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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Exes family

27 replies

takemeawayto · 16/09/2025 17:36

Hello, I'll try and keep it short..

Me and my partner separated a few months ago as he had multiple affairs which resulted in a pregnancy on the last fling and I was done with it. We have 3 young children and I tried to keep it together, but essentially the relationship had run its course.

When we separated and still living together, i heard him on the phone to his sister (he had her on loud speaker in front of me whilst watching the tv) and she said that it was my fault that he was playing away as i obviously wasn't putting out enough or doing the things that he must like. I was absolutely heartbroken and disappointed that as a woman she could think that. I'm not perfect but I did everything and more for that man while he lived a free exciting life filled with multiple women. Eventually I had enough money and self respect to finally leave him and I was living in peace at last.

Fast forward to now and his family wants to come and stay, they live a few hours drive away. His sister asked if she could stay with me and initially I thought it would be okay but the more I thought about it the more uncomfortable I felt knowing what she has said about me, and she doesn't know I know.

I told my ex I was going to tell her I would prefer if she stayed with him and his mum but he's said there is no room and it will be my fault she can't come and see them any more if I don't allow her to stay in my home.

I was taken aback as I wasn't aware there wouldn't be room for her anywhere else and now I feel compelled to let her stay even though I'm so hurt by what she said. Help!!! Am I being unreasonable to say no?

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 16/09/2025 17:41

Say no. Some people have a good relationship with their ex’s family after a relationship breakdown and some don’t so it will all be an individual choice.

If anything further is said, explain to her that her words were hurtful and inaccurate. They weren’t the words of a friend and she is not welcome at your house.

Your ex’s family is not your responsibility and don’t be guilt tripped into thinking they are.

GabriellaMontez · 16/09/2025 17:45

"Im not comfortable with her staying here. If you want to see her you'll have to make arrangements for her to stay elsewhere. (Optional) you had multiple affairs which is why we're not together anymore. This is entirely on you."

Terrribletwos · 16/09/2025 17:49

Definitely no! But why would they come and stay with you if you are split up?

MonkeyPuddle · 16/09/2025 17:49

FUCK THAT!!! Why the absolute fuck would you put a woman up who was so rude to you!!

Over my dead body would I allow that.

Do not be a doormat. You are a bloody strong woman.

Coconutter24 · 16/09/2025 17:50

Just say no, that’s their family problem not yours

Gizlotsmum · 16/09/2025 17:50

Sorry but that is a him and her problem. They can fix it between themselves

CoffeeBeansGalore · 16/09/2025 17:53

Not your problem. They totally disrespected you & expect you to put them up? Cheeky, entitled baskets. Hasn't he heard of these places called hotels?

Leeds2 · 16/09/2025 17:54

She will have to stay in a hotel/BNB then.

Devon1987 · 16/09/2025 17:54

Not your problem. Definitely not. He is taking you for a mug!

CopperWhite · 16/09/2025 17:55

He’s your ex, you aren’t obliged to host his family at all. It’s weird that they are putting this on you at all, but they are clearly doing it because it’s cheap and convenient, not because the SIL would actually like to see you or find out how you are after the break up.

Tell them no, or they will take you for a complete mug.

Terrribletwos · 16/09/2025 17:57

Ah, read that wrong, sorry.

So it's the sister you don't want to stay because she's been mouthing off about you. Nah...I wouldn't let her stay either..she's burnt her bridges.

YetanotherNC25 · 16/09/2025 17:59

Absolutely not! They are not your responsibility. Say no and be firm. If they want to stay they can find a hotel.

I’ve had my exMIL to stay perhaps twice before but she supported me when I left her son and told me I’d made the right decision. We still get on fine now. But she stays with him mostly when she visits. And if I said she couldn’t stay with me she’d respect that.

Your situation is totally different. No way would I have someone under my roof who’d behaved like that.

SpongeKnobNoPants · 16/09/2025 18:00

She wouldnt be stepping foot inside my fucking house

Firstly, its HIS sister. You are no longer his partner. Where she stays when she visits is absolutely none of your responsibility.

Secondly, she was a bitch and blamed you for him being a disgusting piece of shit.

No No and No!

Why are you even considering this? Why are you allowing these people to make this YOUR problem??

LinedOverLatte · 16/09/2025 18:02

WTF - no chance!! A lot of people don’t want the in-laws to stay when they’re together, never mind being separated.
It won’t be your fault she can’t visit - it’ll be hers for not knowing how a hotel works.

Don’t let this arsehole and his family gaslight you or manipulate you!

DoYouReally · 16/09/2025 18:03

Dear Ex SIL,

I think it's best you don't stay.

You may recall saying my former husband had to look elsewhere because I didn't put out enough and the sex life wasn't up to his standards.

I would hate for you to stay here and find that my hospitality isn't up to the family standards either. You also need to look elsewhere.

Kind Regards,
Better off without you both.

SpongeKnobNoPants · 16/09/2025 18:04

One text: "Sorry ex-cheater, not my circus, not my monkeys"

Done ✔️

takemeawayto · 16/09/2025 18:06

Thank you for the replies! I'm so glad I'm not alone in thinking this! I had a great relationship with his family but unfortunately due to this I'd rather keep things separate as I just don't trust her any more

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 16/09/2025 18:10

I would also be very careful about your ex who says it's your fault btw!!

takemeawayto · 16/09/2025 18:14

@Terrribletwos absolutely! He's always blamed me for it, all kinds of excuses. I don't hold any blame in my heart he's always been the same unfortunately

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 16/09/2025 18:16

takemeawayto · 16/09/2025 18:14

@Terrribletwos absolutely! He's always blamed me for it, all kinds of excuses. I don't hold any blame in my heart he's always been the same unfortunately

Well that's extremely worrying and his actions are not the actions of a kind man.

Have you thought about leaving him? What is your situation?

Caroparo52 · 16/09/2025 18:19

Its in the title. Ex's family. Leave it at that. Ex.
No. No way. Never. You owe him or her nothing. Don't be a doormat to people who don't like or respect you. There are things called hotels. She can book one.

arcticpandas · 16/09/2025 18:28

No way! I might have considered it if I'd had a close relationship with the sister and she had been supportive during the divorce. But she did the contrary!

@takemeawayto My brother and his gf I didn't really know was staying with me for a week couple of years ago. I found her crying one evening and asked her what was up. Apparantly my brother had been chatting with a girl on Tinder🙄. I told my brother what I thought about his behaviour and I comforted the gf telling her that he acted like a twat and if it was me I would leave him. I love my brother dearly but that doesn't mean I am going to excuse shit behaviour. No way would I have said "well, I understand dear brother, she's not puting up enough". Disgusting behaviour from your ex and his sister. I would go nc with her.

NoSoupForU · 16/09/2025 18:30

Jesus fucking christ! Say no. You owe this woman absolutely nothing!

Meadowfinch · 16/09/2025 18:36

Absolutely not. I'm sure there's a travel lodge or an airbnb locally.

You are under no obligation, actual or moral, to play hostess to such a nasty-minded woman. Even if she was sweetness and light, it is not your job to host your ex's family.

The only (possible) reason I would host her is if your children specifically wanted her there.

CuriousQuestioningGal · 17/09/2025 19:44

Just no. Complete sentence.

No need to elaborate. not your family, not your problem. And then enjoy the peace and don’t think about them again. X

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