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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ditch my friendship group

8 replies

confusedeffie · 16/09/2025 19:46

Will I regret it if I withdraw from a friendship group that I’ve had since being a teenager?

Over the last few years, my friendship group has gone from partying day and night to being all doom and gloom. We are in our early forties and all they do is complain about how hard life is. In reality, we’ve all got quite pleasant lives. Obviously, there’s been difficulties such as losing parents, divorces, parenting struggles but everyone goes through those. They seem to have made going to the GP and complaining a competitive sport. I’ve taken to ignoring their long whining messages and voice notes all day so I can get on with things but dread the evening when they are expecting me to reply to their woes. It’s so draining and I am constantly having to make excuses for why I can’t meet.

I have another strong friendship group which is newer where we are a lot more fun and I enjoy being in their company but it’s more superficial and I worry it might not last the test of time.

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 16/09/2025 19:48

Archive the WhatsApp chats. Tell them your phone is too busy, you ll check in sporadically.

Don't dump, manage expectations.

Blossoms217 · 16/09/2025 19:51

You may find yourself in their position one day, what you're saying is you don't have the capacity to support them.

YouCouldFallOutWithYourselfInAnEmptyRoom · 16/09/2025 19:54

Some women genuinely feel dreadful during peri, it causes all sorts of health problems and worries. Great that you are not having an issue, but all they are asking for is an ear while they rant, and some supportive words. (I didn’t moan to friends btw, but I was seriously ill until hysterectomy and HRT). You are pretty much minimising their health issues and concerns by calling it a competitive sport.
Have you never received support and kind words from these friends?

Vivisays · 16/09/2025 19:57

YouCouldFallOutWithYourselfInAnEmptyRoom · 16/09/2025 19:54

Some women genuinely feel dreadful during peri, it causes all sorts of health problems and worries. Great that you are not having an issue, but all they are asking for is an ear while they rant, and some supportive words. (I didn’t moan to friends btw, but I was seriously ill until hysterectomy and HRT). You are pretty much minimising their health issues and concerns by calling it a competitive sport.
Have you never received support and kind words from these friends?

Where is perimenopause mentioned? You’re making assumptions about the reasons for medical visits.

Easipeelerie · 16/09/2025 20:01

If you value these friendships and they’re less superficial than your new group may be, then don’t dump. Just be a lot less available on WhatsApp. Let them all know that you've got a lot on at the moment so you’ve decided to check your messages less frequently.

Figgygal · 16/09/2025 20:03

Distance don't dump
If they're long standing real friends you might need them in future

confusedeffie · 16/09/2025 21:27

YouCouldFallOutWithYourselfInAnEmptyRoom · 16/09/2025 19:54

Some women genuinely feel dreadful during peri, it causes all sorts of health problems and worries. Great that you are not having an issue, but all they are asking for is an ear while they rant, and some supportive words. (I didn’t moan to friends btw, but I was seriously ill until hysterectomy and HRT). You are pretty much minimising their health issues and concerns by calling it a competitive sport.
Have you never received support and kind words from these friends?

Over the years, they have been a great source of support as I have to them. Despite overcoming some dark days together, we have always managed to have a giggle in the face of adversity. It just seems they have become overwhelmed by the mundane. I desperately try to lighten the mood and drive our conversations to positivity but I’m severely outnumbered.

OP posts:
Mollydoggerson · 17/09/2025 17:27

Blame your own perimenopause, tell them it's making you a little aloof, unable for too much correspondence, need some head space. Play em at their own game 🤣🤣

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