Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Low contact in laws

10 replies

LCE · 12/09/2025 19:43

I have been with my partner for five years and we are expecting our first child in the next few weeks. We have a difficult relationship with his father and step mum, my partner is their only child. I see them about twice a year despite them living about 15 minutes drive away but my partner meets up with his dad a couple of times a year to watch the football at the pub. We have visited their house twice since they moved in four years ago. The relationship had a frosty start as just before my partner and I met they refused to let him stay overnight as they 'prefer it just the two of them', something oft repeated throughout the time I have known them and for my partner since his dad met his step mum. Whenever we approach them for any financial support for instance for our wedding, in the sub 500 pounds region, we are met with excuses for why they can't help. This is in contrast to the multiple holidays they take a year and the expensive items they buy for themselves (bikes and cameras well over 1000 pounds). They are low effort themselves, for instance not sending me a birthday card, but when challenged say that I should make more of an effort with his dad. My partner has tried a couple of times to talk to them about how to make the relationship a more parental one but nothing has changed. His step mum just refuses to see us for a few months then they both act as if nothing has happened. I am unsure how to navigate having a child and my child's relationship with them. In contrast to how they are with my partner and I, his dad and step mum have been very enthusiastic about becoming grandparents, although I don't know how this would play out in reality. We are lucky that we have a lot of support from my parents and from my partner's mum but I just feel uncomfortable with exposing our child to what has historically been a very low contact relationship.

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 12/09/2025 19:47

They don't owe you any financial assistance, so let that one go.

I'd give them a chance, sometimes grandkids are the making of families. If not, you haven't lost anything. There's little harm in a low-contact relationship...

TheTwitcher11 · 12/09/2025 19:48

No offence but it sounds like you’re miffed because they don’t assist you financially?

Nearly50omg · 12/09/2025 19:49

How many times have you asked them for financial support? You are grown adults!!! Why do you think you are entitled to spend their money for them??

harriethoyle · 12/09/2025 19:50

Why shouldn’t they spend their own money as they choose to?

OriginalUsername2 · 12/09/2025 19:52

Why does your husband need parenting?

Standingtree · 12/09/2025 19:52

Does your partner have a mother still alive?Did he grow up with the step mum?
Perhaps they are not very close, she doesn't see your DP as her son?
So she's not very interested?

Mrsttcno1 · 12/09/2025 20:04

Their relationship with grandkids will be the same as with kids- low contact, low effort.

They don’t owe you any financial help though!

Dartmoorcheffy · 12/09/2025 20:07

Sounds like you ask them for financial help a lot. Just don't. They don't owe you anything. You are adults, support yourselves.

HateThursdays · 12/09/2025 20:13

My in-laws were similar. Low contact, not much interest in us. When the children were babies they were then over-interested, then they got bored and it dropped slowly to low contact and now we don’t really see them at all. It took them a few years to remember they hadn’t seen us, but our lives had moved on by then and it was too late.

I think you should give them a chance initially, but if they lose interest let them and don’t chase them.

ClairDeLaLune · 12/09/2025 20:14

Can’t believe you’ve asked them for financial help! That’s so entitled of you. You and your DP are adults, act like it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page