To be fed up with work colleague!

[Crimble123]

Im finding it almost insufferable working with her. We have the same role but she thinks she's my boss when she isnt.
Im not the loudest person but will hold my own in meetings etc. I don't feel like I need to talk over others and make it about myself.
However work colleague is so loud! Often talks over others including me, makes it about herself. The other day a new person came in to meet us. Colleague made it all about her and she would do this and that and come to her for this and that. Not "we" meaning me and her.
So I did cut in and said oh btw im Crimble I do the same job as colleague and this is my other colleague1 who does a different role.
Other senior staff are asking colleague to hold meetings that I also should be apart of as I have information to add that is valuable but because is loud and all about contacting her for this and that people go straight to her.
Ive already approached our boss once to discuss issues but this basically got batted away. I got the sense from boss and other colleague they are worried about rocking the boat as other colleague1 has mentioned about walking on eggshells and worried about saying something as they know other colleague will get in a mood!
I just don't know what to do. I feel undermined most of the time, Im made to feel like a junior member when im not and my boss has once already batted off me asking to speak to her about these issues.
Im feeling so angry and frustrated

Other senior staff are asking colleague to hold meetings that I also should be apart of as I have information to add that is valuable but because is loud and all about contacting her for this and that people go straight to her.

She has a strong and forceful way about her which is likely to get her promoted.

Refreshing when you consider how many men are like this and make it up the ladder.

I can see why you find it annoying but just keep holding your own.

We cant get promoted in this role.

She has been here a couple of years more than me so i get she knows the staff better but its like whoever shouts the loudest gets heard even if what they are saying isnt always correct. So frustrating

Sounds like you just have different personalities, and that she is more proactive and energetic than you. That’s not to say she’s ‘better’ - just different.
Are you a little jealous of her and the attention she receives?

I agree with @Swiftie1878 OP.

Different personalities by the sound of it.

Annoying but nothing you can do to change her.

All you can do is change the way you are at work if you want to.

Like your colleague I have a "forceful way" about me that does not always go down well. I can remember in a staff development course we were divided into teams and asked to select a chair. I was voted in as chair (I had considerable committee experience). As part of my role I made sure that everyone had their say and that when one particular colleague spoke across or cut off the quieter members I would say something like "Excuse me John but Mary was speaking so can you please allow her to finish?" That did not go down well with the facilitator who accused me of being overbearing. When I said I was going to make a complaint and two other members backed me he quickly apologised. Men in particular do not like powerful women.

If she wants people to go to her for this and that, then let them. Surely it means you have an easier life at work. If she tries to pass the work to you, then push back and say, no, you offered your services, not mine!

That's not the impression I get from the OP's post at all.

'Proactive and energetic' isn't at all the same thing as what the OP's describing. The OP's colleague sounds like someone who lacks professional courtesy and doesn't have the knowledge/aptitude to justify her confidence. Talking over people is just rude.

She’s probably shagging the boss. That type usually do.

Yeah some people are just like that you can't/shouldn't change somebody's personality.

Thank you. Its difficult to get the picture through mumsnet but its not proactive. Its more like im in charge and I want to hold the key to everything and ill let you do the bits I don't want to do.
Today for instance I was "proactive" and contacted a client to get further info. She then got in a mood because she wanted to do it even though id told her numerous times dw I've emailed client and copied you in. She then took it upon herself to ring this client even though she knew I'd made contact.
Its more difficult then proactive and out there.
I have to show her how to do the basic of basic on excel, she cant do it.
Just because someone makes noise doesnt mean they are always right.

@Friendlygingercat I think you were being fair not letting people cut in over others and I agree some people don't like to be told this. However my colleague regularly cuts in especially over me because she sees me as more "junior".

@Idontdobumsex our boss is female so doubt it lol

She couldn't just be a strong and confident woman?

She has to be having sex with the boss?

I think your mind might need dragging out of the 1950s, even if it does start kicking and screaming all the way.

I’ve worked in a few places with a bulldozing female in the past and they have all, without fail, been shagging the boss, hence they get away with their behaviour

All without fail?

I can't imagine where you've been working, in fact I don't want to know.

But rest assured there are plenty of professional workplaces where 'bulldozing females' as you put it, are very successful without having sex with anyone.

Our boss is female so highly doubt this lol

She is the problem (from your pov) and I think you need to become a bit of a problem. Your boss can't be bothered to challenge it so you will need to. So for example, re her contacting a client after you had initiated it, pick it up with her "colleague, I am confused as to why you contacted X after I had already got the ball rolling, I'm sure you didn't mean it to come across this way, but I found it to be very undermining. We should be supporting each other and not duplicating effort and I'm sure this is confusing for the client". Pick these things up every single time and get more blunt as time goes on.

I kept saying to her I've already done it so you don't need to. She said well i need the info now so I've called them. The client then got back to me and I think they would get back to her instead. She then got in a little mood about it.
I pulled her up on something else that boss had told us to do and it makes our life easier and more efficient but she ignored it so I challenged it. She snapped at me and refused to speak to me all afternoon. She also made a passive aggressive dig at me infront of other staff

Its so bloody tiring. She never used to be this bad a few months ago but as I've become more confident in the job and now I know most of it, its almost like she doesnt like iy that im now where she is at but she knows she isnt good with computers so asks me for help which I have always helped her with

Also I have begun writing an email to my boss requested another meeting. She pretty much ignored my first request. Least then its in writing

Good grief really? So women can only be forceful and confident because they're having sex with a senior man?

Any advice on what i can actually say to boss?
I dont want to come across as a witch hunt for colleague as she will 1 million percent play the victim.

Just keep it up with the challenge, go to writing and document what is happening. My tip would be to pour your heart out to copilot or ChatGPT, explain that you are feeling undermined and ask it to help you frame your emails (or how you raise it verbally) in a constructive way. Look at models like COIN to help articulate what the issue is and how things can improve. You want an objective person to be able to look at the situation and see it for what it is with you coming across in a good way. And just suck up that she will be annoyed by your raising your concerns. She's annoying you and it sounds as though it's her behaviour that is off.

With the boss, go in with specific incidents, really clear, state the impact it is having on you and the business. Going to a client after you've made the first contact is a good example, makes your company look uncoordinated, you felt undermined and unsure of what you should do next as not clear who is handling it now, client likely confused too. Ideally she repeats behaviours, so if you've had this happen once, you've given that feedback (ideally in writing) and it happens again - that's when involving your boss will have more impact.

I’ve just started a new job. I have a colleague with whom I have to spend 3 hours, twice a week. I come away each time with a headache, as she talks continuously, like a stream of consciousness robot, causing absolute chaos all round. I have to do this until the end of September. If it was permanent I would be leaving.

This is a long winded way of saying you might not be able to do anything, other than leave (or find a way of working away from her) as bosses are terrified of dealing with ‘personalities.’ People have tried addressing things with my colleague’s boss, but not got anywhere. Some people are just untouchable.

What do you want the outcome to be?

To be included in things that I should be. For colleague not to stop talking to me when I say something she disagrees with. To work together and outwardly show we are a team eg. We can help with this, come to either one of us instead of me, me, I, I.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but agree with you that this is not behaviour that you should have to put up with. Even if you wfh part of the time, you spend a lot of time with work colleagues.