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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She is asking for too much

30 replies

AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 19:26

I’m a single parent (two under 10) and have no help at all in terms of childcare nothing. I work full time. I have no family around and kids dad is absent and friends who are not bothered to help. So I don’t ask for childcare help but have a child minder that I pay as and when needed.

A friend of mine randomly offered me help three weeks ago to look after my kids whilst I’m at work, I was going to pay the child minder but she said I will help and our kids can play together.

the issue now is two days ago she ran me asking for me to look after her two girls under 10 for a whole weekend sleepover as they have a party to attend on Saturday. She will drop kids on Friday and pick up Sunday afternoon. she then mentioned that her youngest (6year old) still wets the bed and I have to keep getting up to take her toilet , I have accepted but thinking about it I feel I can only managed the kids to come on Saturday instead of Friday. As I would be really exhausted to look after and entertain 4 kids under 10 for the weekend.

To add she always have family looking after her kids for a week, weekends etc. as for me my kids never been for a sleepover

OP posts:
LiamNeesonIsADerryGirl · 13/09/2025 19:28

I think she has set you up so she can ask for this favour. Seems convenient that she offered to look after your kids a few weeks before she needs someone to look after her.

FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 19:29

I think it was always obvious that she wanted this arrangement because it would shit her. I would reciprocate on this occasion and then don’t accept help from her again. She’s only offering help so she can get what she feels you owe her at a later date.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 19:30

@LiamNeesonIsADerryGirl exactly my thoughts which is not nice at all

OP posts:
2015pls · 13/09/2025 19:31

You have accepted? Well that was silly mistake

big girl pants on op

“that’s a bit much but happy to have them for the day)

2015pls · 13/09/2025 19:36

Presumably you’d have had to pay the childminder anyway?

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 19:42

@2015pls no I didn’t as my childminder is flexible.. but for me I’m dreading how exhausted I will be with 4 kids from Friday afternoon till Sunday afternoon and then go to work Monday morning.. physically and mentally I will be tired

OP posts:
2015pls · 13/09/2025 19:44

AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 19:42

@2015pls no I didn’t as my childminder is flexible.. but for me I’m dreading how exhausted I will be with 4 kids from Friday afternoon till Sunday afternoon and then go to work Monday morning.. physically and mentally I will be tired

Well don’t cancel at last min

send a message… tonight… saying actually on reflection too long to stay but happy to have for the day

User364431 · 13/09/2025 19:45

You should have thought up an excuse when she asked but unfortunately it's too hard to back out now. She definitely set you up but you did accept to host the girls.

The easiest would just to suck it up and accept it's returning a "favour" and you'll be quits after this. Luckily they're all girls so buy a bunch of stuff from a discount store that could entertain them for a while. Paints, markers, crafting stuff, slime, facepainting sets, kids makeup, bracelet supplies, soap or bath bomb kits etc. Four girls should be relatively easy to entertain as they will keep themselves occupied. You could also get them to bake or make their own snacks which will kill more time.

Don't bother waking the 6 year old. Get a plastic sheet (which you probably have from your own kids) and lay it under the bedsheet. Presumably she's not going to wet the bed every night at that age so just hope for the best. If she does do it the bed, just chuck everything in the washer.

DoubtfulCat · 13/09/2025 19:48

If the party is Saturday why on earth do you have to have them Friday as well!? Far too much to ask. Say “on second thoughts I really need some down time at the weekend so I can be on my game for work again on Monday. I can have the kids from Saturday afternoon 3pm until Sunday morning 11am.” That gives you a night’s decent sleep, and time on Sunday to gather yourself and have a nap if you need one!
And at the sleepover, stick on a film, make some popcorn, and make it easier for yourself.

MontythePrince · 13/09/2025 19:51

I would contact her and say on reflection you know it’s too much for you and you will take them one night instead of the whole weekend. If she gets snippy about it tell her she can forget about any childminding from you.
She sounds like you would be better off without her in your life, the cheeky cow

Moveoverdarlin · 13/09/2025 19:52

I had a mum from school try this with me. I knew every time she was going to ask a favour as she offered to have my child the week before. I just never really needed her help. It was so obvious. She’d come up and rub my arm (we aren’t remotely close) and try and cultivate a relationship with me purely to offload her absolute pain in the ass child on me. If he was a nice child I may have been less frosty but he was a shit. Anyway it’s taken a few years of polite messages, then slightly more blunt messages, then altogether ignoring messages.

