Play date situation

[nosleepforme]

I pick up dd7 from school every day, we don’t live far so no need for a rota or car.
at pick up, she was standing with another girl who lives in a block of flats a few buildings down. The girl normally walks home alone with her sister in kindergarten. Her mum doesn’t come to school.
dd says “oh x is coming to play”. The girls had arranged and although dd had asked me I hadn’t confirmed anything and hadn’t spoken to the girls mum. So I said “I’m working this afternoon, I can’t today, tomorrow” (I wfh on my own business and can have distractions, but sometimes my work makes a huge mess as I run the company from my house. And I don’t like visitors on such a day.)
mum came to collect kindergartener and her dd told her that I’d said no she can’t come. Mum comes up to me and says but the girls arranged it’s not fair.
I said to mum, sorry I’m working so I can take her tomorrow, not today. I could see in her face she was super annoyed with me

yabu - take the kid home and let them play
yanbu - both mums need to approve and if you need to work, then not today

Of course kids can’t make the plans- ignore the person trying to dump their kid on a stranger. I would have said another time and keep it vague.

I always say to my children that unless the grown ups have agreed to a plan then it isn't happening!
I would reinforce this message in front of both children and the other parent. 'DD you have not discussed this with me, we can have a playdate but not tonight'.

7 year olds do not get to be incharge of planning!
The other mum was being cheeky there.

Yeah 7 yos don’t get to make their own play dates and bind you to them.

Saying “she can come tomorrow” is totally fine. Of course you can’t have unrelated kids in the house if you’re working.

The Mum probably put her dd up to it because she had something she wanted to do, but it doesn’t work that way.

Okay thanks everyone.
thought I was being fair, but you never know…

What happened the next day btw? Did she come?

7 year olds dont make play dates, parents do that

This.
That woman's response would ensure there never would be one either.
CF.
Speak to your daughter and tell her to never again make arrangements without asking you.
Basic stuff.

I would never have a play date with someone child if this is what they’re like. It’s definitely not the way things are done. At 7yo parents make the arrangements. And parents get to know each other before sending their kids of to someone else’s house.
I would just encourage your dd along to make new friends

Of course you're not in the wrong here.

My children make play dates with each other most days. It’s only the ones I agree with and are convenient with the other parents that go ahead. Children don’t make the arrangements!

Yes. Mum didn’t pick her up, so after supper time when it was already bath/bed time I called mum and she said to bring her home. Wasn’t ideal at all!

I’ve never had such a situation before. Normally the mums call me or I call them and we arrange. Or the kids call over the phone on speaker and I can hear the mum and she can hear me approving too.

So you didn't really make proper arrangements? When the kids said about it and you said tomorrow why didn't you confirm times? We don't really do playdates but the odd one I have done the parent has collected from school, said they will do tea and then says the time they want me to pick up. It sounds rather careless that this mum didn't really make proper arrangements (and neither did you) about logistics.
I don't think I would be encouraging playdates with this friend.

I agree. This other mum has CF written all over her.

You offered a very reasonable alternative and she took offence. Good.

If she smells a hint of weakness, she'll be in.. Asking the kids in front of you "kids would you like OP to do A, B and C.?

Never let others use the kids to emotionally blackmail you.

Be blunt...and refuse. What's the worst she can do?

I know you want to be kind and helpful... but trust me, she will take advantage.

Just seen your update.

Let that be the last time it ever happens.... Bring her home indeed. You are not her servant.

Make up any excuse to avoid it.

Yes I did but her mum never turned up

Yea. Not inviting again.
theres some other really nice normal parents in the class.

Definitely a red flag on this one. Sounds like she is quite happy to offload her child onto any one. I would be saying no to future playdates.

Tbh I kinda should have known if she can’t even be bothered to send someone to pick up the kids. Honestly a 7 yo taking a kindergartener home is crazy to me. I know it’s only a few buildings down, but it just gives you the sense of what mum is like.

Sounds like a bit of neglect going on there. I'd be wary about letting your DD go round theirs!

I would hazard a guess that the girl invited herself round for a play date as she doesn't get any attention at home.