Abortion Guilt and regret

[ccbeaney]

Hi first time posting, and feel very silly about what I am about to write as it was so long ago, basically I fell pregnant and even though I was 44 and had two grown sons I instantly felt a connection and I wanted to keep the baby, when I told my husband he was angry and basically told me if i didn’t get rid of the pregnancy than I would lose him, our sons and our house, I felt scared and backed into a corner and felt very vulnerable and even though my heart was telling me not to go ahead with the abortion I did, that was 4 years ago and to this day I still struggle with my decision with regret, guilt and also my husband’s behaviour and harsh words to me, I still blame him for my decision even though it was me who went through with it and I still haven’t forgiven him. Am I being unreasonable or stupid to still have these types of feelings
thank you xx

Bullying someone into an unwanted abortion they don’t want us extremely cruel. I think it would be very hard for a marriage to come back from. Have you had any counselling?

You’re not stupid or unreasonable for having those feelings

have you had any counselling ? If not, might be useful. You need to come to terms with it

and then decide if you still want to be with your husband who sounds pretty awful just based on what’s written here

Oh wow, you’re not unreasonable to feel that way, but please tell me you're not still married to this horrible man? I feel like there must be a bit of backstory here if you were already married with two children and then things suddenly change? Or has he always used intimidation and threats against you?

to be fair to my husband we were goi by through a difficult time in our family with regards to one of our sons and he felt that he could not deal with the pregnancy he only had our son on his mind, there are other factors I have bpd and I have made attempts on my life and this has caused him stress and anxiety, equally he has not been there for me through some of my most difficult times like the abortion or when my dad died, he went to work and left me at home alone to deal with it, I also found out through our younger son that he was flirting and texting a woman who he was working for and when I pulled him up on it he deleted the text and said that he didn’t want me to take it the wrong way but they were harmless. I love my husband and I don’t want our marriage to end we have been together 33 years but we are stuck on this endless cycle and don’t know how to get off it

There are 2 issues here: the abortion might have been the right decision (even if painful). But it was YOUR decision to make. The fact that you decided for the abortion because he bullied you is unforgivable. I don't know if a marriage can survive that.