Stressed - I want people’s opinions.

[Xylo5]

In a nutshell, my boss effectively told me they want me out of their team.

Without sharing too much detail, I’m basically not wanted and that’s fair enough. I have to admit that I don’t love the job. I’ve not been a negative team player in any way and been doing my job but I haven’t been going above and beyond and admittedly could’ve been doing a better job. To an extent the job is a bit junior for my experience.

I’ve been feeling sick with stress since. Nothing formal actually happened. I still have a job for now and nothing was put in motion to get me out. But I just feel so stressed.

I thought viewpoints from strangers might help me process it. Well, or make me feel worse.

AIBU to be so stressed about it.

If you don’t love the job & admit you have doing the bare minimum, start looking for another role. Taking control of your future will help with your stress, rather than waiting for the axe to fall. Which it will, eventually.

Already started taking action. Partly that’s why I don’t understand why I can’t shake off this sick feeling.

In what context did this happen, OP? Was it part of a formal performance review? I wouldn't expect a manager to speak in those terms to a junior member of staff - if informal it could be construed as bullying and if formal it is deeply unprofessional and has no place in a performance review. I would advise you to talk to HR, and your union if you have one. And keep a record of all performance-related comments made outside of a formal setting.

Put it this way, they don’t want me to improve my performance as they think I would eventually leave anyway. Performance improvement is what will need to happen to get me out, although that would could be difficult as I don’t see how I wouldn’t be able to get through that.

Have the company actually stated that you have been given a formal warning? Surely this would be necessary for you to be at risk of dismissal. Also you mention that your boss wants you off his team - is there them a possibility of transferring to another team and therefore staying with the company? At any rate I would double check your company disciplinary policy.

OTOH if the boss continues to make this kind of remark this could constitute workplace bullying so you should look at the grievance procedure as well.

Another thing that occurs to me is that he probably feels threatened by you if you are in a job that is really below your capabilities. Even so, you have a right to be treated fairly.

Nothing formal and possibility of internal move is being explored.

I’d say your manager has shared feedback to let you know they are well aware that you are not interested in the role.

Even if you say you are not a negative team player, it can come out in other ways. For example (and not saying you are doing these) you refuse to take on extra tasks to help colleagues so they carry more of the workload; you roll your eyes when you are asked to do something; you are critical of a process/task; you often comment that you are stressed/bored/can’t be bothered. Even not engaging with the team in a positive way can be really obvious - for instance not saying good morning, always being in a low/flat mood, ignoring your colleagues. You might not think it is obvious but it often is. And it can affect the rest of the team.

I’d say this is the first step - your manager is letting you know that they are aware of how you are feeling about your work. Either to help you snap out of it or to prompt you to make a decision to move on. A good manager doesn’t want someone on their team who is obviously not enjoying their job, esp. if it is affecting the morale of the rest of the team.

The next step will be to start a formal performance management process. And if you say that you would be able to get through this process, they may include changes you need to make in your behaviours/conduct, not just the performance of work. It might not be the slam dunk you think it would be to get through a performance management process.

Your stress levels are telling you something. This is not the right place/job for you. Keep looking and hopefully you find a role that is a better fit for you.

I’m definitely not doing any of that. The only times I do push back is when I doubt the efficiency of how something is done and have a proposal how to do it better.

One example, some things have been changed but before they could be released to wider use other things needed to be done. I adopted the changes to my work but to be able to share them wider the things that needed to be done needed doing. So I’ve done them, shared with my boss and asked for permission to release.

Weeks later down the road meeting is set up to do the things I’ve done already. Proposals are made how to tackle it.