To not be happy?

[Amdbeii]

I feel slightly ridiculous posting this but I just don’t know why I am never happy. I wouldn’t say I am depressed, I’m actually on a small amount of sertraline for anxiety, but I’m not that anxious anymore and I laugh often enough and rarely have any dark thoughts.

But I’m just not happy. I have a lovely wonderful son age 3, DP works away Mon to Thursday and I work in the week too, but DP is hugely supportive around that and we have nice weekends and I see friends and have no money issues.

We have a decent home and a second home where we often visit for a long weekend. I see my family reasonably often and we get on well. I have friends, though don’t see them as much as I used to as we all have families now. I enjoy my job mostly, I am paid well. I don’t have any particular body or health issues at the moment.

Life should be wonderful, I think? But it doesn’t feel it. It often feels like an absolute drag. I get frustrated with things and sometimes contemplate getting older and it makes me sad. I don’t feel happy. I don’t know why. The only things I can think of is that I had quite a tricky childhood, emotionally. My parents weren’t always the best with emotions. But other than that I’ve had a hugely privileged life and cannot understand why I don’t feel proper happiness. What is wrong with me?!

Could you approach your GP about increasing your sertraline? It might help a bit. I feel similarly to you but am currently unable to take antidepressants, I also had a tricky childhood but things are difficult now too, and I can't remember a time when they weren't, so maybe for me it's situational and untreated depression. Sorry I'm not much help!

Have you thought about getting hormone profile done. Not unusual to need HRT or something. Any blip including in thyroid hormone or sex hormone can account for these sort feelings. Might not be but discuss hormones with GP.
Perhaps try switching medication. Sounds great for anxiety but maybe not so well for low mood. Hope you get sorted.

I'd try therapy, if you think the roots are in your childhood, and can't identify anything now that's making you unhappy.

I think you should start by taking notes on exactly what things are 'frustrating' you and what exactly you find a 'drag'. Because you keep saying you 'should' be happy and life 'should be wonderful' -- not necessarily. Your life wouldn't suit some people. There's no one size fits all version of a good life.