Money manifestation in his pillowcase

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DP is at work today, stripping our bed and hidden in a pillowcase was an A4 piece of paper with numbers on in different formations.
I sent a picture to DP and he said it was a money manifestation and that it needs to go back in his pillowcase.
I honestly just feel so weird about it. I'm open to things like this but I'll admit I have no knowledge of it and it's not something I've ever looked in to.

However, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. DP is in a right old mess with his finances, I knew it was bad and his Mum had had to pay one of his credit cards off recently so he's paying the money back to her instead because the balance was so high he was making no headway with interest.

This week, I opened a letter he'd half opened and it was from MBNA saying he'd missed 3 payments on his loan and as they haven't heard from him they've closed his account and he owes the full £12300+. The letter mentioned bailiffs and all sorts so I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn't put it in front of him.

I'm just so mad about this money manifestation thing. He's obviously in a mess but surely something practical would be better than this. I feel so vulnerable, we keep separate finances but we're linked by a mortgage and a joint account etc. Talking about money just descends in to an arguement but I just have no faith that he's on top of things.

There's plenty of background but I realise this post is so long and I'm just ranting, sorry.

Am I being unreasonable to feel totally bewilderworld that he's turned to money manifestation? Or is it just a harmless thing he's doing to try and help his situation?

This is going to impact you as you're financially li nked

The man is a fool. He's got himself in an awful situation, and it might not be all that long before the bailiffs come knocking. Please ensure that you gather together as much proof as you can of which items in your home belong to you, otherwise they could just march off with the lot. And do not let anyone in to your house. Keep all the doors locked, even if you are at home.

I would not worry about the pillow case thing, you need a plan and maybe you both need an extra part time job to cover the debt.

You need to take steps to protect your interest in/share of the house, in case his creditors seek a charge against it.

Then you need to work out how to leave - no matter how much you love him, this man will drag you down. He’s clearly deluded if he thinks a bit of paper in his pillowcase is the answer to his financial issues.

I feel so vulnerable, we keep separate finances but we're linked by a mortgage and a joint account etc.

That’s because you are vulnerable because you are financially linked and impacted by his decisions.

Can he see a debt specialist? I think you can keep a mortgage with an IVA so that might be a route to go down. If he is forced in bankruptcy, you’ll lose your home.

My god, what an idiot, he is putting his head in the sand and relying on magical thinking.

I would be beyond furious

Am I being unreasonable to feel totally bewilderworld that he's turned to money manifestation? Or is it just a harmless thing he's doing to try and help his situation?

Reaching for mumbo jumbo in a serious situation like this, would point to him feeling desperate and out of control.

The only way to deal with it is to get expert financial advice immediately.

That's what you need to concentrate on, not some sort of pie in the sky nonsense he's learned from the internet.

I don’t think there’s any point fixating on the manifestation thing. He probably just saw something on the internet and because he’s in a desperate situation thought what the hell - it might work. I don’t really understand why you’re so angry about a piece of paper in his pillowcase with numbers on it when you’re getting bailiff letters over unpaid loans.

I would worry that it’s a sign he is not taking responsibility. His head is still in the sand, he needs to pull it out, face reality and start taking practical steps to sort out his financial situation, not pray to the money gods to do it for him.

I'm not angry about finding the paper at all, I just feel totally bewildered. I'm cross at the situation he's put me in and I'm feeling so worried and scared about my home and my future. I've had such a difficult week and barely slept at all after finding the loan letter.

This man is financially incontinent.

You are never going to have a good life together if he's burying his head in the sand and relying on hocus pocus.

If it were me, I'd put the house on the market and go your seperate ways.

If you don't want to, then I would insist on a metting with step change and a debt management plan if he wants to continue in this relationship.

I agree - put the house on the market and split the equity. He can move back in with his mum and get himself straight. You're better off without him - you'll get dragged down if you stay with him.

He needs to get on MSE and make a proper repayment plan.

Mumbo jumbo under the pillow isnt going to fix what he has got.

Separately and very seriously financial illiteracy/incontinence destroys marriages and lives. (Im talking about your life not his)
Unless there is a very good, clear, concrete reason for this debt (hint: there isnt) and a clear exit plan I would not have a future with this man.

This level of debt is intense unless hes on 100k or so per year he is going to be paying this for a looking time. Your life is going to be miserable.

Get the house on the market and separate finances irrespective on whether you stay together (i would split but I watched my uncle ruin my aunt and my cousins lives being a feckless wastrel full of apologies and shit amd nothing else.

Your partner needs urgent debt advice. He's burying his head in the sand, as to how serious his debt problems are. I doubt you know the half of it. How has he gained so much debt? Where's all his money going per month? You are jointly linked by the mortgage, and his financial issues will end being yours if he's secured any loans against your home or a creditor applies for a charge against the property. You need urgent legal advice, to protect your home! You aren't responsible for paying his personal debts, but having a mortgage together makes you very vulnerable. You can't force him to take responsibility. However, you need to make sure you aren't dragged down by him, and if that means ending the relationship before it all blows up completely, then that's what you need to do. I have lived with someone with debt, who wouldn't acknowledge any issues, and it's beyond stressful. I left in the end (not the sole reason but it was a contributing factor).

Put the note back in his pillowcase and then sit him down for a proper chat to find out exactly how much he owes, the interest rates, what his monthly outgoings are and then get him to call the creditors to propose a repayment (if he can’t afford the minimum payment they are proposing). The longer he buries his head in the sand and waits for money to land in his lap via manifestation, the worse it’ll get.

I was in a lot of debt in my 20s and I think I seriously was waiting for a knight in shining armour to come along and rescue me. Spoiler alert - they didn’t.

Sorry you’re in this position.

Also check out moneysavingexpert- the debt free wannabe forum is really helpful

From your first post:

’I’m just so mad about this money manifestation thing’

Rather than take any responsibility for the financial mess he has created for himself he has the victim mindset that the universe has conspired against him and he has turned to Mumbo Jumbo.

Not only that but he goes running to his mother to bail him out.

Do you really see a future with this oaf?

Are you sure it’s money manifestation like he says or is it him trying to work out his debts and they’re actually bigger than you think?

I would also question if the money manifestation is actually a list of all his debts

This is not your problem to fix!

How did the debts occur? He’s got himself into serious debt (gambling addiction?) and he’s not taking any responsibility to sort it out. A grown man with his head in the sand and getting his mummy to pay off his credit card and now he’s defaulted on a bank loan. This is not someone you should tie yourself to.

Close the joint account so that your money isn’t sucked into his mess and set up a separate account to pay your bills.

Make plans to separate and don’t stay with this man as you can’t control his spending and he will (financially) ruin your life. I used to work as a debt adviser and I’ve seen this sort of situation far too often where the woman tries to fix everything but every time he lets her down again and again.

I really hope you don’t have children together. 🤞

OP, what has he actually had to say about the likelihood of the bailiffs turning up? Does he own a car? If so, that's likely the first thing they'll take, but as others have said, be sure to keep all doors and windows locked from now until you've resolved this debt situation. Do you know anyone who you can borrow the amount he owes from, ie, would his Mum help out again? Is there any way in which you could afford to buy him out of the house, so that he can pay off his debts, and then move in with his Mum or someone else, until he's in a position to start fresh? Do you think he has a gambling problem? Has he come up with ANY explanation as to why he's not been paying his debts?

You are both not in a good situation here. How has he run up so much debt, what’s the money been spent on? You both need to come up with a plan on how to sort this, it may be his debt but you are linked and so it is your problem too.

So, calmly, where does the debt come from? Is his monthly income less than his essential outgoings? Or is he making unnecessary luxury purchases? Is he spending on holidays, clothes, meals etc he can’t afford?

If it’s the latter I would be cross, if the former I wouldn’t. It’s important to know.

An IVA might be a decent option but it would close all of his avenues of credit for quite some time. Bankruptcy is also an option and, actually, it would depend whether there was much equity in your home as to whether you had to sell it.

DH was made bankrupt in 2007 but we were allowed to keep our home as there was minimal equity and you are allowed to keep the money it costs you for a reasonable rent or mortgage.