So fucking irritated tonight by my kids and by life

[argj]

I’m really feeling so fucking annoyed tonight by my kids and by life in general.

is this it ? This is fucking life ? I usually try to be quite hi beat, I have a great life. 2 healthy kids- what’s wrong with me !?

honestly a few months ago I had an epiphany that I am so bloody lucky in life because I have my health ( I do have serious health problems, but not cancer or anything life limiting ) and my family has theirs.

I just plodded along for a while. But it’s all hit me today for some reason. Just what a slog this life is. Nothing to look forward to really.

my kids are so demanding, 3 and 5. I work in a career I hate and have just been made redundant a few weeks ago. I am trying to work out if going back into the same work is even what I want. But I’m applying, having some interviews here and there. My heart isn’t in it.

I am just raging right now. Getting them off to school and back from school is such a fucking slog. 1 hour each way for me. I just feel depressed honestly. I’ve spent the last few weekends alone with them as my husband had to work. I’m just so fed up.

and I was doing all of it whilst I was working full time too. I just don’t know if I can keep going anymore.

I don’t even know what I want from this post. I just feel so angry, depressed and hopeless.

I don’t know if I am cut out for this.

Im sorry you feel so sad. An hour each way for school is very long, and would be hard for anyone. Will that change once the 3 year old is older?
Is the redundancy a chance to reset at all, might you be able to look for a job close to home, or working from home?

Awwww op I’m sorry you are feeling like this. Life sounds pretty tough for you right now. How much support do you get from DH with the kids, housework, mental load etc?

Although I don’t think you sound U I wondered if it might be hormones! I sometimes feel done with the world (like nothing is exciting or fun!) and then I realise my period came and I feel fine. I also wonder if you need something to look forward to? A brunch or a spa etc? 3 and 5 are intense… im sure it gets easier (before the teenage years hit!)

OP, this sounds tough and you have my sympathies. I have a big age gap between mine, so I don’t have first hand experience of having two young DC together. But I do know that you’re in the trenches right now and things do get much easier as they get older.

Is there no way they can go to a nearer school /nursery? An hour is a long run in the morning in particular.

Any chance you can manage for 6 months or a year on one wage? Time to breathe while you work out what you want to do? I appreciate that might not be possible I went back to work after 8 months mat leave. I’m not sure whether we could have afforded much longer.

I don’t really. I do all the drop offs and pick ups. I was going to the office 3 days a week and working from home 2 days a week. I have cleaners once a week. But it’s just so hard getting them ready on time in the morning and getting them to bed is also really hard work. Cooking meals etc also hard but not as hard. Staying on top of laundry is hard too. I stay on top of all child related admin. My husband does all house admin, insurances, road tax, investments, bills. I don’t do any of that.

we won’t change their school for now as they’re both happy. But it does take 2 hours out of my day, every day. They’re also late sometimes. It’s very stressful getting them ready in the morning.

We all have times like this.

You are solo parenting two small children, working full time, dealing with redundancy, thinking about your career path , health worries as well as all the other day to day stuff life throws at us so give yourself a pat on the back for keeping everything together.

You need to take some time out for yourself and do something just for you, even if its something small like going to a nice cafe for a coffee when you have dropped kids off.

It’s physically & mentally exhausting parenting young kids and if you have no support its easy to burn out.

Yeah it feels like an absolute rage. My period isn’t due though. But it could be hormones.

honestly I was just trying to make the most of having time off at the moment. But my fuse is just gone today.

I can’t find anything to look forward to. I dont really have any friends I see. I only see family.

I’m a single parent and thought I’d be a better mum today, so came home from work, picked them up and made some nice food, played games, did homework and watched movie.. but this wasn’t enough. I asked for 10 minutes to myself and they could not leave me alone for a second. I was up until 11.30pm with one of them last night and then the other one woke up at 3am with a cold, then back to school run and work for me on hardly any sleep and a cold coming myself. I love them and want to be better but I don’t know how. I can relate.

