I'm ND, my child is ND, and I'm falling apart

[rhirhi99]

I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I used to manage it but since having my child it's gradually become unbearable. I look like I'm functioning but I want to scream. My child is 6 and has ADHD and ASD. I'm a single parent, and just started a new job (which I thought I would love, but hate). I want to start medication but can't because I need an ECG, which my GP can't do so I'm waiting for ADHD company to sort. Could be months and have no money to pay for a private one. I'm exhausted. I need time out and for the first time in my life just don't want to work anymore, but of course I have to and will continue to because not working is not viable. I just don't know how to cope anymore. I want a job that I love but have ended up in a career that just doesn't suit me even though I want it to. I can't afford to start again. Feeling trapped by life.

Would love to know genuinely why people think I'm BU. Just need some support.

That sounds a lot to be dealing with OP, especially with a new job to navigate on top.
You sound exhausted. Could you take a day-off work? Even a sick day- a day to focus on you and quiet everything else out? Do you have any other support?

Why is working not viable op? Have you tallied up the support you'd get for you and dd with your health issues?

Especially if you are experiencing stress, depression and burnout associated with your adhd and life experiences

Can you get signed off for some time whilst you deal with the life admin?

Sorry op xx

Can’t your dcs other parent help you more (apologies if they are no longer of our earth£

ADHD or not, a lot of people feel like you at your life stage.

You’re no longer free and flighty. You have real responsibilities. That means going to work at a job that pays enough whether you like it or not. That’s oppressive and you feel utterly stuck and like all agency has gone.

There are no easy answers. Maybe the answer is that we should never have expected more from life.

OP is your child's other parent around?

Can you take any annual leave during term time?

It is really really hard. Also an audhd mum with audhd kids. It's relentless. People who aren't ND don't understand how much harder it makes even simple things. It's like playing a video game on the hardest setting but you and everyone else thinking it's set to easy. 😔 I really feel for you.

Hang in there. Take some time off if you can - even a days leave on a school day. If you can't look at how you can make life easier in other ways eg no cook meals, paper plates, ring fencing time for yourself and showing your child that their mum's needs matter too, etc.

Why do you need an ECG? That’s not standard for the meds.

AuDHD children are challenging. Can you get some time for you?

I could have written this myself and I’m not a single parent. Child has AuDHD and I have ADHD. Now I’ve hit corporate career peak and likely start of the perimenopause I’m really struggling. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed and not know where to start. I said to my husband last night I’m going to walk out the house and not come back!

I don’t have major solutions but I would suggest looking at ND coaching, government can fund this to help you stay in work. There are quite a few low cost/free ND events too see ADHD UK, also I’d look may your LA.

Also, I’m part of a couple of local neurodiverse parents groups, and had some great support from them. I’ve ended up making friends with a lady who has a ND son a few years older than me, and she’s coaching me through the start to secondary school atm! You are welcome to DM me if you want help to look for something similar.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is try to find a friend/group who are going through similar. Literally a support network or individual who gets it. One of the comments above was shockingly ignorant/20% who think you are unreasonable haven’t a clue!

I’ve also recently accessed ADHD medication through Right to Choose and after a few bumps, it’s definitely helped. Try to see that through to getting medication if you can, as hopefully it will make a difference to how you feel.

Hi OP, I know you haven't posted in a while but I just wanted to see how you were doing. I've got ADHD, so have my two young children, and I know how hard it is. Every moment of every day is a battle. The simplest things are so hard, and it really does hammer you relentlessly. It's like trying to teach someone how to swim while drowning yourself. Anyway, you're not on your own. Just know that. I wish I had a solution, but you're doing well to be aware of these ND issues, educating yourself on them and trying to help yourself and your kids. You're going down the right path in the best way you know. All while working, being a single mum and battling your own never-ending rave of a brain. Just well done. And hang in there. Those kids are lucky to have you x

It is standard if you have a family history of heart issues.