What age to be allowed out on own

[Grk]

My 11 and half year old just started secondary school wants to be out and about now on her own with her friends I'm very dubious I grew up down south and wasn't aloud out .there's currently an event on at the park literally across the road from us but I can't see it from my house and she's itching to meet some friends over there. She's got a phone and a tracker on it but honestly it worries me so much I don't want her being a nuisance. She is polite sensible and well mannered however this still concerns me
What age do you start letting them go out a bit more
To get to school she's currently doing a mixture of walking and lifts

I used to go out and play with friends in nearby woods from about 9 or 10 I think. I definitely used to be allowed to cycle a couple of miles across the village by the time I was 11, and also to a woodland about a mile away where I would play with friends.

When I was 13 I was allowed to cycle 4 miles and then get the bus into town (a further 12 miles away). When I was 15 I was allowed to get a train to the city 50 miles away.

Editing to say I'm in my 30s so this wasn't pre-traffic or anything like that!

For me, around 10 years old. Year 6. Definitely by secondary I’d allow a daytime event.

IMO if you’re too strict they just end up rebelling. Children need to learn independence.

She's got a phone and a tracker on it but honestly it worries me so much I don't want her being a nuisance.

A nuisance to who?

Can you explain a bit more about this?

About 9 years old. By 10 mine could go into the local large village for a wander and some lunch.

My DS is 10 and just started year 6. He has no phone or tracker. He’s allowed out in our local village with agreed times to check in.

Let her go. That kind of thing for DS in year 5. He felt so proud and it really boosted his confidence. He has a watch and knows when to come home rather than phone and tracker.

Yes of course she should be allowed out and about now she is at secondary if you haven’t already started it at primary. You need clear ground rules, you need to know where she will be and as you go along you will probably have to have an evolving set of rules/boundaries. It’s time for her to learn consequences of being a ‘nuisance’ whatever that might be. She needs to learn independence and resilience and an ability to solve problems on her own and with friends. All very important life skills she won’t learn by sitting indoors.

This, Y6 DD just started heading to friends and park (no phone)

I think a lot depends on the child and who she is with. Is she sensible when the need arises? Is she aware of the potential dangers and hazards that lurk out there in the real world? Does she know what to do if anything happens that she can't handle? Are the friends she is with likely to be a good or a bad influence on her behaviour?

You say you don't want her to be a nuisance. Well, that's nothing to do with her age, it's about attitude and behaviour. Plenty of adults don't know how to behave and are definitely a nuisance and a total pita wherever they go!

I’m in London (fairly safe area but city rather than sleepy village) and allowed this from year 7, which sounds like your DD is. Not before.

i let my son out by himself to do things like that when he started year 7, he had a phone and i had his location

Pretty much all the families around us seem to go for 11 as the age.

Start waking into school in yr 6, and then get into practice for secondary school travel. Once they’re doing that, they can travel to meet friends etc outside of school. Reasonable distances of course and not after a certain time.

Edit - we are outer London.

I think it’s incredibly important that parents don’t set their desire not to be worried above children’s need for appropriate independence. How on earth will they learn otherwise?

What do you mean-nuisance? Who to?

She's 11 - of course she should be allowed out on her own. And get rid of the stupid tracker! Children have to learn this stuff, and not be constantly watched over by their parents.

What do you think the risk is now compared to in a year or 5 years time?

Is it maturity? Is she silly, reckless or impulsive?

Or are you just scared for that step?

If its the latter, I think you need to feel the fear and accept it will only be overcome.by letting her go and hoping for the best.

3 or 4.

But I grew up in the 60s, no traffic, most people on the small housing estate worked for the same employer, lots of kids out playing - often rounders or football in the road, and generally most adults knew most children by sight, if not by name.

Totally different nowadays, I accept that, but I think by 11 a child should be having a level of independence and responsibility.

All the people asking about nuisances, it’s a given if you don’t know where your child is there a chance they’ll be in the large group hanging around the door of McDonald’s or going into a shop but not really buying anything. Some people will see that as a nuisance rightly or wrongly. In the stationary shop I worked in groups would come in and then one of them would buy a pencil, while blocking up the stairs, being loud etc. I didn’t mind them, especially when it was raining because at least they’re not under a bridge drinking, but some of the staff used to hate it (more because they hadn’t bought anything and older customers would leave as it was so loud)

Let her go By age 11 my dc were hanging around with their friends after school. Kids are mollycoddled so much nowadays.

DS is 10/year 6 and has been walking home from school for a year and has just started being allowed to walk down to friends’. Not allowed to roam around the neighbourhood alone yet.

Definitely by start of secondary. Then next big step was at 13 where they’re out and about for longer; take themselves into the city centre it watch movies or swimming, and go for food after. I reckon they’ve got a right to be out and about and have fun, as long as they’re polite and respectful - although they can be a bit overexcited, giggly and noisy when they’re out and about together

Agree with this.

Mid year 6 going within close distance of house but out of sight with friends, year 7 going further with friends, year 8 short distance alone, bus to local areas etc with friends.
They need independence to develop confidence and life skills.

Mine played out in our cul de sac at infants school age, nearly every house had primary aged kids and the older ones did help supervise the younger ones (one lovely youngster who by that point was 11 and at secondary told me she was really too old to play out with the little ones but did so to look after them, actually she loved it but the self imposed role made her feel
important!

from 10/11 they did occasionally go to the park with friends, or rather dd2 did, dd1 didn’t do friends

Age 11 or so. DH or I would often walk with her to the friends house or park and make sure she meets the right friend. Then she could come home on her own by an agreed time.