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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL weird about money

10 replies

SevenSisterz · 15/09/2025 23:02

Sorry this is a long one! MIL gave one grandchild £4k for a car about 10 years ago. She then promised to do the same for all of the grandchildren. MIL gave one of my children the same amount last year - obviously second hand cars have increased quite a bit over the last ten years so me and DH gave our DD a bit extra so they could get the car they has their eye on and made sure it was good low mileage and had no problems. Then this year MIL didn’t give our other DD any money towards a car, no other reason why - just that she thought our other DD should wait another year as she’s still at the local school sixth form rather than needing to travel far for college. This seemed to me and my DH to be a bit unfair - we treat our kids the same whatever, so we decided that we’d buy the car this year anyway and so we paid for the whole car price from savings. When MIL found out she was really unhappy. She has no money worries after being left a rather large amount from her great aunt - I’d not really known how much but she often remarked about it and how she gets taxed so much now on her pensions, etc. so I think it’s not due to lack of funds. She then has given us £2k towards the car, but when she found out that I was paying for my parents to have a new bathroom (my parents can’t afford to pay on their own as low pension income and I’m happy to help them as they need a safer walk in shower and not a bath) and MIL said she wasn’t giving me the money towards a new bathroom for My parents. MIL was being really nasty to me on the phone about it even though she knew my mum was in hospital having a hip replacement that day and I was worried about her - but she said I’d made her and my FIL really cross. I explained that the money she gave us was towards our DDs car that we’d already bought from our savings and that we were paying for my parents bathroom from a different pot of savings - but she just wouldn’t stop saying that she didn’t give us the money for us to spend it on a new bathroom for my parents. Anyway, to make her understand said that I was definitely only using my savings to help my parents and she could have her money back and I’d still be doing the bathroom improvements regardless as it was from a different pot entirely and I’d be doing it even without her £2k. So my DH transferred the money back to his mother. DH was quite cross as I’d been upset about my mum being in hospital and I didn’t need the stress. So we’ve paid for the bathroom improvements from my savings and my MIL now is just acting weird about it all still. I think it’s weird how she treats her grandchildren differently from each other - am I being unreasonable to think she should treat them all the same? It’s really damaged the way I think about my MIL - and my DD still doesn’t know that she didn’t get the same from her grandparents as the other grandkids - she thinks that her lovely granny gave her the majority of the money for the car rather than it being from our savings. Don’t mix family and money seems to be the best way forward!

OP posts:
Itstheshowgirl · 15/09/2025 23:07

She was going to gift it to your other child though just not for another year is that right?

Tbh her nastiness towards your parents would have me telling her to go fuck herself not making promises about different pots of money. Tell her to shove her money where the sun doesn’t shine and don’t have any further dealings with her. Your DD has a car, it doesn’t matter to her who paid for it.

Katflapkit · 15/09/2025 23:15

Why is she so resentful about your parents? It's admirable that you would help your parents out with their bathroom. Is she jealous that you favour them as a family?

I don't blame you and DH for giving the money back. She is way too controlling with it. If I were you, I would scale back what I share with her especially as she seems to be using it as a stick to beat you with.

Butterflywings84 · 15/09/2025 23:19

Sounds like she’s being entirely unreasonable but there’s nothing you can do about it. Not sure how I feel about your DC thinking they gave them the money but can see why you don’t want to upset them if they think they have been treated differently.

SandyY2K · 15/09/2025 23:23

She sounds crazy. I wouldn't be bothered with her after this tbh and I would have told my daughter that her dad and I bought the car. Why should granny get thanks for something she hasn't done.

If her financial situation was such that she couldn't help your second daughter, that would be different, but she's being controlling.

Let her money look after her in old age. She's a pain in the rear and can pi$$ off.

darknightslightmorning · 15/09/2025 23:40

i would have little to nothing to do with her, what a horrible mean minded individual she is to act like that esp when your mum is in hospital.

TheSandgroper · 15/09/2025 23:43

How does she know you are assisting your parents? She shouldn’t. You and your husband are grown adults and get to make adult decisions with no recourse to anyone else.

From now on, there should be absolutely no discussion about money. Ever. Any time she brings up the subject, shut her down.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 02/11/2025 11:12

I would make sure all the grandchildren involved knew exactly how much their grandma had contributed (or not) to their car.

Why should you protect her when you've forked out not her?
Let them see her for the two faced madam she is.

FuzzyWolf · 02/11/2025 11:18

I’m on the view that you should give money without controlling what it’s spent on so she should have just given each grandchild the same amount, probably at the same time for some to put in savings towards a car and the eldest to buy their car. However, I appreciate not l everyone has that view.

How old were the first two grandchildren when she gave them money? Perhaps she viewed it as an adult or 18 yr old gift and didn’t want to give the money to a child or 17 yr old.

As for what you are going for your parents, that’s none of her business and I wouldn’t bother having that conversation with her again.

Hoppinggreen · 02/11/2025 11:21

How did she know that you are giving your parents money, none of her business
Also, don't lie to your child about who bought the car - maybe the truth will make her feel differently about MIL but thats on her not you

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/11/2025 23:21

Dont involve her/duscuss your parents. She doesn't need to know anything about them. This problem has been caused by a family member involving her in things she doesn't need to be involved in.

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