One text and I'm ghosted?

[spacecadet]

Met a guy on a dating app around two months ago and have been messaging ever since. Had one great date about a month ago but been hard to arrange the second because of illness/holidays. Anyway we had the second on Sunday and it confirmed to me I liked him and I felt we got on. But he brought his dog!! This meant that I ran out of things to do after two hours of walking around in circles and one short coffee stop and felt like the date had come to an end when we ended up back at the carpark and he hadn't suggested another meet-up. So I said goodbye and thought that was that. I wasnt getting date.vibes so said i was just going to go back into town to buy some shoes I'd seen. Then he texted later and I was really pleased so tried to start a conversation but he disappeared after one or two messages. Again, I figured it was bad and had basically written him off. So when he texted at 11pm (around 6 hours later) and I was half asleep asking how the rest of my evening was I sent back a slightly tetchy reply -

"Fine - had a massive clearout and got loads of stuff on vinted. Having an early night cos early start tomorrow 😇 "

This has resulted in him not replying to my whatsapp message the next day of -

"Morning, how are you? Did you decide to stay off work today?" cos he'd been saying he might.

I am so floored by this! How can one slightly dismissive text message be the thing that stops all communication?? What is this one strike and you're out rule that I'm not aware of? And is there anything I can send to try and fix this or is it terminal? Would really appreciate any advice because I'm at a complete loss TIA.

This is a real stretch, to assume that's what he thinks of you, and a reflection of your low self esteem I think, to assume someone will think this. Your message wasn't grumpy, you're catastrophising! I would gently suggest some counselling, OP, do some work on your self worth so you don't spend the rest of your life worried about what impression you're giving.

Ditch him. What kind of bell end takes a dog to a date?

I wouldn’t say it’s ghosting after meeting twice, and one of those times being a bit boring for you. As much as you are looking for someone you gel with, he is looking for whatever qualities he wants.

He might have brought the dog to see if you like dogs, he might have thought date including dog walk = kills two birds with one stone. Either way, it doesn’t matter as you didn’t like that he brought the dog as it restricted what you did.

And the comment by @smallsilvercloud Going on a dog walk with him isn’t a proper date imo, he’s putting his dog first, when he actually organises a date to concentrate on you for your date! I would consider but I don’t think he sounds that serious anyway, maybe he can prove otherwise perfectly illustrates something - I think two or three hours wandering round a park with someone’s dog and chatting is a good date, no distractions, fresh air, cheap, learn lots of things about each other. Maybe for him that was a perfect date too, maybe for you it was a fail. If (I’m totally guessing here) that’s right, that’s an incompatibility, therefore any more dates are a waste of time. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get dressed up, heels, make up, dinner, a show, whatever, but I’d run a mile from a man who suggested that sort of thing. Incompatibilities are normal, it doesn’t have to be a big fat failure.

Absolutely this. If you liked him and want to see him again, say so. You're hyper-focused on what he might think of you, and don't seem to be giving any thought to what you thought of him on the second date and subsequent text exchanges.

Focusing on how you might be coming across rather than on whether you like the other person is probably the single biggest and most easily corrected issue I see on here, whether it's about dating or making friends.

I don't think your text was the problem, I think he's not that into you.

That sounds harsh but honestly wasting energy on figuring out men who aren't putting their energy or attention into you is a complete waste.

Keep yourself open for dates and interesting connections.

You really are overthinking this.
I don't believe for one minute that he's thought all of the above about you but let's assume that he has.
Are you a shopping-obsessed bad tempered harridan? No, doesn't sound like it.
If he is the type of person to assume these things about you based on the interactions you describe in your posts, that means he is someone who is overly critical and sees the worst in other people and you really don't want to be with someone like that.

So he texted and seemed completely unaware of any of the psychodrama I had created. Wanted to share to give hope to anyone going through similar! No idea where it will go from here but feel soo relieved to know it was all in my head 😅. Don't think I'll admit to how far I went next time I see him...!

So are you seeing him again?

Which leads back to your beginning…

Met a guy on a dating app around two months ago and have been messaging ever since. Had one great date about a month ago but been hard to arrange the second because of illness/holidays. Anyway we had the second on Sunday

You're messaging to presumably have a relationship. Less messaging, more meeting I think. Messaging when you don’t know someone very well can create all sorts of impressions you didn’t mean to create! Meeting twice in two months isn’t great really.

It could be this man is messaging and meeting other women. Speaking from experience.

Nothing wrong with this but it could be his dating energy is scattered. Are you still chatting with other potential people?

It is early days but the dog walk seemed like low effort.

As I was reading through I thought he would be in touch!

Me lol