To feel like an outsider?

[beneaththetree]

I started a new job just over 2 years ago. The people are nice, the job itself a bit dull. I only work part time, 3 days a week and occasionally one of those days from home. Perhaps this is the issue.
I still don’t feel part of the team at all. I have made a couple of friendships and been out socially with some of these people a few times.

But in the pecking order of the office dynamics I definitely feel like the most unimportant, irrelevant member. I sit away from the rest of the team and sometimes go all day without speaking to them unless I go over and make conversation. I miss out on a lot of information regarding work and other workplace stuff that nobody thinks to update me on because I’m not there everyday.

There is one member of the team who everyone absolutely seems to love. We don’t work closely but our paths cross now and then. She is one of those super friendly, bubbly people with everyone else except me. She just doesn’t give me the time of day at all. The other day I was having a good chat with an old colleague who’d popped in after starting a new job and bubbly colleague came rushing over with big cuddles and squeals and ushered her out for a catch up while ignoring me.

Im not usually a sensitive person and I generally get along well with people I think. Maybe im not as outwardly outgoing as some of them but im always polite and friendly. Never had any issues making friendships in the past. But this is making me really doubt myself. Starting to wonder if there’s something unlikeable about me or maybe I just don’t fit into this workplace. After two years I still feel like the new person. Aibu? Starting to dread work.

Ms Bubbly sounds as though she's intentionally snubbing you. Passive aggressive bullying.

If you’re only there part time and sit away from everyone, I can understand why you’re not included in things. Could you not move your workspace so you can join in with office chit chat?

I think your part time hours might be the reason here. In your place I would be making a lot of extra efforts to socialise with colleagues when I’m there and even organising a happy hour, lunch off site, etc. Why are you sitting away from everyone else?

Can you move to sit closer?

I've the same OP, I work full time but the nature of my work allows me to work from home two days a week. I also have my own office to meet clients in and have meetings where the rest of the staff are in an open plan office. I've been there 3 years and still feel like a total outsider. I miss all the jokes, I'm on the WhatsApp group but have no idea what they're on about most of the time. They're all friendly enough but i'm definitely not 'one of them'. I actually couldn't care less though, my two days at home are worth it!!!

The office layout was set by management. I don’t need to work closely on a day to day basis with the rest of the team for my role but we all come under the same umbrella if that makes sense.

I genuinely have tried to make the effort but instances like Ms Bubbly just make me want to retreat. I’m not sucking up to anyone.

These people are your colleagues, not your friends. Be polite and civil but concentrate on doing the job. If you left tomorrow you would (probably) never see them again. What does that tell you about the relationship?

Look for better friends outside of work. Join some clubs or some classes or sociable hobbies.

I do have lots of friendships outside of work which is good. And you’re right I probably wouldn’t see them again if I left. I just think I’ve probably taken some of it to heart a little, particularly the way Ms Bubbly seems to snub me. From a work perspective it is frustrating to be out of the loop on certain things too. I get that I’m not there all of the time but sometimes I do need to be kept updated and it’s almost like an afterthought.

I guess all work places have a pecking order.