DSis discovered her H using escorts

[Sweettreet]

I am posting for my DSis as she's not on MN and she's too devastated to post. She's been married for 4 years, there were various issues in her marriage from onset like her H not being respectful to her, putting her down and a case of DV, but she still stayed in the marriage. But, she recently discovered that her H is using escorts every month and she's discovered the chats, the payments he has made and after confronting him he confessed that he did. He has done that on more than 5 occasions while they are both living in different countries. She's in US and he's in another country. She's very devastated and he's pleading to never do this again but it's highly likely he will cheat again. She's only 29 and daunted about divorce.
Appreciate any advice from the wise women on MN.

It won't get better. She should LTB and never look back, save herself years of misery.

Thank you, I said the same that it won't get any better.

She was planning future family with him and it's such a hard pill to swallow, the betrayal from him and the ongoing bad behaviour.

She's young, she doesn't need to waste any more of her wild and precious life on this cheating sleaze.

Divorce isn't as scary as it looks. Tell her to embrace freedom, have new adventures and relationships, shake off the thoughts of this disrespectful and revolting misogynist. He will do it again and again, whatever he claims about it now

Oh, and get herself tested for STDs because the cheating husband has put her at risk.

Well the signs were there so why on earth would the latest be a surprise, if you let someone that you badly thry will treat you badly, but why on earth was she planning a future with somone with this history?

Better to make a clean break now while there are no children involved. If she is in a different country from him, can she afford to move and not tell him new address? All contact can then by email/lawyer and she doesn't have to see him. Especially if DV in the past- she's vulnerable when she leaves him.

Can anyone share their experience of going through divorce at 29 and finding someone new after that and life beyond. She's got no kids and she's feeling but worried about future. She's kind, beautiful, loyal and a great person and I think she deserves better. I am feeling very angry on her behalf and want to help her with some encouragement.

At this stage finding someone new shouldn't even be a consideration. She needs to divorce and heal from this relationship first

Yes, I just wanted to share with her that she will have a bright future ahead and she needs to move on from this.

I agree with this, but would add that at 29, she still has plenty of time ahead of her. Devastating as it feels right now, it is a short marriage, and having no children makes the decision so much cleaner.

Plenty of people (me included) didn't mean our sppuses until our 30s.

Thanks, she's getting therapy. It's just natural to feel devastated at this point.

Gosh she has so much time ahead of her, and, as shit as it is now, is so lucky to realise who this man is now, rather than after having children with him. The only thing she could possibly regret is not getting out now.

If she really needs examples, a close friend of mine left a long term (11 years) relationship at 31, met her now husband a year later, and had her son at 34. My SIL was 41 when she met my BIL, they're now happily married and have a 4YO daughter.

Tell her to get out now. He will 100% do it again. And he has 100% done it far more times than he's confessed to. That much I guarantee. If a man is that way inclined (i.e can get turned on enough to have sex with a woman he's paid), then he'll do it again and again. Even if he swears he won't (and means it) the temptation will be too great. It's just so easy. He can scroll through hundreds of sexy photos while laying next to his wife in bed.

If it's any consolation, I bet there are women reading this whose husband's have secretly visited escorts. Like I said, it's just so easy now, and the temptation for men is just too great. For all I know some of the men in my own life have done so.