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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this friendship done?

6 replies

Thatpunkpink · 16/09/2025 10:06

will keep as brief as possible.
best friend through college and up to mid 20’s who then we drifted apart for ten years. Reason being she didn’t like a close friend of mine (quite rightly she wasn’t a good person) and she moved out of area.
when kids were babies we became close again she was living in same city again, since then we’ve been very close for last 12 years. I don’t have loads of friends but have a core group of 5 plus acquaintances.
in the last 18 months she has gone silent on me twice once she was severely struggling with her mental health so absolutely fair enough I kept in contact to say I was there whenever she wanted to talk but I didn’t want to pressure her then all was ok again. Second time she was going through a difficult time again and once we were speaking again she said she was disappointed in me as a friend.
there’s been times I’ve been disappointed in her I’ve had a really hard time health wise over last couple of years and a couple of operations to get through but I’ve managed ok and not wanted to be a burden on anyone but I would have expected some support and I would have offered if the tables were turned. Especially as she has helped other friends of hers in times of need.
anyway all ok until recently it was my birthday and she came to my birthday meal without a card said she had brought me a present. Said she would drop my card around after not received , we were all supposed to go out a few days later but I cancelled as I was unwell. This hurt a little not that I said so as she has gone to special things for other friends she slags off arranging special treats, decorations etc. Since then I have not heard from her I’ve message her to say hope she was ok and she replied she was and feel better soon.
since then nothing for last month we normally speak daily either her calling me or me her. It’s been silent.
is this a done friendship was it a good friendship I don’t know!?

OP posts:
Thatpunkpink · 16/09/2025 10:07

Sorry that was meant to be brief!

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 16/09/2025 11:30

It sounds to me as you have different expectations of friendship. You sound quite needy to me. For example, your friend bought you a present but then you were pissed off that you didn't get a card as well? Speaking every day? I appreciate everyone's different but maybe it's all just a bit too intense for your friend and she was feeling a bit suffocated.

Mary46 · 16/09/2025 11:36

I would find daily contact too intense. I think you both outgrew this friendship. I would leave contact up to her now..

FuzzyWolf · 16/09/2025 11:44

I think this friendship is in the past. You clearly both have different expectations and ideas of friendship and it’s not compatible.

Windthebloodybobbinup · 16/09/2025 12:51

To me this feels a bit tit for tat, like you keeping some kind of scorecard of points. She was brave enough to be honest with you about her disappointment, are you able to just sit with that and listen to understand rather than to judge or defend? If you both want the friendship, an honest attempt to listen openly to each others feelings rather than playing the game of who is the best or worst friend is the only way.

Thatpunkpink · 16/09/2025 17:12

Things to think about thank you

OP posts:
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