Should I tell his work - stbxh has multiple affairs at work

[cantstandit]

I am in the process of divorcing my husband, primarily because he controlled my every movement and made my life (including our children) miserable. The final straw was when I discovered he was having (at least emotional) affairs with 2 women who work for him (one seemed more like a relationship and the other was more fling/photos/sexting) at the same time.

I have had to fight for ever tiny step to separate - multiple court hearings and my debt has piled up (funded by high interest litigation loan). To make matters worse we are living overseas which has resulted in another level of complexity and he has now applied to court to relocate with our children (leaving me behind).

He found out I was planning divorce by checking my emails. He immediately took our entire savings from join account to pay off our mortgage which ensured I didn't have access to funds to move out or for legal fees. There has been much more of this type of tactics but I won't elaborate here.

It has resulted in 2 years of living hell and I am near rock bottom. I feel so powerless in this situation..legal proceedings in two countries, disputes about the children. No financial agreement..this list just goes on and on. His only motivation is to punish me for leaving him and so there is no hope of any kind of settlement outside court proceedings and he seems to be able to make a complete mockery of the entire process (financial disclosure, child arrangements etc).

He holds a v senior role (board level) with a large company. I want to tell his employer how awful he is; that he has left me in massive debt and refuses to pay our children's school fees (whilst pretending he is still happily married man), I want to share the photos and messages between him and these two woman.

It isn't just these two relationships that bother me, since leaving I have realised this has been a pattern of behaviour throughout our marriage.

I know if I speak out my life would certainly implode even further, I have kept quiet as I just wanted to get out of the marriage and live a peaceful life. I want to protect my children from further hurt.

However, I am the only person who has visibility of his behaviour at work.

How can I stay strong, what can I do - I really feel I can't survive this situation. Help!

I’m really sorry you are going through hell at the moment but I don’t think you should involve his employer. Try and rise above it. I just don’t think anything good will come out of it (apart from you feeling better for one minute). You know the truth and what he’s like as a human and hopefully he gets some karma down the line x

He will have even less money to pay school fees if you get him sacked

He sounds awful but I don’t think you should be involving his employer.

Does his ability to shag anything that moves, including you, affect his job?

Being a shit has nothing to do with his workplace and you'd just sound bitter and vindictive.

Does he pay child support? If he's unemployed he won't have too. Will it make him more vengeful? I wouldn't do this.

Would him being hauled in front of a disciplinary committee or even possibly losing his job help you in any way OP? If the answer is 'Yes' then go for it, but if not, tempting though I'm sure it is, I wouldn't, because chances are it will just make things even worse for you. It must be sickening though that he's the one who has caused all this chaos and upset in your life and so far he's not seeing any consequences from that. Is there an end in sight? Honestly, if so, I would focus on that.

Are these women working for him? If so that’s a serious breach of trust, if there’s a real power imbalance then these women could be exploited by him, and he doesn’t sound like a great character. Is there a way you could blow the whistle discreetly?