Ashamed after being pulled up at work. WWYD.

[Bluemoonrising76]

Hi everyone, hoping for some perspective.

I’ve been in a new internal role for about 18 months now and, from the start, I’ve felt really unsupported. I didn’t get proper training, this wasn’t just me, a couple of other new starters had the same issue, and my manager when I started, though sweet and lovely, was often unavailable or just checked out, she would often disappear for hours or just log off in the middle of the day and not tell me. (it’s a mostly WFH role with hybrid days spent in the office)

The job itself is quite complex and takes a long time to learn, at least a couple of years, so I felt like I was thrown in the deep end.

I had a family bereavement not long after starting the job and ended up taking some sick leave due to stress (partly grief, partly the lack of support at work). When I returned from
sick leave, my manager informed me she had applied for another job internally and was moving to a new role in a different department - I had no idea she was even applying for other jobs and it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. As well as this I struggle with ongoing issues with anxiety/depression - these have all been documented and my managers have been aware including my latest manager.

Things got slightly better after I raised the training issue with a new team leader who started earlier this year and I’ve since been put on some courses, which helps. But the role still feels like an uphill battle, and there are no real opportunities for development (can’t go into too much detail there without being too outing). I’ve felt pretty burned out.

Just before some annual leave recently, I had a couple of quiet days with not much to do, this is quite a rarity and I admittedly decided to embrace it and didn’t start any new case work as I didn’t want to risk not being able to finish it before going on leave. As well as this I had a new manager assigned to me about the same time who had told me he’d be unavailable for most of those two days anyway due to being busy and doing some training. I also mentioned to him I wasn’t planning on starting any new work - he seemed fine with this.

I know in hindsight given how burnt out I was feeling I should have taken those days as AL or asked my manager what he’d like me to do but in all honesty I ended up not getting a lot done and used some of the time to tie up loose ends at work and finish off a job application for an internal vacancy Id spotted and decided to apply for on a whim. The deadline was fast approaching and I was going on holiday so didn’t have much time to complete it. I don’t normally do things like this in work time — it was an error in judgment on my part.

When I got back, my manager had a catch up with me and asked me to account for what I’d done in those two days. I said I’d been tying up loose ends and said I hadn’t started any case work as I didn’t want to risk not finishing it in time. He pressed me for further details of what exactly I’d worked on and I confessed eventually that I’d worked on the application (he knew I was applying as I’d told him out of courtesy beforehand).

He wasn’t nasty over it, but he told me that job applications need to be done outside of work hours and whatever time I’d spent on it I’d need to work those hours back. This was fair enough — I apologised and accepted it gracefully and don’t dispute it, but I feel a bit mortified. I’ve always prided myself on my work ethic as I don’t usually slack off or take the p*ss even with WFH. It caught me off guard as I have never been questioned by a manager before to account for what I have done in a work day. I been replaying it in my head ever since. I was also a bit annoyed with myself at the time I didn’t consider that working on a job application during work time was inappropriate.

I’m now feeling embarrassed, fed up, and wondering whats the point. It isn’t so much the actual conversation my boss had with me that has been the ‘final straw’ as he was within his rights to say what he did but it just feels like an accumulation of the last 18 months of frustration have come to a head. I had applied for the internal vacancy on a bit of a whim but am now wondering if maybe it isn’t such a whim after all and in fact it’s time to move on.

Has anyone been in a similar position or had something similar happen? Did you move on, and was it the right decision?

I think the most unreasonable thing here was being expected to minutely account for your work over two days. If your output is normally good that should suffice. It’s ridiculous to expect that level of detail from an adult professional. I don’t think completing your application was horrific. Be easy on yourself. You’re an adult. Expect to be treated as such and next time say something like you were doing research or informing yourself of an area of business importance etc. or developing yourself professionally to benefit the business.

Should have said. I also wfh and you are way more productive with no distractions so your output I’m sure is high. You do need to take downtime when you wfh to develop yourself because you are not getting the peer or managers support and modelling that you would if working in an office type structure.

Starting something you suspect you may not be around to finish isn’t just inefficient—it risks creating confusion and resentment among colleagues. It’s not just about your workload; it’s about respecting the time and energy of the people who’d be left to pick up the pieces while you were unavailable. There is a difference between exercising foresight and shirking responsibility. Instead of beginning new tasks you made sure you tidied up any loose ends on existing work. You would then be able to sign them off as completed, or hand them over and avoid any confusion for team-mates. This is a very mature and defensable position.

By asking you to account in detail for the last two days your boss was infering that you were shirking. This is inexcusable and in your place I would have pushed back hard in offering my explanation. I would not have mentioned the job application. I think this is a bit of a red herring.

I also had an appraisal where I admitted to a boss that I had not been "quite so productive" this year as in the past. The reason is that I had hitherto done some of the work at home in my own time. However I now had "other priorities" which had taken up my time. I had not skived. Simply worked the hours and performed the dutues I was paid for. No more or less. He also observed that I had taken some single days of my leave allocation lately and asked if I have been going to interviews. Again, I told hm that how I chose to spend my leave was my own private business. I had made my decision to attend uni as a mature student 12 months previously and the odd days of leave had been for interviews. As we spoke I was holding a confirmed offer for the uni of my choice so I knew I would never have another appraisal with him.

There was a strong element of tee hee hee.

It does sound a bit micro-managey. Do you stay late sometimes to finish things off - show flexibility around deadlines etc? If so, it should definitely work both ways. If it was an internal job you were going for, and were available to pick up urgent tasks if needed, then I wouldn't feel too bad. I think the not starting something knowing you wouldn't finish it is very sensible. You can always make up the time when you're back. I keep unofficial mental tabs on things like this, and my manager knows that I give extra and step up when it's really important, so doesn't mind a bit of flexibility here and there.

Good luck with the application, I'd maybe be filling out others too if this is a sign of how you'll be managed going forwards! But I guess it's early days with the new manager, just make sure you show how hard working you are on your return. Try not to overthink it.

I think you were reasonable to have expected training for your role and for your manager to be available during agreed times.
Other than that, I'm sorry, but I think you have unrealistic views of the expectations of the work place. Taking a decision to not start new case work and tie up loose ends for two days is pretty unreasonable, and not a decision someone who still needs pretty constant managerial presence to do the job would usually take autonomously. I'm also surprised you thought it was OK to use paid work time on job applications without even asking if that was OK.
Your stress in your job, sickness, reaction to change in manager and to being mildly and justifiably rebuked suggests this job is a bad fit for you, and you are also a little fragile. So you may want to consider looking for something less challenging.

Catching up on admin is reasonable (as is actually doing job applications nfor internal roles). Your manager should be supporting you in this as it's development.

Can't you see it was a rhetorical question? He KNEW the OP had done nothing. He asked before making any comment, which is the right thing to do.

The OP is waffling on a lot, about completely unnecessary details.

I had no idea she was even applying for other jobs and it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me.
over-reacting much?

He's a new manager, the OP obviously needs A LOT of management and hand hold, it's only right he's checking and assessing the staff he has to manage.

if it's an excuse not to start work that actually needs to be done, no it's not reasonable.

You don't take basically an extra 2 days off before a holiday to have it easy. Catch up with admin, but don't use it as an excuse to do nothing else.