Have I lost this friendship group?

[Blueyisthebestkidsshow]

I live abroad. Before Dd, 6 was born, I had a good group of friends via work for years, they gradually all moved back home, we’re all still in touch and I see them when they are over or i’m home.
My dd was then born and I made friends with other mums etc and had a great time at meet ups and so on. The kids all started school (all different schools) but we stayed friends and a closer group of 5 of us still met up on a regular basis.
Last summer, one of the friends went to live back home, which changed the dynamics slightly and then my Dd has had long term illness and I couldn’t leave her easily. I still kept in touch and saw one friend recently, but the others it hasn’t been since xmas, I have arranged meet ups, but my Dd has been ill and I’ve had to cancel. The group WhatsApp was always active, but hasn’t been for a while
My Dd is now back at school but it’s very much drop the kids at the door, I don’t really get to meet the other new mums
I feel a bit lonely and unsure what to do, i’ve always had a friendship group from school, to college, uni, different workplaces and then mums. I can’t quite go back to work yet as I need to be around for Dd initially in case she’s ill again
I feel a bit embarrassed to persevere with the group as think they all have their own separate friends too from kids school/parents of their friends etc, I don’t really have that situation anymore

Join a meetup group. When you move abroad fellow immigrants tend to be quite transient my friendship group is constantly evolving , it's not that you're losing one set they are just busy getting on with their lives

Join a meet up group , ask your neighbour to go for a coffee , go to a gym class. (I actually met two great friends through a painting class, I've never painted before or since!)

I liked our little friendship group, would you not text to make arrangements again?
I’m quite a reserved person, so find it hard to make friends really but have always had them, i’m not the type to put myself right out there and by mid 40’s find it a bit hard to meet a whole new set of people

It’s how life can go. It’s so much harder once the forced proximity of education and first jobs put you with people open to making new friends.

It couldn’t hurt to send some messages to see how they are and see if anything comes of it.

But I’d say put your thick skin on - a lot of people don’t have the time, energy or motivation to keep up friendships these days.

I get it's uncomfortable but it's the only way toske friends
The reality is they aren't as invested in your friendship as you are in theirs. You can reach out them again
'who fancies brunch on Saturday?". But you can't force friendship , you need to expand your group

If people don’t have the time, energy, motivation to put into friendships, are they themselves not seeing friends etc do you think?

I agree dont force it. We have group of 5. 4 meeting next week one moved away. Dyanamics different when new jobs or they move away. Im trying join new things as find people dont commit now as much ..

It depends really. They could have one or two friends that fill up the little social time they have after work, family etc.

I would try to resurrect this friendship group, after all what have you got to lose? If it doesn’t work you can move on, if it does work you have your friend back. It can be easy to over think things, but no one fell out, life happened and understandably you drifted away. There is no reason you can’t come back. I’m sure they all understand

And if it doesn’t work you are just back here again.

When working abroad groups tend to be quite fluid as people always moving.
However I would message the old group/s all bright and breezy and see if anyone is free. You never know they could all be thinking the same thing.

Definitely message and say how your circumstances have changed. You had to be around whilst DD was ill but now she's at school and doing well this gives you more freedom to meet up and you'd love to see them.

Suggest a meet up event... even if its just in a cafe.. or ask them what kind of meet up they would like to do,, maybe a dinner or cocktail bar or whatever... or a meet up with children at weekend... ask them to suggest too.

See what comes back. Some of them may also have obligations which take up their time too, sick parents or demanding work hours... but generally just start the chat rolling again.

you have nothing to lose and will gain an insight into whether to continue or not.

Wishing you all the best. OP.

I didn't move abroad but did move a long way from my group of friends. You do really need "local" friends. I now arrange an annual Christmas meet up back in the old city we lived, which is lovely to catch up and keep in touch, and I might occasionally WhatsApp or send a card if something reminds me of them, or if theres something going on. My best friend i do also see more regularly, maybe every 3 mths. However, you can't really pin all (ime) your friendship needs on people who live so far away, because they build lives where they are, which is what you need to do. I'm not sure where you are, but you can look at apps (yes it's very cringe but it works), or see if there's a way to make an effort at the school, or volunteering in your local community, or joining a club or group or class. I'm not saying don't persist with old friends, I love my old friends and will always want a bond, it's just not practical that they be the only friends. I now have a couple of close local friends I can grab a quick coffee with, do a dog walk, swap babysitting duties with or share lifts. I think, do reach out to your existing friends, get something in the diary to keep your spirits up and I'm sure whilst they'll be busy they would love to see you, they just likely don't have capacity to see you super regularly, so also look at ways to gain local friends who you can have more flexible friendships with....

Sorry but I think you’ve cancelled on them so many times they probably think why bother arranging another meet up for you cancel again?

Not saying you don’t have good reasons to have cancelled but at some point you just think ‘yeah im
not gonna bother getting a baby sitter because she’ll cancel last minute like the last 4 times’

If you’d like to reconnect with the group then you’ll have to put yourself out there and get in touch. A WhatsApp saying that you’ve missed them and are relieved that now DD is doing better you can start making arrangements again. Apologise briefly for not being around for so long and ask if anyone would like to have a coffee/ lunch/ drink.

If they are all busy then they’ll say so.

Good luck