Moving schools because of friends

[Eurghhelp]

I don't know what to do and I need someone to tell me what to do.

My DD7 goes to a private school and she started from reception and is now in year 3.

Unfortunately I've found that with it being a private school people really chop and change and there's been quite a few kids that have left over the years and a few additions in year 3. One of those who left after the end of year 2 was her best friend. She was only there for a year and before this my DD had never really found her group or "person" until she joined. She still sees her outside of school but told me this afternoon how hard she's finding it at school now especially playtimes and often ends up alone. She's very quiet compared to the group of girls in her class and they are all quite strong personalities.

I just don't know if I'm being unreasonable in starting to think about a different school. I know we're very very lucky to be in a position to be able to even consider changing schools because of something like this. And I absolutely know it could end up exactly the same if she did move but I just can't help but wonder. It breaks my heart thinking of her on her own at playtimes and I think I'm letting my heart rule my head 😫

Academically she's doing very well and her teachers are always very full of praise which is great. I just feel so so sad about it after she told me she's struggling 😭

Please don't be too mean in the comments I think I just needed to write it down 🙏

Have you been into school to have a chat to see what can be put in place to help her? Perhaps school can do a break time rota or similar to ensure she has someone to play with and they could offer her some support to help her work on her friendship skills.

Ultimately though, friendships or lack of them are a significant reason behind lots of school changes. You just need to make sure you are confident that the issue doesn’t lie with your DD because uprooting her could be traumatic, especially if it’s not for any gain because she remains in the same situation.

There’s no right or wrong answer really but she is young enough to move school without any academic impact and being happy with a good friendship group does affect learning. So if she can move and wants to then why not.

This is a good idea. Her teacher for this year knows she worries at a lot and has already been really supportive. I do think the majority of the problem is my DD being quite quiet and shy, but then she made such good friends with this girl that I feel she just needs 1 or 2 people more like her. But then that's not at all a guarantee if she did move 🤷‍♀️😫

I have said yanbu because it’s absolutely horrid to be stuck in a class where you are always on the outside.

Especially a risk in a private school where classes are smaller. How many girls in her class? How much mixing across years?

How about extra-curriculars - choir, gymnastics, ballet, drama, football, karate, Brownies, etc … they can be very good places to make friends and sharpen up social skills.

And where would you move her to? if she follows her best friend the risk is that bff has found new school friends and she won’t fit in there either.

Presumably you need to give a whole term’s notice so earliest she could leave is summer term and you’ve got until Christmas to decide. Spend this term investing in her confidence and having lots of play dates (not always at home - you could take a friend to the local climbing wall or trampoline place or go for a bike ride with a friend’s family - those things can be lots of fun and better than an awkward play date that goes on too long).

You said yourself there’s a lot of movement in/out so it seems a lot to move schools when you have no guarantees she’ll find it easier elsewhere and there’s every chance future movement will bring in other peopke she will click with. I’d work with the school to equip her to manage best in her current environment. When my DS was struggling he went to more lunchtime clubs and teachers had him roped in to help in classrooms etc - basically getting him out of wandering round the playground feeling lost.