To have accepted a kitchen tower

[Artmumcreative]

A friend offered me/my toddler a kitchen tower for her to go in so I can cook. I can no longer lift her into her baby carrier and she cries when I put her on the floor, so I said yes even though DH doesn't want it in the kitchen. I tried to clear a space for it (failed due to DD getting upset) so he came home to an untidy kitchen. I'd have been unable to cook/eat this evening without the kitchen tower. He's a chef so he's much better at cooking than I am, but I enjoy cooking and see it as a shred of independence (I'm a SAHM). DH came home and is understandably annoyed that the kitchen is a mess (DD won't sleep in her cot so I need to supervise her on our bed). I feel like DH is a bit controlling about the kitchen/what's allowed in it. AIBU?

I haven't voted as I think YANBU for wanting one - after all, you are with her all day and trying to get things done when she is with you all day but I don't think it makes your dh 'controlling' to not want one either. I think the word is thrown about a bit too easily on MN. I mean, he might be - obviously I don't know him, but not wanting something you want doesn't make a person controlling.

I also think that, with a toddler, most parents are tired and that can easily turn to frustration on both sides so sometimes you both have to take a deep breath and count to 10 an talk about it when you aren't tired / hungry / frustrated / at the end of a bad day for either of you.

I mean, how reasonable or not it is, is very much going to depend on the size and layout of your kitchen.

Why can’t you lift her? I mean it’s fine if you don’t want to or can’t but if she’s only a toddler you are going to need tons of adaptations if you really can’t so dh is going to have to get used to it being more cluttered.
If he wants the kitchen tidied he can help tidying. He sounds a bit grumpy to be honest. Tell him you need him to help not criticise and limit you.

understandably annoyed that the kitchen is a mess

No i disagree. There isnt a scenario to be annoyed. Hes being a dick. Maybe he needs to stay home with the kids a few full days, see how hard it is?

Can't she just sit in her high chair while you cook? How big is your kitchen? Those towers are quite bulky

I agree with this. Tell him he's only in charge at work and not at home.
If you need this tower (no idea what it is) for a physical reason then you need it, end of.

You mention you like cooking as it gives you independence but tbh I think you need to work on your toddlers independence if them being put down causes all this upset. Yanbu to want a kitchen tower. Why doesn’t your DH want one? Is space an issue?

It depends how big your kitchen is. A bulky bit of furniture is a bit annoying. Can’t you use a high chair? But if you find it useful, I guess it’s ok. It’s only for a short time until there’s no need for it.

Off to google kitchen tower.

Me too!

So now I’ve googled kitchen tower.

If your DC will stand in that then cool. It would get on my tits having it around though

I think the person at home all day has the main say in what goes in the kitchen. If it will make your life easier then do it.

It is ridiculous that you are supervising your DD at naptimes however. You need that time! Try again with the cot.

Kitchen tower looks brilliant! Your DH is being silly. You should do what you have to to cope with kids at home.

And me. Crikey, they're huge! I hope you have a big kitchen.
Having said that, if it makes life easier for you caring for the toddler, then it's your decision. Not your husband's.
Although I note that she does seem to be a bit needy at the moment (as they sometimes are) not letting you have enough time to set it up, not being on the floor, not sleeping in her cot.
i would say that this is the biggest area that you need to change, work on her independence. It isn't sustainable for you to have to sit on a bed while she sleeps because she won't go in her cot. And she should be able to play on the floor with toys with you in sight. Unless she has special needs?
The second area is your husband, who thinks he has the say about what can be in the kitchen and moans about mess. Does he do his bit with tidying and childcare? Unless you have the tiniest kitchen and if you are spending the whole of your time pandering to your toddler and not doing anything else..

What exactly is his issue with a toddler tower? Yes they're bulky but they can be moved out of the way and if your child insists on being near you they're a great option.

I have to concur with previous posters about the naps, if she won't sleep in her cot, could you try a travel cot or floor bed or just anything that means she doesn't need to be watched 100% of the time. Your current situation doesn't sound good for you or her.

If you let her get her own way over everything like you are doing at the moment, then life is going to become very difficult. She needs to learn there are times when you aren’t available to her.

Don't worry, DH got over it when he realised how much easier it is to put DD in her tower!