I can't get through the days

[whattodo12121]

Hi mums. I don't know what I am expecting from this really.

I have got a 2 (almost 3) year old. This year I became a single mum. I was with my child's dad for a long time, it was - upon reflecting - a very toxic relationship. History isn't really important, but what's worth noting is I have had to relocate to my home country to have some support from my dad as I otherwise would have zero support from my childs dad apart from a few hours here and there (we do ensure monthly contact right now). Current life status is I am searching for a job and waiting for my child to be eligible to get into a nursery as was not born here. This can take a few months. It's the plan I will move back to the UK once our child starts school and hopefully do maybe a 60/40ish split, although there's no guarantee

I don't know why it's only just hit me today. I am very depressed

I am grieving the past 8 years of my life with a person/life/country I thought was forever. I am young, just turned 26, and suddenly upon the loss of our family unit, find myself with very selfish needs and desires that I can't entertain due to having to live an entirely selfless life. I'm also having deep trauma coming back to me suddenly, which didn't really impact my life before. The biggest one is realising I was nowhere near emotionally ready to have a child when I did

I am just at home with my child all day, which I also was for the first 2 years of their life, and was not excited about this being my reality again. I have been doing this for almost 2 months now and I am absolutely not coping. I feel I walk around like a ghost. I feel I provide zero stimulation for my child. For long periods of the day I barely talk. I lay down and cry a lot during the day. I am very intolerable, quick to anger. Absolutely no patience for my child's terrible eating and sleeping. We have great moments but I feel he is much better off without me. I am not in a headspace to be growing my beautiful child into a healthy individual right now and it pains me so much to admit. I really try but fall straight into low mood. I can cry just from food being spat out again. I am failing so hard as a parent and my child deserves so so much better. I feel deeply alone

Things will change once a nursery placement is finally secured, and especially when school starts. But that feels so far away right now and I'm wondering - once I get to those points, will I even have time to heal from all of this

I want to make it clear. I know I chose to have a child so it may be hard to sympathise, but never did I ever, ever, ever see this being my reality

it sounds like you’ve got a good plan and it’s easy to get depressed when you’re trapped at home with a toddler.

How does monthly contact with the ex work? What about child support payments?

You need to make a plan to go out every morning for a walk with dc - to a park, a beach, a woodland, a library or a supermarket - somewhere you can be noisy and silly and tire each other out.

You also need to have more contact with adults - is there a mum and toddler group near you? And how about your dad - is he helping you or judging you? What about the rest of your family and friends from back home?

You’re completely right this will get better and when you feel better you have the strength to do the things you need to. But getting over a break up is hard, and having a young child is hard too.

Hi OP, it does sound like you are struggling with depression - you have been through and are coping with a lot. I don't know what country you are in but can you go and see your doctor (General Practitioner) and tell them how you're feeling? I think you do need some help and support.

There are little things you can do for yourself, if you can manage one or two a day, they can make a real difference to your mood - try and get outside in the fresh air every day (this is good for you and your little one) if possible somewhere in nature, like woodland, parks with trees and water (lake, stream) the sounds and sights of nature especially woodland can be really grounding.

Make yourself healthy, simple meals, try and get some fibre, protein & fruit and vegetables every day. Homemade soups with veggies and lentils are filling and comforting. Drink a big glass of water when you wake up to rehydrate you and have plenty of water/fruit or herbal teas throughout the day.

Drawing/painting/colouring can all be a soothing and relaxing activity and your little one can join in too.

Once your little one is in bed, have a soak in a soothing bubble bath, listen to a podcast or audio book, get your comfiest pj's on and watch something funny/uplifting.

If you can manage a few of these things, they really can help improve your wellbeing. But I would urge you to talk to your doctor about some help and support. You don't need to struggle on alone. Look after yourself lovely 💐