Ok I’m spiralling. Please tell me if I’m overreacting. I was faffing with my dh’s phone (why he was sat in the same room as me) deleting deleted photos, clearing caches, freeing up storage etc as he’s rubbish with any form of technology. Whilst I was doing that I seen his history and just started scrolling. I was actually laughing at the random stuff he’d googled as I do the same just search for crap. Next thing comes up searches for porn. He looked at it late on Sunday and Monday night whilst I was in the house asleep on the sofa.
He’s watched porn before as have I and very occasionally we watched it together but that was like 20 years ago when we were young. We are in our late 40’s now and more aware and mature or so I thought! Anyway back to the present I am worried about this as the stuff he searched stated it was primarily for live sex cams. For me this feels worse as it’s more intimate and personal.
I couldn’t hold in my upset and frustration so as soon as our teenage/adult dc were out of ear shot I confronted him about it. To be fair he didn’t try to deny but then he couldn’t really when it was there in black and white. He stated quite clearly that he hasn’t made an account in order to interact/pay for content and he simply watched the free content. Like that was supposed to make me feel better. I said some things in anger that I probably shouldn’t have but only because at one point he got borderline angry with me and in my head I’m thinking wtf how dare you! He later said that he understands what he did has upset me and he apologised but then later said it’s just a bit of porn which infuriated me.
Now don’t get me wrong in general I don’t usually have an issue with him watching porn as long as it’s not severe, including really young women, and not violent. and as long as it’s not affecting our sex life. He said he watches it very occasionally and I actually can believe that part of it for various reasons but in this instance it’s made me think I am not enough. I say that because when he watched it on Sunday evening we had already had sex Sunday morning so I was left thinking was it crap hence why he felt the need to sort himself out. I pretty much asked him this and he said that this wasn’t the case and has no reflection on our relationship. But then he later said that he often sorts himself out of an evening if we’ve had sex earlier in the day. I asked him if that was meant to make me feel better because it definitely made me feel worse.
Before anyone says it I have absolutely no issue with him sorting himself out I mean why would I but I worry about why he feels the need to do it the same day we’ve already had sex. Just for context I have a high sex drive and would happily have sex every other day but I’ve compromised all these years as I know my dh isn’t up for that. It has never been a major issue in our relationship but now I feel like it is. I mean he knows that if he initiated any kind of intimacy it would be rare for me to turn him down and yes I get that sometimes men don’t want a full on sex session and would prefer to sort themselves out but as part of our intimacy we have occasionally sorted ourselves out but in front of one another which we both said we loved and is kind of hot. So knowing that I quite enjoy doing this why would he turn to porn instead of just asking if I was up for some solo fun?
I know it might seem like I’m overreacting but I can’t help it. If I was denying my dh any form of intimacy I could maybe understand why he’d feel the need to look at porn but with me he basically has it on tap. It’s me that’s often left frustrated as I’d have sex most days if I could. That’s why it hurts more.