So the last few years have been so tough. Dealt with having to homeschool our disabled child for months all through COVID, and one parent dying. Had to take on care of the other parent as they couldn't cope. Care like financial affairs and practical stuff. Then just as was getting on top of things, had my other child go through some terrible health problems....physical and mental. It was bad for like 2 years, couldn't leave their side in fear of what they would do or what might happen physically etc. All while dealing with my own ill health (I've a hereditary chronic condition)and basically, just had no support other than me and my husband dealing with this between us . One grandparent refused any help and berated husband for asking for it. Could have understood their reasons short term, but the way they spoke to him for asking when he was mid breakdown was disgusting . Basically said you are spoiling my enjoyment of having a new grandchild for asking me this (asked if they would help with care for our disabled child once a week). It was the cruel attitude towards him, not them saying no, that hurt us. Not the first time either. Once hung up on him for not sounding excited about something she was excited about. He explained how he was excited but also tried as we'd been at hospital all day with our then baby, and she said well you are the only person I have to talk to this about and you just aren't excited enough and hung up. Nice eh? My remaining parent, whilst I've no doubt cares, barely even bothers to call unless they need something. I think they see it as not bothering me, but god how I've needed my mum to be my mum and not another child these last few years. Went weeks without calling after my child was hospitalised after an attempt on their life , didn't call til they needed something. Not one of them bothered to visit, cook, offered to help with child care etc or even call....just the little things I do for them when they have been sick or going through a rough time. All one does is tell me how much they can't cope and tell me how stressed they are without asking how I'm coping whenever I see them, the other one just finds jobs for us to do in return if she does rarely help out, and then makes really triggering comments in front of our sick child . Or criticises us passively aggressively, like walking into my house and saying to my child I didn't think you were allowed your iPad at the table. This is the only way we've been able to distract our child to eat so as not to die basically, they know this, yet still make crappy comments about it. Offers all their help to the other set of grandchildren every week, never dares criticise them ,and has been like this for years mind you. So many different things they have done .And frankly I've just reached a point where I'm done. I barely visit. Don't invite them here unless I have to. Before I had them here regulary for tea, took them on days out and holidays , was always visiting once or twice a week etc. Yet every time I've needed them, nothing. And I don't ever ask for help unless I'm desperate because I find it hard. I'm the one who copes and helps others. I can't bring myself to care or to make much effort after this. There's so much more to it but would take forever and this is the final straw of a very long list. But one side has always said I'm always here to help, yet when you ask there's always a reason at the hardest times they can't, yet they do exactly that for the other kids a few weeks later. And the other parent, well they just can't see past their own needs after losing a partner. Not even to help their own child or grandchild. And while I have sympathy for that and I do see where they are coming from at least and that it isn't deliberate ....I can't expend energy I don't have on them any more. It was nearly killing me trying. Now I visit when I feel I can, I do what things I feel I can, and the rest she has to find help from others for . But I feel bad for it. I dont think I should though when they never feel bad for leaving me to struggle. I just can't juggle 2 very high needs children , my own illness and them anymore though. So aita for just ..... Acting like they do and leaving them to it most of the time?