To be really worried about my little boy

[IDontLikeMondays88]

My little boy is 5 and has just started school.

This year has been really tough with him - we’ve experienced some really challenging behaviour with him at home - months of crazy aggressive bedtimes.

Then he started to be really difficult at one of the nurseries he was at over the summer (he was at two nurseries each two days a week - in one of the nurseries he was fine and got an absolutely glowing report at the end of the year, at the other he started to be really quite disruptive - he seemed to take a dislike to a certain staff member and was wild with the staff.

however I was really pleased that when he started school he seemed really enthused and I do think some of the behaviour is related to extreme tiredness (he is up at 5ish every day).

however on Friday school phoned to say he’d had an episode of disruptive behaviour - manically running about the classroom
and annoying the other children.

i am just so vexed this has happened and feel he is probably now marked out as “trouble” not to mention how this might impact on him socially.

he got on “brilliantly” at school today (so said the teacher) but has now been moved down the front beside the teacher basically.

i keep on trying to work out whether it is tiredness related (behaviour has calmed a bit at home
since we made bedtime earlier), poor choices / behaviour that we are not dealing with very well or something underlying like adhd and am really feeling very anxious about it all. - I can’t see the wood from the trees if that makes sense. I feel it’s a really bad omen that his has happened so quickly after starting school (we are one month in as in Scotland)

does anyone have any advice as starting to feel
really a bit unhinged with worry about him.

Bumping for you in case someone more knowledgeable can help

Schools hard aged 5. Its no longer playschool and there are rules you have to obey. Its also like you say, a very long day with so much to take in. Give him time and a bit of understanding. Im sure he will be fine x

Give it time. 2 different nurseries could have been unsettling, especially if he disliked staff at one of them and just wanted to be at the other. Starting school is huge and a month isn't long at all. It's good that it was better today. Just keep the communication open with the school and let them do what needs to be done to address the behaviour, it sounds like they've already found a strategy that helps.

Try not to panic - one episode of disruptive behaviour isn't a reason to label him as trouble. It sounds like the teacher is on top of things, moving him near her so she can keep an eye for times he might need more support/see if anything is triggering disruptive behaviour.

He is 5 - that's so little and he is still learning all the social/behaviour stuff! He is settling into a new class with new expectations and more challenging work. Cut him some slack and just concentrate on having fun with him outside school time. Try and keep bedtimes as low arousal as possible, low lighting, quiet voices and don't show impatience or anger - you are modelling calm quiet behaviour. Even if you have to walk out of the room for some deep breaths to cool off! If he's waking at 5, can you take him into your bed for cuddles and reiterate gently that it's not time to get up yet?

Starting school can be tough for some children, mine was summer born so started reception at 4 and 2 months, and for a little while she really struggled with focus, often found doing pretty much the opposite to what the tea her had said - she was so focused on what she was doing she wasn't taking in instructions. School did query adhd but felt sensible to wait before exploring assessment
Now, at start of year 2, she is focused, calm, top of class academically. It just took time. Give your son some time to see if he settles, adjust routines. We found these helped - earlier bedtimes, focused joint attention screen time only (we don't have ipads etc, but watch movies etc as a family) lots of 'family time'. Even my 9 year old struggles when we deviate significantly from this for an extended period - they are in high need of connection with us to ground them.

Oh bless you and him, he’s still only little.

Maybe there is an issue with him. Maybe there isn’t. Worrying about it won’t change anything 🙃 - keep in communication with the school.

I’ve got 2 boys. Both much older now as my eldest is at uni and my youngest is in 6th year! My eldest was an absolute dream child all through school and my youngest we had no end of problems with (he has ASD). It’s super stressful, I know. You just want it all to go well for them x

Thanks everyone.

bedtimes have been hugely better since we moved bedtime earlier but on occasion he can still be aggressive with us - he almost seems to enjoy creating drama and conflict and will often be laughing etc. which I think is similar to what happened at school - he wasn’t aggressive there but I think was enjoying causing chaos.

it’s very difficult to stay calm while being repeatedly hit / kicked and also difficult to get him to snap out of that “mode”.

a lot of the time he is a great with so many good qualities but there is an element of wanting attention I think even if it’s negative attention and I’m not sure if that could be something underlying or if it’s just because.

I feel really concerned.

re the early wakes he will not go back to sleep at all. He might come in and cuddle for a bit but never actually goes back to sleep.