To think that how you see the world - glass half-full or half empty, shapes everything?

[SunnyLilacSquid]

Some people always find the silver lining, while others focus on what’s missing. I know circumstances play a role but I also wonder if attitude is just ingrained. Can people really change the way they see things or are we all just wired a certain way?

I completely agree with you OP. It's central to stoisicm, which you might like to explore.

I believe that with commitment and practice it is absolutely possible to change your mindset.

What do you mean by "shapes everything"? Lots of things that have affected my life significantly would have happened regardless of my outlook. Deaths, illnesses, abilities.

I definitely didn’t mean to suggest that mindset controls what happens to us. Life throws curveballs regardless of how positive or negative we are. I more meant that outlook can shape how we process those events or what we take from them in the long run. Two people can go through something equally awful but come out of it with very different stories they tell themselves, and I wonder how much of that is mindset vs wiring.

I think there's so much that shapes our personality and outlook it would be impossible to untangle, but it is interesting.

For e.g. I grew up not particularly well-off, and was anxious about losing what we did have, so I tend to prioritise security and being grateful for what we have. Whereas my DH probably had a similar upbringing, with probably less money, but he tries to get the most out of life even if it seems uncertain (eg moving for a work role). Guess which of us has the higher paid job!

Talking in very general terms, obviously.

I think we are both positive in outlook although he would say I look for problems - but that's so I feel I have acknowledged or tackled them in order to feel confident about decisions etc!

Thinking about it I think it would be hard for us to be together and be too different in that respect. I just can't see it working.

My little world (friends, family, art, history, music, literature, country walks) - definitely glass overflowing.

The actual wider world (war, atrocities, cruelty, vulgarity, consumerism, materialism, waste, selfishness, destruction): glass completely empty.

I had an adopted relative who had had a pretty catastrophic start to life. She was one of the most positive people I have ever met in my life. She once told me that she realised that she had a choice: to never get over all the bad things that happened to her, or to focus on all the good things. She chose the latter, and taught me to do the same. I think we are predisposed one way or another, but can certainly learn.

Absolutely. I have just spent an extended period with my dsis who sees things through a negative lens, focusing on the bad or missing and with herself as a victim. She is constantly miserable.

I think we are definitely pre-disposed one way or the other, but it is something that can very easily be learned and changed.
Good parenting includes teaching a positive mindset by modelling it.

Absolutely agree. An example of this is my dad, who since he was 40 has bemoaned his age and never wanted to celebrate his birthdays. He’s 94 now and has wasted over 50 years of his life worrying about the inevitable rather than enjoying it!

I def see the silver lining in things and glass half full is my normal mode, not that at there’s an upside necessarily to bad situations but I accept that the rubbish that comes (inc deaths) is part of life and that things move on, I like to find solutions and like to think I can make the best of things, 1 door closes another opens etc - I think the crap makes you appreciate the good things.

I also try not to dwell on things I can’t control, so I don’t really watch the news- I have a passing interest in what’s going on and in matters closer to my heart, I do what I can in donating to charities and helping others, but don’t let it get to me.