one goes into it feeling great about the idea!).

From what you've said, pretty sure separating would be better for everyone.

Good luck OP 💗

I bet you are oozing horribly. I am ASD and very sensitive to atmospheres. Living with dysfunctional folks would be absolutely horrible for me. The upheaval of divorce would be very tough short term but long term a separation would result in houses without a background atmosphere.

Depends, you may end up being left dealing with him all by yourself.

Imagine what it would feel like living with two housemates who struggle to maintain basic civility, and being stuck with them. That would be enough to send anyone round the twist, that's a horrible environment to have to cope with living in.

That's what your DC is coping with.