She was very thick skinned.

Lewiscapaldiscat · 13/09/2025 20:00

definitely - say oh sorry I have a work thing Friday Eve, I can still have them Saturday but you’ll need to bring pull ups - it is unacceptable to go to someone else’s house if you wet the bed and not do so!
puppy pads if you don’t say anything are big and good!

MoodyMargaret11 · 13/09/2025 20:03

You've made a mistake to accept but guess what - easily sorted!
Just say "hey I'm really sorry but I misread your text, I am not able to look after them the entire weekend sorry. They are welcome to come for a few hours on Saturday though. How about you drop them off at 10 and pick up at 1?"

You can even add a reason "I'm a single parent and work is hectic, weekends are my time for myself/family time."

Not that you need to justify yourself to her, but that way she can't try it on again for other weekends. The response will always be the same.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 20:16

I think my issue is for her not appreciating my situation that I have absolutely no help while she have the luxury of her partner, her family all to help.. I feel truly given my situation she shouldn’t have asked for that much knowing I’m all by myself.. I never get no free time

OP posts:
Original poster
AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 20:17

I’m actually really proud of myself that I have come this far all alone as the kids are growing now

OP posts:
YourAquaLion · 13/09/2025 20:23

It doesn’t sound like what she did for you remotely matches what she is asking you to do for her! She didn’t have your kids for 2 nights? Message her now saying you’ve got Covid/got a sickness bug/got diarrhoea, anything to get out of this. Then steer clear! And well done for raising two amazing kids single-handey, I salute you! And if you do go thru with it, put an adult nappy on the sodding 6-yo. The cheek of it!

2015pls · 13/09/2025 20:25

Op

are you going to send the message??

Nosleepforthismum · 13/09/2025 20:34

Oh fuck that. She knew what she was doing. A whole weekend is hugely cheeky and not remotely similar to what was offered to you.

You need to create a fictional family member in hospital that may need you that weekend or some home disaster like a burst pipe/fire.

Please don’t feel guilty for completely bailing on this arrangement. I would never ask my friends for a favour of this size unless it was a literal life or death emergency.

FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 21:02

AmyJahabee · 13/09/2025 20:16

I think my issue is for her not appreciating my situation that I have absolutely no help while she have the luxury of her partner, her family all to help.. I feel truly given my situation she shouldn’t have asked for that much knowing I’m all by myself.. I never get no free time

But maybe all the others in her life won’t want to help her out and she feels she can compare to your situation. Either way, you accepted her offer and fell into her trap and now you’ve agreed to look after her children for the weekend. As a PP said, just buy them a load of fun stuff to play with and they will entertain each other. Put the one who wets the bed in a nappy if necessary or else double up the bedsheets with waterproof ones.

Luceeeee · 13/09/2025 21:09

I dunno I’m a bit torn on this. You started off saying “friends who are not bothered to help” then along comes a friend who offers to have your kids for free so you can work. That’s massive.

She asks for a favour back, presumably because it’s a special event rather than every weekend. Now you’re complaining about it. I think it’s shit people treat this stuff as transactional but you’re the one who took up what is a very generous offer in the first place. If it was me I would suck it up on this one weekend for the sake of the friendship. I doubt the 6 year old is going to be up all night like a newborn.

MeganM3 · 13/09/2025 21:15

How long did she have your kids for?

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 14/09/2025 08:19

I have messaged saying I can do one night from Saturday morning till Sunday afternoon.. she said not good for her and she will ask another friend..

OP posts:
NotItsyBitsyNorTeenyWeeny · 14/09/2025 08:23

AmyJahabee · 14/09/2025 08:19

I have messaged saying I can do one night from Saturday morning till Sunday afternoon.. she said not good for her and she will ask another friend..

Good for you op. I think the first response on here was correct. She set you up to be able to ask this.

Okrr · 14/09/2025 08:31

The friend offered to help you when you are at work. Has she done the help yet? You did not mention how many days/hours she has already done. We cannot say if it balances out.

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 14/09/2025 08:33

She looked after my kids for a day three weeks ago

OP posts: