To feel so lost with ds3 and school choices

[EatsConn]

hi all sorry this is long and probly dont make sense but my head is mashed and i dont no who to talk to anymore. i lurk here alot and finally got the courage to post.

so im a single mum (dh passed when kids were little) and i got 4 dc. dd1 is 23, ds1 is 20, ds2 is 17 and then ds3 is my baby 10 (year 6) and hes the one im worried sick about. the big 3 are basically grown now and off doing there own thing (dd1 got bf and moved out, ds1 at uni, ds2 doing a levels and mostly in his room if im honest 🙄) so it feels like its just me and ds3 most the time.

ds3 has so many issues i dont no where to start. hes got autism, global delay, probly adhd (still waiting for stupid assement, been on list forever), speech probs, epilepsy (absence seziures) and asthma and eczema. he doesnt sleep good at all, maybe 4/5 hours then hes up again and then so am i. hes still working at year 1 level even tho hes 10, needs 1 to 1 at school but they only give him part time. meltdowns are awful esp if routine changes or if its noisy. he hates loud places, cant cope with supermarkets etc. also got sensory issues with food so very limited diet.

school been… well lets just say not helpful. im trying to get ehcp sorted but la keep dragging feet and im scared it wont be in place before we have to choose secondary. dead line is end of oct and i just dont no where to even apply. mainstream secondary i cant imagine him coping at all, its huge and loud and hes already struggling in small primary class. but spec schools here are limited and ive been fobbed off before. everyone tells me im just anxious or over protective but honestly if they lived a day in my shoes theyd see 😔

i feel like ive spent years begging professionals to listen and im so tired of it. ds2 even says hes fed up cause everything is about ds3 all the time, i do try but it is. i worry what will happen when im older, who will look after him, how will he cope.

aibu to be panicking about this now? has anyone been in same boat with secondary choices and a kid like this? i just feel like no one takes me serious and im shouting into a void.

sorry this is so long, i ramble when tired. thanks if you read this far 💐

The EHCP system is notoriously difficult to manage, and the local authority will do everything they can to avoid spending money. I recommend EmpoweringSENDfamilies.co.uk. They have some great webinars - some free, some very low cost - that will take you step by step through the whole process. They also offer tailored support. There are other advocate companies out there - I've worked with a couple and these are the best I've found.
There is still time if the EHCP application is already in. Although the deadline for secondary applications is Oct, the deadline for EHCP placement decisions is 15th Feb. In a transition year (i.e. moving from primary to secondary) you will also get an earlier tribunal date (which you will probably need to make sure that the EHCP is fit for purpose, and if you want DS to go to a special school.
There is hope! But it takes a lot of work. Just don't expect the school or the LA to do any of it...

Where are you with the EHCP? What week are you on? You say the LA is dragging their feet, are they in breach of the timescales?

ISPEA and SOSSEN are good starting points for understanding the EHCP process.

Have you spoken to the local schools?

Unless you have a finalised EHCP by the normal admission deadline, you should submit an application via the normal admission process just in case. If an EHCP is subsequently issued, that will override the normal application.

You might get more info sen board. Not familiar with ehcp system (different area of uk) but we ended up getting legal advocate to deal with education authority to get the support needed

He sounds like he needs a specialist placement