Bulling - “…said this did not happen”

[Willforsure]

Name change.

I am struggling to find balance, so posting here for traffic.

DS has just started secondary school, week two, and there was an incident with another student. I reached out to the child’s parent, explaining the incident, which resulted in physical contact.

They have come back stating they have spoken to their child, and the child has said it didn’t happen, but the parents will reach out to the school.

My DS has also explained in his opinion the other child is not well-liked as he has made a number of nasty comments to others.

This is the second incident (the first was made by another parent in primary school— so not related)— where a parent has come back and taken their child’s word that said incident “did not happen”. I know children lie, but I can’t seem to understand this response. The time between me messaging and their response was minutes, so I assume there was minimal conversation between the parent and child.

AIBU to not understand parents that handle situations in this manner because essentially they are saying my child is a liar. I am, of course, biased in this situation (and rightly quite angry about what has happened).

Issues that happen at school should be dealt with via school.

AIBU to not understand parents that handle situations in this manner because essentially they are saying my child is a liar

And you're saying theirs is a liar. You should have gone to school with it not to the parents

Contact school and ask to speak to the Head of Year/pastoral team.
Don't approach the parents.

Never approach the parent, always report to school and let them deal with it.

The kid may well be lying, but don’t ever go to a child’s parent over a school incident, hand it over to the school to deal with.

So you are saying that other parents believe their child, as you believe yours, but they are unreasonable. That their child is lying but yours isn’t?

The school will handle this.

Fair points about going to the school directly, in certain instances I would reach out to parents directly. On this occasion I reached out directly because it is early days and I believed it could have been nipped in the bud with an at home conversation.

Some parents refuse to believe thwir little darling is capable of any bad behaviour of note. Of course my little Georgie didnt do such a thing, no your son must be mistaken.

I guess I am surprised with a response that the insinuates that entire incident did not happen…

They believe their child-but you believe yours! That’s why the school needs to be involved.

No incident that takes place in school should see you reach out to the parent. There have been parents who will absolutely tell you their sweet child would never do something only to be proved wrong on CCTV but instead of backing down they will blame someone or something else that provoked them.

Never contact the parent because the child then has a heads up and they can rephrase things with the child meaning when he/she is then questioned they are all ready to go with a fabricated response.

Your child should know exactly who to report incidents to and you should report it as well. Always follow up any phone call with school with an email to state what was discussed. You want a paper trail in case this escalates but if it does then it should again be reported by your child and the sanctions should get stronger.

If it helps you can install a voice recorder app on your phone that automatically records all phone calls.

Never never never reach out to the parent - ever. Rule #1. Even if you know them. Even if you are friends. It only ever ends badly in the end especially if it continues to happen or escalates.

Leave it to the school - so YABU because you didn’t let the school handle it. They have cameras, get statements from other kids and can decide objectively who is lying and who is telling the truth. No parent is going to admit this, thats why the school handles it.

You think parents should assume their child is lying? They may have talked to their child. Their child may have given reasonable explanations. They don't need to give you the explanations. They may have shown that its your child that is the one lying?

I don't understand why you believe yours but think others wouldn't believe theirs.

Bullying is awful. Speak to the school first. Good luck.

To be fair... you've done exactly what they have done - believed your child's word and are sure that the other child is lying.

The other parents are probably sat at home wondering how other parents (ie you!) just take their child's word that an incident happened and don't question whether that child is lying.

To be clear, I'm not saying your child IS lying or that you are wrong to believe them. Just that you are doing exactly what they are doing.

'Contact'
'Contact'
'Contact'

Unless you're a member of The Four Tops, you didn't 'reach out', you contacted them!

Sorry 🤭

As others have said OP, you should leave this to the school to investigate/deal with.

Thanks all, I know what I will be doing tomorrow regarding this matter!