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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ignore friend request

20 replies

Reallyneedsaholiday · 17/09/2025 20:21

Firstly, I’ll admit that I spend far too much time on social media (for various reasons),so maybe this is a bigger deal to me than to others, who will no doubt tell me to get over myself. Story is that we had a close member pass away recently, and I received a FB friend request from a fairly, but not very, close family member. I haven’t seen this person in years, but we are exactly the same age, just a few days apart, and went to school together. Frankly, she was vile to me. I was bullied relentlessly throughout school, but she was one of the worst. I can’t decide whether to “be the bigger person” and “let bygones be bygones”, or delete it and carry on with my life. In the greater scheme of things, it probably sounds melodramatic, but even seeing her name has triggered a load of unpleasant memories for me. If she wasn’t close to some of my extended family, that I love very much,it wouldn’t even be a question, tbh.

OP posts:
BigFatBully · 17/09/2025 20:23

Reallyneedsaholiday · 17/09/2025 20:21

Firstly, I’ll admit that I spend far too much time on social media (for various reasons),so maybe this is a bigger deal to me than to others, who will no doubt tell me to get over myself. Story is that we had a close member pass away recently, and I received a FB friend request from a fairly, but not very, close family member. I haven’t seen this person in years, but we are exactly the same age, just a few days apart, and went to school together. Frankly, she was vile to me. I was bullied relentlessly throughout school, but she was one of the worst. I can’t decide whether to “be the bigger person” and “let bygones be bygones”, or delete it and carry on with my life. In the greater scheme of things, it probably sounds melodramatic, but even seeing her name has triggered a load of unpleasant memories for me. If she wasn’t close to some of my extended family, that I love very much,it wouldn’t even be a question, tbh.

If it's bringing back bad memories, just ignore the request. What I'd do personally, is leave it pending and message saying "hi, I saw that you added me as a friend but I'm rather perplexed given how mean you was to me". Their response would tell me if their behaviour had changed or not. And then I would either accept or delete the request accordingly.

Springadorable · 17/09/2025 20:25

Just ignore, or put on restricted list

CherrieTomaties · 17/09/2025 20:27

Just delete it. Then don’t give her anymore headspace. Life’s too short.

Please stop spending so much time on social media and over thinking things. It’s not healthy.

RuttleTuttle · 17/09/2025 20:28

Just delete it. You owe her nothing.

Pancakeflipper · 17/09/2025 20:29

Ignore. You don't need them in your life and taking space up in your mind. You don't owe them accepting a friend request.

Childanddogmama · 17/09/2025 20:30

Either ignore or respond to say how horribly they treated you. You are in control and they have no power over you. You don't have to do anything which will cause you upset.

HateThursdays · 17/09/2025 20:33

If she knocked on your house door would you let her in, talk about the past, get the photos out and let her snoop through your appointment diary? If not, just delete and move on!

I don’t use social media at all because I think about it in the real life way I just described!

DoingAway · 17/09/2025 20:36

Ignore

gamerchick · 17/09/2025 20:37

Leave it pending.

Zanatdy · 17/09/2025 20:37

Ignore and block

NotToday1l · 17/09/2025 20:48

Reallyneedsaholiday · 17/09/2025 20:21

Firstly, I’ll admit that I spend far too much time on social media (for various reasons),so maybe this is a bigger deal to me than to others, who will no doubt tell me to get over myself. Story is that we had a close member pass away recently, and I received a FB friend request from a fairly, but not very, close family member. I haven’t seen this person in years, but we are exactly the same age, just a few days apart, and went to school together. Frankly, she was vile to me. I was bullied relentlessly throughout school, but she was one of the worst. I can’t decide whether to “be the bigger person” and “let bygones be bygones”, or delete it and carry on with my life. In the greater scheme of things, it probably sounds melodramatic, but even seeing her name has triggered a load of unpleasant memories for me. If she wasn’t close to some of my extended family, that I love very much,it wouldn’t even be a question, tbh.

Ignore, delete, and then put her completely out of your head, why on earth would you want to be friends with her…..you are in control now

Endofyear · 17/09/2025 22:31

Just delete it. You're under no obligation to accept a friend request from anyone!

mindutopia · 17/09/2025 22:41

If you don’t want to invite her into your life, don’t. It’s really no big deal. Just delete. She probably won’t even notice you didn’t accept. She may just be doing it to have a nosey.

Whateverwillwedonow · 17/09/2025 22:44

Ignore rather than delete. Don’t react.

AgentPidge · 17/09/2025 22:47

Delete it and forget about her. The clue is in the name - Facebook Friend. She's not your friend. Leave her in the past.

AgentPidge · 17/09/2025 22:48

Whateverwillwedonow · 17/09/2025 22:44

Ignore rather than delete. Don’t react.

And be reminded of her every day? Best to get rid rather than leave the request sitting there.

NoahDia · 17/09/2025 22:52

AgentPidge · 17/09/2025 22:48

And be reminded of her every day? Best to get rid rather than leave the request sitting there.

Always better to leave it sitting there because if it's not deleted, she can't keep re-sending.

OP, you might be overthinking it and she may not be bothered either way.

Pinkcherry26 · 17/09/2025 22:55

I have been ignoring a friend request for over 18 years now. 😂

Pinkmoonshine · 17/09/2025 22:57

Ignore

and try to spend less time online

Reallyneedsaholiday · 18/09/2025 21:40

Thanks
I'm just overthinking it, because she's obviously in touch with my cousin, who I care very much about, and don't want her caught in the middle. But as you all say, she's probably not that bothered anyway, so will just ignore it.

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