Life can feel like a slog at times. I feel that sometimes too. But you need to put it in perspective. This morning for example I saw a quote from Elsie Dot Stancomb’s mum from the enquiry into the Southport murders. She said "Now, when I walk into her room to look in the mirror, I see an empty bed. I ask her what she thinks still but I get no response” . This has stayed with me all day - especially because I have a daughter who is similar in age. I can’t imagine what that poor woman is going through. It makes any gripes I have pale into insignificance. If you aren’t happy with things, put together a plan for change and work on making small changes that make life easier for you one step at a time.

That sounds so hard 🙏 I’m so sorry.

yes this is it with mine as well, they’re just all up on me all the time. Sometimes it’s fine and I can take it, other times it’s not.

today when I picked them up, they were both just terrible, running off, not listening. Having tantrums in the car etc. it’s such an ordeal to just get them back from school! It’s fine when we go in. But getting them to just walk back to the car is such an ordeal.

then as soon as we get in, one wants that- the other wants something else. They just constantly want something. My DD wants to write a story and wants me to help. The glue comes out. Then I need to draw little red riding hood for her. Then we write the story and her writing is so bad. She loves to write but it’s terrible and I am there, trying to correct her a bit but getting frustrated.

I know I sound terrible for describing her writing as terrible but it is, bless her. She really wants to write things. But finding the patience is hard sometimes.

on the plus side, she’s FINALLY started to be less reluctant reading. She read almost her entire book tonight. She was outright refusing a few weeks ago and for a lot of the summer term.

anyway, they always want something. I was trying to wash my face and brush my teeth and they were just messing around, throwing stuff on the floor. They love to throw stuff on the floor, it really winds me up. And god forbid when they suddenly think everything is funny and start winding each other up and chasing each other, that’s another terrible moment of every day. They either chase each other around laughing / hide from me when I’m trying to get them dressed and think it’s funny. Or they chase each other around crying and fighting. It’s hard work !

I know this. Usually I’m really good at keeping it in perspective. I literally have nothing to complain about.

I get this too OP. I mostly feel ground down by running around after the kids and I dont have a long school run like you do. Its just so hard. Sending strength.

I get it Op and I agree. However, these feelings can herald the joy of perimenopause. Maybe cat to your GP?

Well - you’ve been made redundant. And unless you got a whopper of a payout, even from a job you hate it’s not great.

So I think you do have something to complain about and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.

Can you turn the drop off into more of a positive - so line up favourite tunes, podcasts, audiobook? Then at least the bit of the journey without the kids if all for you. On the way back detour via a nice cafe?

Sorry, that’s all a bit Pollyanna.

Must be something in the air tonight OP I had a proper cry sitting on my stairs after getting my 1yo old to sleep, listening to DH try to settle a very colicky newborn and chat to our 6yo whilst I knew he was loosing his mind too. Life just seems so hard for everyone at the minute. Hope things improve for you soon and you start to feel better!

It all sounds incredibly stressful OP. Plodding along with a job you don't much like is one thing, but being let go from it, and then having to suck it up and try to find something similar is just utterly gutting. My DP went through it last year and he ended up finding a great job in a company he much prefers, and I really hope you have a similar positive outcome. 💐
As for the kids - they are wonderful little agents of chaos at those ages and we try and try to fill their cups, but when we take a little time to fill our own, they seem to need something constantly and it is exhausting!
Hang in there! Things will get easier but it is absolutely fine to have a wine/chocolate bar/ binge watch of Downton Abbey ... Whatever harmless indulgence you need to feel human today! X

It is. As I’m typing this, one of them is refusing to sleep and is sitting outside my door. I have just spent an hour reading and trying to get them to sleep but he’s refusing. Sending you lots of patience and strength and here’s to a better day tomorrow

In the same boat re the full time job and doing school runs (mum of 2 kids with SEN) - every day just feels stressful atm

I hear you. It’s just so hard. You are not alone.

How are you doing today @argj?

Much better today thank you. Maybe it was hormonal, I don’t know.