To expect my DO to get up with DD and let me sleep in once in a while

[andanotherproblem]

DP and I both work, I do 20 hours only, whilst he does 37 but split into 12 hours so it works out he does two on then two off, he also picks up extra shifts sometimes. Due to our work schedules usually when I’m off its his one day without having to wake early with DD whilst I go to work so I don’t mind him sleeping in, however we have had two days off together (rare occasion for this to happen), yesterday he slept until 9 so I half expected him to wake at 6:30 with DD this morning but again he slept until 9. Aibu to expect a lie in once in a while, I am also 6 months pregnant so could really enjoy the extra sleep.

Have you communicated this to him? We always used to alternate lay ins when we had much younger kids

he used to do it when she was younger and up a lot in the night so I kind of just expect, he knows I’m tired I’ve told him this, last time I brought up that I haven’t slept past 6:30 in months he just says ‘I don’t get lie ins either’ I understand 9 may still be early for him but it’s more of waking up when your ready opposed to having to get up

Yes exactly have you said to him exactly this? It’s certainly not unreasonable.

Use your words.
No good complaining now, when you next realise the shift pattern falls this way communicate before hand who is doing the childcare which morning.
Forward plan if he ignores it hes a tit.

No to be fair I haven’t said it, I just expect he would like he used to.

You need to get a plan in place before second child comes along or your marriage will take a battering with sleep deprivation and resentment building up

When DD didn’t sleep through the night he did always do his share as he could see how tired I was so I have no doubts it will be any different this time

Yanbu. But if he's anything like my ex, he won't.
He's never seen the children since they were little so had all the lie-ins he ever wanted over the last decade. Idiot.

Communication is key.

“DH, as I was aware early with DD this morning and let you lie in let’s switch it around for tomorrow and you get up with her.”

Expectations lead to resentments.
He is not a mind reader @andanotherproblem you need to tell him and spell it out for him that’s the only way this will get fixed.

No I do understand I was just asking aibu to expect him to do it without asking

Yes…you are… and that’s not your fault but nor is that his fault, he just doesn’t see it that way, if you’re getting up with without complaining and if you’re not communicating to him that you need a lie in, then he will assume you are happy to do what you are doing. It really is that simple.

YABU not to just ask him!

Yes just tell him

Not unreasonable to hope.
Unreasonable to expect.

You cannot in a relationship always 'expect' the other person to put you before them. It is nice when they do, but people are often selfish, so it is unrealistic to expect them not to be.
Would you really want a doormat or saint for a partner, someone who always automatically put you before them?

You need to ask for what you want, and negotiate a compromise that works for you both.

It sounds like he needs a reminder that you are both parents to your joint child. He isn’t doing you a favour by being the one to get up in the mornings occasionally. It’s called pulling your weight and taking your share of parental responsibility.

You need to use your voice and have a conversation about it all.