Husband watching The Sopranos on full blast while I'm trying to put the kids to bed

[TurnTheGodforsakenVolumedown]

I'm at the end of my tether. Every night I'm trying to put my two boys to bed - 9 and 6 (always falls to me as well as their bedtime reading, spellings, but that's another thread) and without fail, my husband will watch at least 2 episodes of The Sopranos downstairs on high volume, so much so that the noise travels up the stairs - even if I shut their doors I can hear it clear as day- constant "fucking" this and "motherfucking" that. I've snapped tonight as it was 8pm - so hardly late, they are both stood on the stairs as they came downstairs to get their schoolbags, next thing you know - "AHH" "fuck" "shit" "bitch" " - I absolutely lost it, went into the room and told him he that can't be watching stuff like this while the kids are still awake unless it's on small volume. He looked at me as if I was the unhinged one and said "sorry, shut the door on your way out". I didn't want it to escalate into an argument so I do exactly that but I'm raging. Am I hormonal or is this completely dickhead behaviour?

I'm beyond annoyed, the 6 year old's room is right above the room he's watching it in and so even with both doors shut, I can hear it through the ceiling, I've put white noise on the Alexa and it still doesn't drown out the swearing.

It's not just the fact it's swearing, every night it's always something, darts or football on high volume, it's deafening and I feel like the unreasonable idiot saying something. A huge part of me wants to grab the control off him,put my shit on the TV and send him up the stairs to put his kids to bed once and see how fucking hard it is with surround sound coming through the ceiling

What an idiot. Is he having hearing difficulties or something. I'd cut the damn plug off the TV if mine did that.

Definitely hide the remote before bedtime. He sounds like such an arsehole, but I bet this is the tip of the iceberg.

Stop putting up with this shit.

I don’t get this.

Why are you the only one doing bedtime?

Have you previously discussed the volume/asked him to turn it down? If not, why not? If so, what’s his justification for not doing it?

He says he can't understand what they're saying and because he's streaming it through the Virgin box, subtitles doesn't come as an option. That's fine, wait until the kids are asleep like a normal person then if you need to have it at volume 50.

He sounds totally pointless, and unkind with it. What does he bring to your life?

This is so far away from how a normal husband should behave.

Can you leave?

Agree that while I love the Sopranos, it’s not suitable tv for kids and it sounds like it’s on way too loud. He should absolutely turn it down and he absolutely sounds like an absolute arsehole.

But why the fuck are you allowing him to get away with it?

Surely even when the kids are asleep it would just wake them?

Sounds like he needs a hearing check

And you need to share bedtimes unless there's a backstory

Another woman with another fucking useless husband....
MN is full of them!!!
I have no useful suggestions though - I guess walking out the door and leaving him to it for an hour or two is not an option?

I've spoken to him multiple times over the years about us having a rota, or him taking 1 and I do the other, he does it for one night and then is straight back to form the next day. I've genuinely not got the energy to fight with him about it and I just leave him to it now, pp is right, it is the tip of the iceberg, our relationship over the past few years is so strained and we have talked about separation and divorce many times. I'm the one that's driving that, every time we have the conversation he's always upset because he doesn't want the marriage to end but then proceeds to do shit like this as if it's going to do anything but cement my decision

Cunnilingus and psychiatry have brought us to this…

Your husband is lazy selfish scum.
Clearly no interest or regard for you or those children.
What on earth do you see in him.
Poor boys.
Stop talking about divorce and action it.
Wasters like him don't want to lose their comforts.
They could care less about you or those poor children.

What a prick. But you’re also stupid for putting up with it, night after night.

I appreciate you don’t have the energy (understandably), but make no mistake that he does not give one single fuck about your tiredness, stress, lack of personal time or any other part of your welfare (or that of the kids who need proper sleep).

Until you change this, get used to it.

Definitely no cunnilingus, but this relationship is absolutely pushing me towards needing psychiatric support

Get him some wireless headphones. Or tell him to get some. He’s a selfish idiot

Poor behaviour on his part but if he won't desist, can he buy some bluetooth headphones?

He has form for starting arguments (or responding to me in an argumentative manner) in front of the kids, so I end up immediately trying to diffuse the situation and then regretting saying anything in the first place. I can't wait to be rid. I just want to live with the boys in our own space with no fucking man child sat on the sofa eating cereal watching tv on volume 50 and stomping around the house like I've aggrieved him in some way for calling him out

The volume is the least of the problems. Why on earth is he not doing bedtime??
Just say every alternate night that it's his turn (you really really shouldn't need to say it)
But honestly I'd leave him. He sounds like an awful, selfish, ignorant, lazy areshole

Are you frightened of this man, OP? As I don’t understand why you’re just accepting all this.

You don’t seem to realise how strange this is.

So he emotionally abuses you and the children.
He gets angry to shut you down, to control you.
Tjat is terrorising you and the children.
Coercive control. A crime.
You need Women's aid.
This is abusive and your children are being emotionally abused too.
Take it seriously.
Don't be so naive as not to know that your children know well that is is a scary angry house.
Children always know.

He doesn't want to lose his free housekeeper and cook (I'm guessing you do both) rather than he doesn't want the marriage to end

Trying to negotiate with a selfish fuck is pointless and exhausting.

Better to spend your mental energy planning a better future and working out a step-by-step plan, including finances and living arrangements.

In the meantime do take a look at the back of the TV next time he's out. There will be an easy way to scupper the TV and create a mystifying fault just as it's coming up to bedtime. First tip is to check and see if the plug has a pop-out fuse. This can be easily popped back in when you or the kids want to watch TV.

Do not engage in his arguments - he is baiting you, looking for an excuse to be shitty.

He seems like a selfish arsehole, but if you really want to stay together then compromises must be made , if he won't do bed time every night then he must do some nights, I know you've tried before OP, but keep putting your foot down. On the other nights insist he wears headphones to watch tv so he can hear it but your kids won't.

Aside from the obvious which will have been pointed out several times by now - and yes he’s a selfish twat, but could he maybe be slightly deaf? It’s not normal to need things at such volume. And as for surround sound - makes me feel unbalanced. I like the nose to come from what I’m looking at-not behind the frigging sofa. How can you tell I live alone and I honestly look back at the noise abuse I withstood (pre kids) and I should have left then. The lack of respect excelled into verbal abuse, smashing doors and finally a mid life crisis, affair, drugs and (I suspect) prostitutes. Now semi retired, I am living the dream with only me, Ddog and DCat. I feel your pain.

I know you’ve tried and tried. I’d knock on the door say while you still live here you do bedtimes on your own if you’re making it hard for me, so I’m out for a walk, will be back in an hour. Repeat tomorrow. Absent yourself for a walk so he can’t yell at you, when you come home reiterate calmly that he can leave, he doesn’t seem to want to divorce but he also doesn’t want to parent and he needs to understand he has to choose one. Ask him calmly are you choosing divorce instead? If not you will contribute as a parent instead of sabotaging my parenting.