What choice to make? Secondary for daughter with EHCP and son without.

[Neverbeentothegym]

It’s secondary school open evening time. We live in an inner city area of a large UK city. There’s lots of knife crime and gangs, not unusual for cities.
DD has a mild learning disability and autism. She is behind by around 4 years in some subjects but her primary think she would probably benefit from staying in mainstream for as long as possible.
I want to give her the best chance, she’s funny and creative and loves reading. She has some quirks related to her ND traits, so is a bit immature and doesn’t know how to talk to people (too friendly).
She wants to go to secondary with her friends but I think they’ll ditch her (they might not) or she’ll be very vulnerable. Even in primary we have had problems with her being exploited and bullied. That said, she is currently treated like a baby by her primary and I don’t want that either!
As we have an EHCP and a pretty good bit of funding, and as DD doesn’t have behavioural issues, I think she’s got a good chance of lots of mainstreams saying they can meet need. We could aim for one of the better ones which, can I be frank, are in the other parts of the city not so impacted by crime. We looked at one and it ticked a lot of boxes, it had good diversity which is important to us as a mixed culture family, but didnt have particularly great SEN resources.
Some of the other secondaries have great SEN facilities and are in the inner city. But they won’t necessarily push DD, she won’t be held to a certain behavioural standard and I worry that they’ll not be ambitious enough. I’m not thinking uni but definitely want her to leave with some GCSEs if possible.
The other problem is her brother who is one year below. He just keeps saying he wants to stay with his friends. He is naturally bright but isn’t pushed at all at school, quiet, easily drawn into being the same as his friends. He has a great group of friends but they’re likely to go to different schools due to catchment areas. He is coasting at primary, finds it easy but not too bothered about excelling or challenging himself.
I think he would really benefit from going to one of the better schools which DD could go to, and could get in under the sibling rule (not definite). It would be hugely beneficial for him to be challenged as I think as a working class, white boy with absent dad, he needs that push to not become a statistic. But he would hate me for it.
Part of me thinks, send DD to local school with her friends, it has a good SEN resource base and DS would be happy to go too. Easy life, no commute. Part of me thinks, why not get the best school that I can to ensure DD will be pushed and in a school which is motivated to make their students achieve their full potential. As not everyone has this option. Plus DD needs all the help she can to leave school not burnt out or underestimated.

Send your daughter to the school that best meets her needs, so is the better school, then send your son to the one that best meets his the following year.

behind by around 4 years in some subjects
Which subjects?
that s quite a,way behind would she manage in lowest set group in maths for example or need individual support? Do the schools cater for kids at her level or will she be taken out to separate classes or working separately in a class with her own worksheets? So included physically but excluded from the rest of class? Or do they have a group of kids usuallyworking at her level ?
Why is mainstream best for her?
How is English and maths?
How will the schools cater to her needs?
Find the best school for her
Look at any specialist SEN schools too.
don't keep her in mainstream just because.

Then consider best school for ds separately

I was thinking this as I was reading. You really need to find the school that's the best fit for each individual child. The same school may not be best for both your kids.

I had to go to appeal to get my son into the school I knew would be best for him, which wasn't a fun thing for me. But as parent, you have to make decisions in the best interests of the child (whether they thank you for that or not!)

It sounds like your DS would definately benefit from going to a more academic school, which has decent expectations of the kids.

Could you get advice from any professionals - psychologist, doctor etc - who are familiar with your daughter on what they think might be best for her. The primary school your kids may not be giving you the best advice, as they don't see your daughter's potential.

It's a really tricky one, but a school that won't stretch the kids really lets them down.

I'm sure they would both prefer to go to local schools with friends, but there's no gurantee that they'd be in classes with their friends, or that your DDs friends would stay friends with her.

It's a hard one, but you can always move one or other of them if the school you select is unsuitable for them.

As a SEN parent I think it's unlikely a child 4 years behind will cope in mainstream even with an EHCP, I would seriously consider specialist schools. I also think it's highly unlikely that the same school will be right for both children.

What are the reasons the primary has given for thinking she needs to stay in mainstream for as long as possible? That also infers that it might not be a placement for the whole of secondary school and that means potentially another move.

Look at the best option for your daughter, whether mainstream or specialist provision and the following year, look at the schools that would best meet the needs of your son. They may well be different schools.

It’s not easy getting into specialist school and she’s had the EHCP for three months, so it’s not really had a chance to help her make up the difference yet. She is at age appropriate level in some subjects.

Depends what subjects she is behind in.

i used to teach secondary and we had a Sen unit and some students partially integrated.

the exact pattern of her abilities matters here.

if it’s her reading that is four years behind then you want a Sen unit as that will impact nearly every subject she does at secondary and no matter how high behavioural standards, pushy etc it won’t over come that.

If she can read and her english is roughly in line with expectations then you might get away with full mainstream no sen unit. She’ll have problems in maths and to some extent science but the other subjects will be fine.

She may never make up the difference. But depends which subjects.
If English is four years behind then it will be tricky.
How have they measured her level?
What is she doing at same level as peers?

Look for the right school for each child. That might not be the same school.

I would consider SS. It sounds like DD struggles socially and emotionally at the moment? That gap can widen as DC move through secondary as the demands and expectations increase and social situations/interactions become more complex. You will be able to appeal if the LA doesn’t name your preferred option when they finalise the phase transfer EHCP.

If you look at resource bases within mainstream make sure you ask lots of questions about the set up because how they run varies base to base. For example, how much time is spent in the base vs mainstream, what lessons are spent where, what staffing is available in the unit (e.g. some have qualified teachers, others don’t)… and how much flexibility there is differ depending on the unit.

You could also look at schools who have a nurture group/transition group. However, again, these run differently, so ask lots of questions. For example, some only run for Y7, whereas others run until Y11.