Family Christmas dilemma

[Holly247]

My family have always got together to celebrate Christmas on boxing day. Me and my siblings didn't live that far away from each other. And all their grown kids would come too. But this year,one sibling has moved several hours away. They've told me their spouse wants to stay in their new home. That's not going to be convenient for me or my other sibling and they wouldn't have room for everyone to stay either. AIBU for still inviting everyone to mine, anyway as it was my turn to host? I don't want to cause bad feeling but I don't see why my sibling's spouse should stop the rest of us getting together.Thanks for reading.

No, I don't think you're BU at all OP. Just because the couple that have moved away don't want to come to yours, it shouldn't mean that you have to change anything. I'd go ahead and ask all of the usual people, and if any of them decline you shouldn't be offended, as life does change and move on, but I wouldn't cancel altogether because of one person.

I would invite them all.and up to the sibling who has moved away to come or not come as they wish.

You aren't being unreasonable to go ahead with a normal Christmas gathering despite that one sibling won't come, given that it's your turn.

Assume and plan that you will all be trapsong there when it is your sibling's turn though. Research nearby Airbnb properties and make a booking by February

Why would one sibling not being able to attend prohibit you inviting the other ones as normal?

OP you are overthinking. From what you have written I would say that the distant sibling assumes you are having the family over but is informing you they will not be attending.

Eat, drink and be merry

Host Christmas and invite the usual lot- say to sibling they are welcome to change their mind and visit.

The sibling’s not suggesting that you don’t have the family get-together, are they? I think they’re just saying they won’t come this year.

The sibling who’s moved away has brought an end to the Christmases of yore (or their spouse has). It’s allowed. Nothing stays the same and nor should it! Go ahead as you were.

Can you clarify if your sibling in law is just letting you know they aren't traveling back to you for Christmas
or
If they have invited all the usual crowd to come to them to celebrate Christmas together in their new home ?

As my answer would be different, depending on which you mean.

Sounds like Christmases will be different now they have moved several hours away. Its normal to want a Christmas in a new home and it's complicated to travel. Will their grown up children be invited to them? That's the only thing that might be awkward if you invite all the usual crowd as they will decline your invitation to go there I would think. I think you should acknowledge that times have changed ,that there might be new traditions. You are still having open house but understand if people have different plans this year.

There has been no official invite as such, only when I brought up the subject and said it's my turn to host they mentioned their spouse's reluctance to go anywhere. What may be problematic is that at the same time my spouse invited other family including their grown kids to ours! That feels awkward to me, but my spouse thinks they've done nothing wrong?!

So you think your sib expects you all to go to their new place but surely not, given it would be too small?

It’s your turn, so they must be expecting everyone to go to your house? Why is it awkward for your spouse to have invited others to yours? Too many people? All a bit confusing.

Is your spouse expecting you to cook and host for his family?

So.... they don't come?

If everyone went to theirs it's too far to go without staying over, there's not enough room for everyone to stay without hotels etc. It feels awkward bc inviting their kids feels like I'm splitting the vote. I might be overthinking, but the sib that's moved is super sensitive.

So why not ask your sib how it would be if you had their dc? Are they expecting their dc to go to their new place?

That sounds reasonable enough but I doubt I'd get an honest answer. I will bring it up when I visit though. Their kids still live near to us and have their partners' families to take into consideration too. I guess Christmas is a bit like weddings - you can't please everyone!

Why drag it out? Just ring your sister and say you’re finalising plans for Boxing Day at yours, you have invited everyone and hope they can make it but won’t be offended if they can’t.

Then ask if she’ll be still doing her turn next year and if so, you’ll get an air b&b booked in plenty of time

Your sibling's just letting you know they won't be attending on boxing day this year.
Routines change over time. Just because it's what you've always done, doesn't mean it's what you'll always do.

No, it's my extended family that he invited 🙂

I think I've got it.
You've invited Neices/Nephews and their kids but now your worried because their parents aren't going to be there?

Do they want to travel to their parents place?
Do their spouse's want to travel?
Maybe they are happy to see their extended family/ cousins / cousins kids on Boxing Day and see parents at some other time.

You are way overthinking this, and I fail to see what the drama is about. One couple has moved away. So what? This doesn't mean they get to dictate what everyone else does.

Invite everyone as usual. Those who want to/can come will do so; those who can't/won't.... won't. This includes the kids of the couple who have moved away. If they're old enough to live away from home, they're old enough to attend events on their own.

Within my extended family, we have parents attending without their (adult) children. Adult children attending without their parents. Only one half of a couple attending. Not everyone has to attend events only if their immediate is also completely in attendance.

Id continue as planned, I think your brother was pre warning you they may be staying at home this year, which is fine and shouldn't change any of your plans.