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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need to rant about work colleague

18 replies

Fromthelions · 17/09/2025 13:06

Junior member of the team in a graduate level job. She’s been here just over a year. She’s good but obviously inexperienced so I’m training her up. The problem is - nothing is ever right. The office is too hot (I bought a fan), her commute is too long (30 mins on the bus!), her job is too boring (I gave her some self directed projects), her job is too difficult (I got her a mentor and reduced her workload). The latest is - at the annual appraisal - she feels it’s unfair that a part time colleague got paid extra to do extra hours when she (on a full time, permanent contract) doesn’t have that opportunity. Nb she doesn’t work anything approaching overtime in terms of hours.

Ive been distracted over the last few months because I’ve been very ill, and I suspect she just needs more attention and management. She seems to take everything as a personal sleight, and isn’t self aware enough to notice the (lack of) quality of her own work. I know I need to support her better but JFC i would like to throw my hands up at the entitled meanness of it all.

she didn’t turn up to an important work event a couple of weeks ago because she hadn’t factored in the tube strike. Didn’t tell anyone, just didn’t turn up. When I pulled her up on it she said it was unfair that she had to go in the first place. It’s her job!!!

yabu - she’s young and you should patiently and kindly performance manage her and rise above her constant moaning
yanbu - she’s taking the piss and there’s nothing you can do to stop her complaining

OP posts:
Florenceandthemaniac · 17/09/2025 13:10

I think you need to set very clear expectations for her, and if she doesn't meet them, she goes on a performance improvement plan.

You've been very supportive, but just because she passed the interview/probation, she's not guaranteed a job for life.

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/09/2025 13:14

Get rid. Imagine if you had someone keen and competent instead.

Empress13 · 17/09/2025 13:16

Fromthelions · 17/09/2025 13:06

Junior member of the team in a graduate level job. She’s been here just over a year. She’s good but obviously inexperienced so I’m training her up. The problem is - nothing is ever right. The office is too hot (I bought a fan), her commute is too long (30 mins on the bus!), her job is too boring (I gave her some self directed projects), her job is too difficult (I got her a mentor and reduced her workload). The latest is - at the annual appraisal - she feels it’s unfair that a part time colleague got paid extra to do extra hours when she (on a full time, permanent contract) doesn’t have that opportunity. Nb she doesn’t work anything approaching overtime in terms of hours.

Ive been distracted over the last few months because I’ve been very ill, and I suspect she just needs more attention and management. She seems to take everything as a personal sleight, and isn’t self aware enough to notice the (lack of) quality of her own work. I know I need to support her better but JFC i would like to throw my hands up at the entitled meanness of it all.

she didn’t turn up to an important work event a couple of weeks ago because she hadn’t factored in the tube strike. Didn’t tell anyone, just didn’t turn up. When I pulled her up on it she said it was unfair that she had to go in the first place. It’s her job!!!

yabu - she’s young and you should patiently and kindly performance manage her and rise above her constant moaning
yanbu - she’s taking the piss and there’s nothing you can do to stop her complaining

Agree with PP get rid it isn’t going to get any better

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/09/2025 13:18

Sounds like you are letting her manage you really. I’d be sterner about your expectations from her. Have you pointed out the low quality of her work? Put in on her record she didn’t show up for work the day of the work event?

toomuchfaff · 17/09/2025 13:31

Stop trying to fix her problems You're not the Fairy godmother.

Pount her to the resolution path or ask her if its more a personal moan what she is going to do? If she is moaning about something in the office - send her to estates management, if she is moaning about IT - send her to IT. If she is moaning she didnt get enough sleep - ask her what she is going to do??

You're not there to solve her problems. You're not her mum, her parent, her fairy godmother.

Verv · 17/09/2025 13:34

Get rid.
Replace with gen X

(the last part was humourous, but also true)

Francestein · 17/09/2025 13:37

Fuck’s sake… make her accountable. Write up a list and get her to sort her attitude out by x date or go.

WalkingtheWire · 17/09/2025 13:46

Your are pandering to her. Start managing her instead. Out the door if necessary!

Sparkletastic · 17/09/2025 13:48

Clear expectations followed up with a confirmation email. Performance manage her.

Original poster
Fromthelions · 17/09/2025 13:49

toomuchfaff · 17/09/2025 13:31

Stop trying to fix her problems You're not the Fairy godmother.

Pount her to the resolution path or ask her if its more a personal moan what she is going to do? If she is moaning about something in the office - send her to estates management, if she is moaning about IT - send her to IT. If she is moaning she didnt get enough sleep - ask her what she is going to do??

You're not there to solve her problems. You're not her mum, her parent, her fairy godmother.

You’re totally right. I think I’ve been too indulgent and i need to be much more boundaried and professional.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fromthelions · 17/09/2025 13:50

You’re all right! Thanks for the reality check. I’ve let this situation arise but it stops now. I’m going to reinstate a weekly check up and be much clearer about the standard of her work

OP posts:
G5000 · 17/09/2025 13:52

Her job is too boring and difficult? Tell her that yes you can see and agree she is not motivated or capable, and it's better if she finds another job that is more suitable for her, somewhere else.

Account734 · 17/09/2025 14:34

She may be young but when I started working the company didn't revolve around my issues, I was expected to get up to speed and behave in a professional manner or leave. Not sure why young people are being coddled in the work place these days to the detriment of everyone else. You aren't her mother.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/09/2025 14:44

You say that she is good, but it really doesn't sound like she is at all. You have had to take work off her as she wasn't coping, and she just didn't attend the important work event due to the tube strike but didn't tell anyone. Did she go into your office or just stay at home? If she stayed at home, did she work from home or just take the day off. If it was the latter, I would make her take it as annual leave or dock her pay. She sounds insubordinate and really rude.

This is more than just someone not meeting targets. She obviously has no respect for you as her manager and thinks that she can do what she wants. She does need a performance improvement plan with daily targets. I can't see her taking any of it well though.

HelplessSoul · 17/09/2025 16:58

Seriously - fucking sack her.

She sounds like a proper oxygen thief. And a cunt.

Seeyouincourtkeith · 17/09/2025 17:05

Dd is in her first graduate job as an intern. If she behaved like this I’d kick her up the arse myself! Can she be put in a PIP?

Whatifitallgoesright · 17/09/2025 17:23

Sparkletastic · 17/09/2025 13:48

Clear expectations followed up with a confirmation email. Performance manage her.

..out.

BartonInthebeans · 17/09/2025 17:29

Is there a risk of her underperformance coming back to bite you, if you are deemed not to have tackled it?
I would also be concerned that whilst meant with the best of intentions, the overly supportive approach won't be the best thing for her in the long term because she's not getting true feedback/being allowed to be in touch with the natural consequences of how she's acting.

I (embarrassingly) had this myself in my early 20s, hugely kind boss who indulged me and my stroppy behaviour, I had a hard fall from that position and struggled in other jobs for a few years afterwards because I hadn't matured in the way I should have done in that earlier role, and it really showed.

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