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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Reporting historic dv abuse, advice needed please

3 replies

Spirited123 · 15/09/2025 13:53

Posting here for traffic

My friend suffered abuse in a relationship 9 years ago.

Only recently has she been able to be more honest with us about what happened.

He was controlling (stopped her seeing friends), made her do certain things (for example, made her write emails to ex boyfriends saying she’d never see them again)

he pushed her in an argument and she got a concussion.
he stopped her leaving her flat on many occasions.
he’d verbally abuse her regularly.
he threatened her many times with violence.

As part of her healing process she wants to go to the police and report him. Sadly I don’t think there’s much concrete evidence for them to pursue a conviction.

We believe he has probably done similar behaviour to other girlfriends before her and since, and I think she hopes somehow this could help connect them..

Has anyone got any experience of reporting a historic case like this and how the police treat them? Will they just be very dismissive?

please only reply if you have experience of this, thank you so much 🙏

OP posts:
gellielli · 15/09/2025 14:01

Sadly it completely depends on the force. Some are helpful, some are not. Don't pressure her either way. If she wants to report it then just support her in doing so. Maybe go with her and offer a hand to hold. If he is investigated for domestic violence in future she can know that her statement may be helpful.

Spirited123 · 15/09/2025 18:14

gellielli · 15/09/2025 14:01

Sadly it completely depends on the force. Some are helpful, some are not. Don't pressure her either way. If she wants to report it then just support her in doing so. Maybe go with her and offer a hand to hold. If he is investigated for domestic violence in future she can know that her statement may be helpful.

Thank you, it’s helpful to know that the response could vary force by force.

I wondered if it’s better to call first and make an appointment, before going in person - I’m not sure if the police work like that though?

OP posts:
Spirited123 · 15/09/2025 22:05

Bump x

OP posts:
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