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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say they are taking the piss out of my boyfriend?

13 replies

sunnyaugust4 · 13/09/2025 15:57

The back story is that I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 months. He is currently going through a divorce (they have been separated for over a year). He is in the process of buying out his ex wife from their house as she can’t afford to live there on her own. She moved out last December and now has her own place. They both own dogs, she has 1 and he has 2.

While they were still together, a friend of his ex wife asked if they could take care of her dog temporarily as she had to move back in with her parents, who already have an aggressive dog that can’t be around other animals. What was suppose to be a few months of care has turned into 2 years, and the dog is still there. Naturally, it is my boyfriend who takes care of the dog since his ex wife moved out last year. He pays for the dog’s food (the owner doesn’t offer any money). For some reason, his ex wife refuses to give him the owner's number, so he can’t reach out to her directly and has to message her if there’s any problems.

A while ago, the dog somehow got into the neighbours garden and ended up attacking their dog. She was also never house trained as a pup and just does her business all around the house instead. He has tried to train her but she's too old for that now. Fortunately, both of his dogs are house trained. Understandably, he's fed up and asked if the owner could take the dog back. That was a few weeks ago and he’s not heard anything since. Fast forward to now, and the dog isn’t well. He thinks it might be related to her back legs, but isn’t sure. He has a vet appointment tomorrow and the owner is meeting him there. He’s worried about the possibility of the dog needing surgery, as he doesn’t think the owner can afford it, which might leave him to pay. My boyfriend is a huge dog lover and would hate to see the dog in pain or be put to sleep just because of money.

I usually wouldn't get involved, but he was venting to me last night about the situation. I suggested he contact the RSPCA since the owner clearly isn't able to care for the dog, which isn't fair to either the dog or him. She has essentially abandoned her dog. Apparently, she has been trying to get her own place (for 2 years?!) and once she does, she plans to take the dog back. The problem is that this could take months or even years, and in the meantime, my boyfriend is very stressed looking after the dog. He wasn't keen on that suggestion, so I proposed that his ex wife take care of the dog for the time being. Since it is her friend, it seems like a reasonable solution? However, he said that he didn't want to do that because they have been getting along well so far, and he didn't want to upset her during the divorce as it might complicate things.

We ended up having an argument, and he told me I didn't understand the situation. I genuinely feel like they are taking advantage of him because they know he loves animals and wouldn't let any suffer or be on the streets. AIBU?

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 16:01

I’m guessing he is attached to the dog as it has been two years.

I would suggest he gets the owner’s contact details when he goes to the vet tomorrow and makes it clear he will look after the dog until the end of the year but after that date either the dog goes to a rescue home or becomes his.

Presumably the owner’s details are on the microchip and it is up to date with their current whereabouts because your boyfriend could end up in a grey area if the dog is in his possession and attacks someone or another dog and the police are involved.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 16:03

Honestly, this is a short term relationship, that you started when he was only a few months separated.

It's not really your place to get involved or be pissed off, financial problems are pretty much par for the course when a divorce is ongoing.

If you're not happy watching it play out, just walk away, if you do want to be with him then you need to keep out of his arrangements with his ex and money and whatever else is going on as it doesn't affect you directly.

YodasHairyButt · 13/09/2025 16:04

It’s up to him to deal with. You can have your opinion, but really you need to keep it to yourself and stay out of it.

verycloakanddaggers · 13/09/2025 16:04

It's not your problem unless the dog is living your house.

It's up to him how he wants to deal with the divorce and all the issues that brings up.

sunnyaugust4 · 13/09/2025 16:08

FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 16:01

I’m guessing he is attached to the dog as it has been two years.

I would suggest he gets the owner’s contact details when he goes to the vet tomorrow and makes it clear he will look after the dog until the end of the year but after that date either the dog goes to a rescue home or becomes his.

Presumably the owner’s details are on the microchip and it is up to date with their current whereabouts because your boyfriend could end up in a grey area if the dog is in his possession and attacks someone or another dog and the police are involved.

The thing is, despite his love for her, he isn't interested in having another dog. He already has two of his own, which are quite a handful and he doesn't want to take on any more.

I understand that it's a tricky situation if the dog were to attack someone. Fortunately, the neighbour wasn't angry and didn’t take it further when it happened.

OP posts:
sunnyaugust4 · 13/09/2025 16:12

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 16:03

Honestly, this is a short term relationship, that you started when he was only a few months separated.

It's not really your place to get involved or be pissed off, financial problems are pretty much par for the course when a divorce is ongoing.

If you're not happy watching it play out, just walk away, if you do want to be with him then you need to keep out of his arrangements with his ex and money and whatever else is going on as it doesn't affect you directly.

I didn’t get involved. He was sharing his frustrations with me and I made a few suggestions, which admittedly, he didn’t like. I haven't immersed myself in the situation, it’s just not very nice to see someone you care about being taken advantage of / stressed etc

OP posts:
PestoHoliday · 13/09/2025 16:20

How many dogs are at his house? Two, counting this so-called temporary dog? Or two plus this extra dog? If the ex-wife's dog yet another one?

If it's the ex-wife's friend's dog, I don't know why the ex-wife isn't taking it with her. It's literally nothing to do with your boyfriend.

However, his canine arrangements are his own business. You're a fairly new girlfriend, I 'd keep out of it if I were you.

sunnyaugust4 · 13/09/2025 16:35

YodasHairyButt · 13/09/2025 16:04

It’s up to him to deal with. You can have your opinion, but really you need to keep it to yourself and stay out of it.

Edited

It's difficult because he vents to me about it, so naturally, I feel compelled to respond and offer helpful suggestions to relieve some of his stress. What else can I do, just ignore him?

Someone mentioned earlier to stay out of it since it doesn't directly impact me. We were actually suppose to have a night away this weekend, which had been planned for some time, but we had to cancel on Thursday so he could stay home to look after the dog. It's not the end of the world, of course, but it's quite disappointing since we only get to see each other on weekends. I know he was really annoyed, especially since it’s not even his dog.

OP posts:
sunnyaugust4 · 13/09/2025 16:36

PestoHoliday · 13/09/2025 16:20

How many dogs are at his house? Two, counting this so-called temporary dog? Or two plus this extra dog? If the ex-wife's dog yet another one?

If it's the ex-wife's friend's dog, I don't know why the ex-wife isn't taking it with her. It's literally nothing to do with your boyfriend.

However, his canine arrangements are his own business. You're a fairly new girlfriend, I 'd keep out of it if I were you.

2 plus extra dog at his house and his ex wife has 1

OP posts:
Endofyear · 13/09/2025 17:50

Stop offering suggestions and let him get on with it. Let him vent if he wants and then ask him what he thinks he should do. It's his problem to sort.

GreyPearlSatin · 13/09/2025 20:22

You said you got into a fight after he rejected your solutions. I don't understand what the fight was about. Did you get annoyed with him? Did he get angry because of the solutions you proposed? What actually happened during the fight?

I feel like some important details are missing.

VIOLETPUGH · 13/09/2025 20:28

You have been with this person 9 months, that's no time at all - mind your own business, it has nothing to do with you.

PrincessofWells · 13/09/2025 20:31

She was also never house trained as a pup and just does her business all around the house instead

I'd be walking by now . . .

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