To consider restraining order

[jacki9]

I posted a few months back about how ex threatened to throw me off the balcony during our holiday. And now he has just threatened me again during a telephone conversation to ‘put me in a box’. I called him out straight away and he quickly tried to ‘justify it’ by stating, only if i give him reason to and that reason would be if i met someone else. We have been separated since April this year and he still tries to control where i go and who with. I told him I’m contacting the police and he said i’m trying to make him look bad. I have been gaslit by him for so many years I embarrassingly can still be manipulated by him. Just help/advice please on if you would go down the route of a restraining order.

Phone the police every single time. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time.

why are you still in contact with him ?

Report every single incident to the police. Keep a diary of it all. Stop communicating with him in any way. If you have shared children you need someone being a go between so you don’t have to deal with him directly yourself.

Restraining order is a criminal order which police enforce.
Look at a non molestation order which is a civil order and you can apply for.

We have 3 children together. The conversation started out just talking about our children. Then it just completely took a turn out of no where.

@Titasaducksarsewill look in to this. Thank you

Can you get a third party to act as a go between ? There are also parenting apps you can use to communicate.

I don't think you need an Order.

Just text him an email address for contact about the children which you will check once a week and anything urgent you can be contacted via a relative or recorded phone call.

Basically record everything and no friendlyliness. Pure facts and arrangements.

He has twice recently threatened to kill her.

Solicitor. Police every time. App for contact on advice of solicitor. Once he realises he cannot get to you, my concern will be for the safety of the children. Id hope he would get bored of contact.

Don't threaten to contact the police, just do it.

And do it every single time he threatens you.

Unfortunately they may not be of much help, but contacting them every time will put it on record and let him know you're deadly serious.

There’s no one really to act as a third party. Our physical contact is minimal. Just three afternoons a week when i pick then 2 youngest up from his when i finish work. But can’t see away to completely stop contact.

She hasn't actually asked or tried to reduce contact though. For all the police or anyone else knows, he hasn't proven he won't accept that.

Yes, we both know he will ignore her but it's hard to see that the police won't tell her to try that first before turning to the law.

If you can't use a third party to communicate, at least stop communicating by phone, or in person, and insist you communicate by some messaging app.

Maybe research to see if there's a messaging app that doesn't allow either party to delete messages, and which will keep a secure record of what was sent and when.

@NotABiscuitInSightThis actually hit hard. But not in a bad way. You’re right. I haven’t cut contact. It’s drastically less contact compared to what it used to be but it’s so hard to cut complete contact because of the children. It’s the same cycle every time. We don’t speak at all for weeks, and then slowly he’ll message how’s the children on the days he doesn’t have them and then before you know it, i think, ok, he’s ok, accepts we are over and we can be grown up and talk normally and then he’s back to insults and threats. And he just knows how to get into my head.

I would definitely report his threats to the police. Refuse phone contact and use a parenting app for any communication about the children. Consider a public place for handovers of the children, would that be safer than going to his home?